To the think is beyond out of order?

[AlbaGuBrath]

Had an appointment so asked ExMil to watch DD for 1.5 hours. Went to collect her, had a cup of coffee and left to walk up the road with DD. On the way home DD told me she had seen Daddy (she hasn't seen him for over a year) but it was a secret and she supposed to tell me. She's 3 years old.

She is well aware of the situation with ExH and that he is not involved in DDs life through his own choice and yet she has seen fit to go behind my back and have them spend time together and then actually told her that it's a secret.

I'm pretty pissed off TBH AIBU?

IPV?

"She doesn't even remember her Dad and to have it done like that and then try to make her hide it is unforgivable in my eyes. I don't want her having memories of that."

If she's 3 then there's a good chance it won't be an issue due to 'infant amnesia'. As a child's brain is still developing, memories often get deleted permanently. As a nursery nurse I often meet children who I've looked after for 3 years, who have absolutely no knowledge of who I am. .

Inter personal violence. Domestic violence basically.

Interpersonal* bloody phone has a mind of its own

Is there a reason you don't want to say why you are insistent on maintaining contact with your ex mil?

She HID him in her house, she made your daughter lie to you, she minimises the threat he is to you (and how potentially scary that is it you DD), she lied to you about why he was in prison before hand and that was a whopper... Huge difference between a driving offence and DV. There's probably a million other things as well, why are you minimising all of that and allowing her to see your DD. If it were me I'd stop it while DD is too small to remember either of them, not when she's 8, been taken to see him (quite possibly in jail) and told to lie to you or she won't see him or MIL again.

They all hid the fact he had a conviction for Dv?
And she's minimising his recent behaviour?
I'd cut off her contact

There isn't a reason that I'm not saying. Contact can and has been in a controlled environment before and there is no reason why it can't be again. She categorically won't be alone with DD again so won't have any opportunity to do any of what has been suggested.