WIBU to my 5 yr old son over party invite and trick or treating clash

[RachelWatts]

The village where we live has done organised trick or treating around the shops for the last 2 years. We couldn't go last year as we were visiting family, but told DS1 that we would take him if they did it again.

One of his classmates invited him to a birthday party, the timing of which clashed completely with the organised trick or treating.

When we got the invitation I sat him down and explained about the clash and asked which he'd rather go to.

He chose the party so we RSVPd, and chose and wrapped a present.

This morning we were with some other friends who were talking about the trick or treating, and DS1 suddenly felt he'd be missing out, and changed his mind.

I told him tough, it's rude to cancel going to a party just because you'd rather do something else, and dragged him to the party, although I couldn't persuade him to put a costume on.

He had a thoroughly miserable time, and engineered a disagreement with his best friend so he could ask to go.

The friends who'd talked up the trick or treating felt bad for making him feel left out, so called round with their parents and took him round our estate for 20 minutes, and shared the sweets they'd collected at the shops with him.

WIBU to make him go to the party when he said he'd rather do something else? He didn't enjoy himself and possibly fell out with his best friend, and if he'd decided to tantrum instead of sulk he could have spoiled the party for the rest of his classmates instead of just one of them.

YWNBU ,

He chose the party, so needed to stick with that.How would the party boy feel if everyone changed their minds at the last minute. I bet your ds would be upset if it happened at his party.

Clashes like that happen fairly frequently, so it is best to lay the ground rules early. Sometimes you cant go to everything. The event you chose and RSVP first, is the one you need to honour

He will be fine, but some of your last posts are making it seem as if he has suffered greatly, he hasn't. My youngest can react badly if he feels he has missed out, he learns to get over it .

I would have followed through with the party because we had said yes. But I would have spoken to my child about the attitude at the party, giving a warning that the next activity wouldn't go ahead unless they sorted their attitude.

My dd is 14 and every thing is attempted to turn into a battle. I've learned which ones to ignore but I often do stand my ground on things and warn her I will not accept the attitude. She could be the same at 5, only she's taller than me now!

Thanks for the input, everyone.

After talking to DS1, I think the disagreement with his friend was because they were play fighting, as they often do, and DS1 got a knock which he'd normally have shrugged off and carried on playing, but because he was in a bad mood he took it personally and got upset.

I judged at the time it was best to take him home.

I let him go trick or treating as my friends had arranged to come to our house to pick him up. They'd sort of accidentally invited him by asking was he going to the organised one, meaning "Is your mummy taking you", but he misunderstood and thought they were asking him to go with them. They felt bad for building his hopes up, so followed through with the accidental invite, which was lovely of them.

Unfortunately the trick or treating turned out to be fairly rubbish as very few people had pumpkins out - we also only had one pair of children knock on our door. Most likely because the aim of the organised event was to discourage people from trick or treating round the housing estates.