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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to insist me and dh go to a weeding even though he is not one of the 5 best man

67 replies

bonded · 30/10/2014 17:23

OK so this is all going to sound very teenage, I apologize.

Me and dh have been invited to a weeding with two months notice. We have a holiday booked but were planing on just letting the flights go to waste to attend this local wedding. Its with someone dh went to uni with. Yesterday dh found out that there are 5 best men and he isn't one of them. He is a bit offended as he thought he was closer. Now he's saying forget it let's just go on holiday.

Im kind of putting my foot down to say we should go, although id really rather go on holiday but don't think that is the right thing to do.

I don't think it is about not valuing dh friendship, one of the best men the groom doesn't even get on with but I'm sure asked him as he was his best man. The groom probably didn't ask dh as he looks on the surface to be quite chilled out.

Should I be trying to perswade dh to go?

OP posts:
Oakmaiden · 30/10/2014 19:00

Have you already replied and said you can go? If not, then just go on holiday. If you have, then it is a little trickier... You can always say the holiday was booked and you thought you would be able to change the dates, but you can't after all...

Original poster
bonded · 30/10/2014 19:09

The thing is we have already said we would go and said to them oh it didn't matter about the flights as they were just ryainair flights.

I want dh to not go to it for the right reason, not for a childish reason.

We are reasonably close with the couple, we stay at their house occasionally and they have stayed with us many times over the years.

OP posts:
2rebecca · 30/10/2014 19:13

I would far rather go on holiday than to a wedding. I don't understand what point you think you'll be making by going to the wedding. You've been invited your husband jusat isn't the best man. Staying with someone doesn't mean you get to be their best man. It all sounds very childish. They're your husband's friends if he really wants to go I'd cancel the holiday but otherwise I'm not sure what you think you'll gain by cancelling your holiday. Weddings are pretty boring really, you have a get out clause for this one, use it.

DoJo · 30/10/2014 19:14

Has everybody only just been invited? It seems odd that you wouldn't have known enough details of the wedding of close friends to have been aware of when they were planning to tie the knot?

KnackeredMuchly · 30/10/2014 19:15

I think your DH is being very strange - he thought he was so close to the groom he was in his "top 5" ... and now that he knows he is not as close he can't be arsed going to the wedding?

And that's not allowing for one or two being family. No wonder he wasn't chosen if he's having such a childish strop. Hardly someone you want supporting you if he wouldn't turn up unless he knew he was Top 5 Hmm

Original poster
bonded · 30/10/2014 19:38

Well how can we just turn around and say, we've changed our minds and now will go on holiday instead without looking bitter?

Everyone has just been invited, we all suspect that they are expecting.

OP posts:
JuxtheDaemonVampire · 30/10/2014 19:41

You don't. You just say something's come up, apologies etc.

mymummademelistentoshitmusic · 30/10/2014 19:41

5 best men? Sounds chavtastic. I'd avoid like the plague.

olaflikeswarmhugs · 30/10/2014 19:43

Id go on holiday ! Two couples missed my wedding because they were on holiday . I wasn't one bit bothered .

Original poster
bonded · 30/10/2014 19:44

But then they would ask what came up,and would have to avoid them when we get back with a tan.

Nsh not chavs, can see why he's doing it though - he would be these 5 other guys 1 best man for their wedding. I'm glad this isn't a thing though, interested to see what happens at the church with5 guys..

OP posts:
guitarosauras · 30/10/2014 19:46

I wouldn't go purely on the basis that the groom has 5 best men. How many bridesmaids does the bride have? 50?

Muchtoomuchtodo · 30/10/2014 19:48

Just tell them you thought you could get your flights refunded but have found out that you can't, and that you can't afford to write off that money as well as paying to attend their wedding.

guitarosauras · 30/10/2014 19:48

just say the airline is making it difficult for you to rebook and that you've just found out that family have planned a suprise for you whilst on holiday or something.

Whocansay · 30/10/2014 20:34

Who cares what they think?

You must be on at least the second level of guests if you only have two months notice.

Your DH is clearly hurt by this and you appear to be siding with them and calling him childish. That's not being terribly supportive.

Spend a lovely holiday with your dh. I wouldn't give them a second thought. And if you're that worried about what they think just say you realised you wouldn't be able to have another week away together due to work commitments.

2rebecca · 30/10/2014 20:42

You have already told them you'd booked a holiday when they invited you so I agree with those saying tell them you would lose too much money cancelling.
I don't understand why whether or not OH is best man has to do with anything. I wouldn't not go to a close friend's wedding just because I wasn't a bridesmaid, but might if I'd prebooked a holiday.

Coumarin · 30/10/2014 21:18

5 best men is weird.

If you do go, please do keep up updated preferably with a live thread

Original poster
bonded · 31/10/2014 09:07

Well I've let the decision rest with dh, asked him to think about it carefully and whatever his decision will tell them tonight.

OP posts:
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