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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to insist me and dh go to a weeding even though he is not one of the 5 best man

67 replies

bonded · 30/10/2014 17:23

OK so this is all going to sound very teenage, I apologize.

Me and dh have been invited to a weeding with two months notice. We have a holiday booked but were planing on just letting the flights go to waste to attend this local wedding. Its with someone dh went to uni with. Yesterday dh found out that there are 5 best men and he isn't one of them. He is a bit offended as he thought he was closer. Now he's saying forget it let's just go on holiday.

Im kind of putting my foot down to say we should go, although id really rather go on holiday but don't think that is the right thing to do.

I don't think it is about not valuing dh friendship, one of the best men the groom doesn't even get on with but I'm sure asked him as he was his best man. The groom probably didn't ask dh as he looks on the surface to be quite chilled out.

Should I be trying to perswade dh to go?

OP posts:
maddy68 · 30/10/2014 17:51

It's your husbands call in my opinion. His friend. He doesn't want to go. Go on holiday. No brainer

TooMuchCantBreathe · 30/10/2014 17:51

Go on holiday! The wedding sounds farcical in any case, you can enjoy your planned holiday or sit with a cross dh at a glorified party whilst contemplating the fun you could have been having! No contest imo.

scarevola · 30/10/2014 17:55

I think it's your DH's call, as it's his friends.

If he wanted to go, because he thought it would be a blast to see old mates together, then I'd say go. But as he doesn't, then holiday.

(He's perhaps not a best man as he's married and therefore unavailable for a role in a bizarre mating ritual, pairing each with a single bridesmaid).

Thebodynowchillingsothere · 30/10/2014 17:59

Stop being so controlling and let your dh decide. Smile

Personally I wouldn't go up a wedding with more than 1best man As they are clearky exhibitionist bores.

Give up a holiday? Maddness.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 30/10/2014 18:03

Fuck the wedding and go on holiday.

If DH doesnt wanna go, then dont force him.

magimedi · 30/10/2014 18:04

Much as I love weeding (& I really, really do - 'tis my fave garden job) I'd miss both weeding & a wedding for a holiday.

OP, sorry about pointing out yr typo (I am the Queen of Typos) but it really made me Grin after a bad day.

LittleBairn · 30/10/2014 18:04

I would go on Hoilday. Sometimes situation like these can show us exactly how much a friend values you and where they place within their friendship group.
I once had a very close friend for her wedding I was given an evening only invitation even though I was going to have to travel across the country by myself to attend.
It made me realise she no longer saw me as a close friend, she had placed others above the that she didn't see as close too.
I stayed friendly, declined the invite but we drifted apart once I was no longer putting the work in to maintain the friendship.
Maybe your DH has had the same sort of realisation?

vulgarwretch · 30/10/2014 18:05

There will be a minimum of SEVEN speeches at this wedding. Do not go.

Topseyt · 30/10/2014 18:13

This isn't even your friend. It is a former student friend of your husband's and he doesn't even want to go to the wedding (or weeding, love that one Grin). Do you even know this person that well?? It sounds like it isn't your place to insist, it is your husband's call here.

Just because you have been invited to a wedding doesn't mean you have to go. Politely declining the invitation citing prior engagements is also a perfectly acceptable (i.e. "right" in your words) thing to do. Send a card or gift voucher if it would make you feel better (though that too is not obligatory), then just go on your ready booked holiday and enjoy it.

Really, why on earth do you seem to want to let the good money you have paid for the holiday go to waste??!! That would be utter madness.

championnibbler · 30/10/2014 18:16

Go on that holiday. Feck that wedding.
To add insult to injury, on the wedding day the groom will be so busy he'll probably barely acknowledge your presence anyway.

pictish · 30/10/2014 18:17

Holiday not wedding. Without a doubt.

Topseyt · 30/10/2014 18:19

Oh, and if you have a holiday already booked and paid for then the "right thing to do" is clearly to go on the holiday. Surely! Confused

schokolade · 30/10/2014 18:23

Have you already rsvpd yes to the wedding though?

porgie80 · 30/10/2014 18:23

Who are the best men? All family? Friends he has known all his life? Friends he doesn't know as well as your DH?

porgie80 · 30/10/2014 18:25

Also- if you have that money to throw away again- could you throw it in my direction please? Because that is effectively what you are doing wasting flights. Like many others- I can't work out the point in this.

Do you have a crush on the groom and want to object to the wedding or something?

Leeds2 · 30/10/2014 18:28

Another one saying go on holiday.

Itsfab · 30/10/2014 18:31

You make no sense.

You would lose a holiday to go to a wedding with someone it seems you aren't even close too.

Why????

The holiday was already booked. First come, first served.

You are a loon if you go to this wedding and as for putting your foot down Hmm. His mates, he gets final say.

minibmw2010 · 30/10/2014 18:33

Go on holiday - a wedding invite with 2 months notice makes me think you were on the B list for invites (sorry).

Summerisle1 · 30/10/2014 18:35

Well, two things really. Firstly nobody has a right to be asked to be best man or bridesmaid or whatever the various roles are that involve standing up at the front and buying expensive outfits.

Secondly, it's just a wedding. Holidays should always take priority over weddings of people you went to uni with and aren't particularly close to now.

TimeForAnotherNameChange · 30/10/2014 18:37

Go on the holiday. Your dh can do as he likes, if that means going to the wedding by hinself, then that's his look out. You'll be sunning yourself abroad instead...

HaroldLloyd · 30/10/2014 18:41

Go on holiday!

MissBeans · 30/10/2014 18:42

My garden is in desperate need of weeding, if your dh is free this Saturday... I pay a fiver p/hr.

MrsTerrorPratchett · 30/10/2014 18:46

There will be a minimum of SEVEN speeches at this wedding. Do not go. THIIIIS... THIIIIS.

bloodyteenagers · 30/10/2014 18:55

Hello; Where are you op?
Go on holiday
But if you decide to be very wasteful, where was the tickets to and how many people?

Hassled · 30/10/2014 18:58

Is there some sort of backstory where your DH once refused to go to one of your old mate's wedding and guilted you into going on holiday instead, and the holiday turned out to be crap and you all got food poisoning? Because that's the only explanation I have as to why you wouldn't just skip this wedding.