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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hurt and a bit annoyed?

48 replies

startrek90 · 30/10/2014 11:58

This could be a long one.

About a month ago I gave birth to DS. He was five weeks early and it was all a bit sudden. I had been in hospital for a while and my DH had informed my mum what was happening and so she let the family know. It was all a little scary but everything worked out well and me and the baby are healthy etc..

Well when my son was born my DH and I told our mums and asked them to spread the word to our families and let everyone know. My mum let my little sisters and my stepdad (who I have a on off relationship with) know. I also sent my sisters (when I was recovered) picture of my DS and and a FB message as well as texting and calling them myself. I heard nothing from my middle sister. No acknowledgement nothing.

I had messages from my mum and dad and we did skype calls so they could see the baby (I live abroad) and so far they have been really involved and excited. Its been lovely.

At first I thought my little sister was giving me space and letting me recover/get to grips/settle in but after I while I thought she hadn't got the message so I tried calling her to let her know. She wasn't bothered didn't even say congratulations or anything. Don't get me wrong I did't expect her to do backflips or anything but maybe to say congrats and even acknowlege the birth of her first nephew would have been nice. I know its probably childish but I feel really hurt that she was so uninterested.

I thought best to leave alone as she can be quite difficult if you upset her but yesterday evening I get a phone call out of the blue from her telling me she is 3 months pregnant. I couldn't be happier and congratulated her and I am so excited at being an aunty. But then in the next breath my sister presents me with a list of things she wants me to buy for the baby! I was a little gobsmacked tbh especially as again she didn't ask how my DH or my DS was doing or even how I was recovering.

I am super annoyed and think its a bit grabby. AIBU not to get her stuff on the list (its things like a pram, brand name items and such) especially when I didn't even get the courtesy of a congratulations? I will probably get a few smaller things for her baby but I really resent her ringing out of the blue to give me a shopping list when she couldn't even be bothered to text back.

I am fully prepared to be told I am unreasonable but I really resent the fact that she thinks she can ignore us and then when she wants something call up and act as if nothing has happened.

OP posts:
juneybean · 30/10/2014 11:59

What was your response to her?

HumptyDumptyBumpty · 30/10/2014 12:00

YANBU. Congrats on your lovely DS!
Ignore your grabby, insensitive DSis and don't get her a bean. What goes around, comes around, and she might one day see the light and realise how unkind she was.

Wheelerdeeler · 30/10/2014 12:00

You are totally right to be upset. Don't even think about gifts for her unborn baby at the moment. Focus on your baby & those who genuinely care about ye.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 30/10/2014 12:01

Of course you're not being unreasonable, why the hell should you buy the pram? Hmm. Tell her you're not buying big items and if she sulks let her get on with it.

Congratulations on your baby by the way!

TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle · 30/10/2014 12:05

It seems a bit weird that she would just present you with a shopping list. Is that a common thing to do it your family or are you living abroad somewhere where things are much cheaper?

But on the face of it yanb at all. I wouldn't get her anything from her list at all. I'd probably say something quite passive aggressive along the lines of "oh I thought we weren't doing presents for the kids..." Confused

HazleNutt · 30/10/2014 12:12

What Teenage said: "But I understood we were not doing presents for the kids..or was yours lost in the mail?"

Mammanat222 · 30/10/2014 12:15

Tell your entitled, spoilt little brat of a sister, to piss off.

She wants you to buy her a pram???

Even if my sister had delivered my son herself and looked after him every other evening for a month I wouldn't be buying her (what I assume is) an expensive pram when she announced her pregnancy!!!

ILovePud · 30/10/2014 12:17

YANBU, how blooming cheeky and rude. I like Turtle and Nutt's responses! Congrats on your little one.

McFox · 30/10/2014 12:20

Cheeky cow, tell her to do one and expend your energy on enjoying your lovely DS!

Fudgeface123 · 30/10/2014 12:20

Why would YOU buy her stuff for her baby?

Original poster
startrek90 · 30/10/2014 12:22

Teenage no I don't live somewhere cheaper and in fact don't have a lot of money myself either. Its not a common thing to do in our family but it is common for her to do it if you catch my meaning. She gave a list to my mum as well of stuff she wants.

She is already upset as mum refused to buy the pram so she asked me too. But she has hit mum and dad with everything else because 'they bought you things' just to clarify my mum and dad bought a playmat and thats it.

My DH and I didn't ask either of our families for anything at all. All our DS things are second or third hand (including our pram) or are a cheap brand as we can't afford much else.

The only thing I asked was for my mum to come and visit us (and we are paying the air fare!)

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 30/10/2014 12:23

Say, "I have been thinking about presents for your baby and think I'll get him/her what you got me."

Viviennemary · 30/10/2014 12:24

She sounds immature and cheeky. Just ignore the list and get her a present that you choose yourself. I wonder if she could be a bit jealous. Are you a lot better off financially than she is.

Inertia · 30/10/2014 12:24

Why on earth would it fall to you to buy stuff for her baby?

TheCraicDealer · 30/10/2014 12:24

I would be tempted to say you've looked at the list and are thinking of present ideas for the new arrival. Then ask if she's sent anything for your DS as, "our post has been a bit funny lately and I'd hate it if we'd missed a delivery and it's gone awol".

Or you could ask her if she'd like a double pram instead so she can transport her massive sense of entitlement as well as her new DC.

Fudgeface123 · 30/10/2014 12:26

I'd be tempted to tell her to jog on! I just can't believe she's demanded those things...rude bitch

mamafridi · 30/10/2014 12:31

What was your relationship like before? Had your sis always shown similar bratty qualities before? If so then I am afraid you are going to toughen up your skin because families are a minefield. And it'll possibly get worse especially when her baby is born. I mean you have just got the first taste of her self- absorption with her news. I would use the fact that you live abroad as an excuse to distance yourself from her mean-spirited ways.
Sorry to be so negative but I have a similar situation with my own sister and it's made me kind of bitter Hmm.
Don't let this ruin your very special time with your son.
Good luck!

fuzzpig · 30/10/2014 12:35

Say, "I have been thinking about presents for your baby and think I'll get him/her what you got me."

Ha! That's perfect. Can't believe she would not even acknowledge your baby's birth and then demand stuff Hmm ugh.

Congratulations to you! Thanks

Original poster
startrek90 · 30/10/2014 12:35

Vivien No not at all. I am a student and my DH works in a shop. My sister is a nurse and her BiL is an engineer. They have a massive 3 bed house and 2 cars and live the high life. We have a small flat and we live a very simple life (which suits us tbh)

I am used to her having to one up everything. She got engaged 3 days before our wedding but waited to tell people until we had signed the register and then standing up and informing everyone whilst we were still in the church! She decided to wait until our wedding day as 'everyone would be there'

Bless my DH, he is very polite to her but made it clear that he was unimpressed last night when I got off the phone. I think he was shocked as he can't imagine anyone behaving like she does sometimes.

OP posts:
SDTGisASpookyWoooolefGenius · 30/10/2014 12:38

I like ImperialBlether's answer. I was going to suggest:

"Hi Sis,
I am afraid I won't be able to buy you a pram - or anything else from your list - because we have just had to buy all of these things (except the playmat which mum and dad kindly got us) for our own son - you know, your nephew who was born 5 weeks early, whose existence you have yet to acknowledge, and whose birth has passed by totally without any congratulations from you!

I wish you all the best in your pregnancy and birth. Maybe it will help you to realise how hurtful it was when you completely ignored me, the trauma of our ds arriving early, and didn't send so much as a card.

Love, startrek"

SDTGisASpookyWoooolefGenius · 30/10/2014 12:39

Cross-posted - she announced her engagement in the church, just after you had signed the registers?? Bloody hell - there are no words!!

carlsonrichards · 30/10/2014 12:41

'No, I won't be getting those. It's not in my budget. You really upset me.'

WalkingInMemphis · 30/10/2014 12:45

I was a little gobsmacked tbh

A little gobsmacked?

What did you say to her? Surely the only response is 'hang on, hang on...what on Earth are you talking about? Why would I buy you a pram?' then and there. On the call. The end.

Sorry op...I am fully acquainted with what having a grabby, selfish sister is like and could tell you stories that would make your hair curl...but it seems a little far fetched to me.

Dinosaursdontgrowontrees · 30/10/2014 12:46

I think SDT response is perfect. congratulations on your baby op!

Mammanat222 · 30/10/2014 12:51

"I am used to her having to one up everything. She got engaged 3 days before our wedding but waited to tell people until we had signed the register and then standing up and informing everyone whilst we were still in the church! She decided to wait until our wedding day as 'everyone would be there'!"

Really?

Wowser words completely fail me but it sounds like the issues are much more far reaching than just the baby issue.

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