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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be hurt and a bit annoyed?

48 replies

startrek90 · 30/10/2014 11:58

This could be a long one.

About a month ago I gave birth to DS. He was five weeks early and it was all a bit sudden. I had been in hospital for a while and my DH had informed my mum what was happening and so she let the family know. It was all a little scary but everything worked out well and me and the baby are healthy etc..

Well when my son was born my DH and I told our mums and asked them to spread the word to our families and let everyone know. My mum let my little sisters and my stepdad (who I have a on off relationship with) know. I also sent my sisters (when I was recovered) picture of my DS and and a FB message as well as texting and calling them myself. I heard nothing from my middle sister. No acknowledgement nothing.

I had messages from my mum and dad and we did skype calls so they could see the baby (I live abroad) and so far they have been really involved and excited. Its been lovely.

At first I thought my little sister was giving me space and letting me recover/get to grips/settle in but after I while I thought she hadn't got the message so I tried calling her to let her know. She wasn't bothered didn't even say congratulations or anything. Don't get me wrong I did't expect her to do backflips or anything but maybe to say congrats and even acknowlege the birth of her first nephew would have been nice. I know its probably childish but I feel really hurt that she was so uninterested.

I thought best to leave alone as she can be quite difficult if you upset her but yesterday evening I get a phone call out of the blue from her telling me she is 3 months pregnant. I couldn't be happier and congratulated her and I am so excited at being an aunty. But then in the next breath my sister presents me with a list of things she wants me to buy for the baby! I was a little gobsmacked tbh especially as again she didn't ask how my DH or my DS was doing or even how I was recovering.

I am super annoyed and think its a bit grabby. AIBU not to get her stuff on the list (its things like a pram, brand name items and such) especially when I didn't even get the courtesy of a congratulations? I will probably get a few smaller things for her baby but I really resent her ringing out of the blue to give me a shopping list when she couldn't even be bothered to text back.

I am fully prepared to be told I am unreasonable but I really resent the fact that she thinks she can ignore us and then when she wants something call up and act as if nothing has happened.

OP posts:

OTheHugeManatee · 30/10/2014 12:54

Is there any way at all that she might have been TTC, had miscarriages or anything like that, that might get in the way of her being happy for you when you gave birth?

Or is she just self-centred?

Original poster

startrek90 · 30/10/2014 12:55

Walking I just said that we can't afford stuff like that and that we will probably send some little things on. She is sulking now. I asked her if she wanted a nice proper photo of my DS and she just didn't answer.

When my sister doesn't get what she wants she sulks and causes a massive drama. I think my mum is still recovering from her wedding. She hasn't forgiven me for not being able to go as I was pregnant and ill at the time.

OP posts:

TimeWarp · 30/10/2014 13:00

YANBU. She is a self-centred attention-seeker. I would send back a kind message saying that you would love to help but you can't afford it. You really recommend that she start looking for good quality second-hand items as that is what you have done. Tell her she may have got hold of the wrong end of the stick about what your parents have bought for you as it was just a playmat, put a picture on the email so there's no confusion. You wish her all the best at this exciting time and look forward to seing photos of your gorgeous new niece/nephew.

She will try to tell the whole world that you are a big meany but anyone who knows her and knows you won't believe it and you don't give a damn what people think who don't know you.

Fudgeface123 · 30/10/2014 13:41

Watch it, she'll be asking for your pram next

Venticoffeecup · 30/10/2014 14:05

YANBU to ignore her list and her demands. Frankly I would literally just ignore it and never mention it again unless she does.

However I still think you should treat her in the way you would want to be treated. When her baby is born I think you should be full of congratulations and send her a nice card and a little gift, such as a onesie or something like that.

You don't want to stoop to her level by treating her the way she treated you. Also you will have a new niece or nephew you will want to keep in your life. It sounds like this child will really need your influence in it's life if you sister is as 'unique' as you describe.

Aeroflotgirl · 30/10/2014 14:59

Yanbu tell her to shove that list up her arse. Ask her what she got you? I know material things aren't, important, but this brass neck needs being dealt with.

Aeroflotgirl · 30/10/2014 15:00

Just read your last post, how old is she? Sounds like she is a spoilt little madame, you should treat her as such.

Aeroflotgirl · 30/10/2014 15:04

I agree venti, but ignore her silly demands, after all it's not your nephew/nieces fault they have a spoiled Madame as a mother.

Aeroflotgirl · 30/10/2014 15:09

I agree StD, tell her you will be getting her dc the same as she got you. Cheeky sod!

PinkAndBlueBedtimeScares · 30/10/2014 15:18

All seems very odd, tbh I'd just tell her next time it comes up that you'll pick up something cute or handy when dc is born, but it won't be anything off of the list as too £ and your still recovering from the £ of buying 99% of stuff for your dc yourselves. Send a nice card and present when dc is born, take the moral high ground..

NightOfTheLivingRed · 30/10/2014 15:22

"I have been thinking about presents for your baby and think I'll get him/her what you got me."

This.
just this.

WipsGlitter · 30/10/2014 15:24

Honestly? Who gets on like that? Who actually asks someone to get them a pram and stuff?? I just don't get it.

Aeroflotgirl · 30/10/2014 15:25

Yes a card and a nice little out fit or toy from Asda or Tesco will suffice. Do it for your nephew or niece, not her.

KERALA1 · 30/10/2014 15:27

Agree with everyone else you are so NBU!

Buster510 · 30/10/2014 15:29

She just sounds as though she's jealous of you in my opinion, therefore if the attention isn't on her, it can't be on you or anyone else. I'd just buy 'usual' baby bits you would normally get a new born, but nothing extravagant like she is asking!

It sounds as though it probably isn't worth getting into an argument etc over either, if she has done this kind of things in the past, she is unlikely to change her opinion / ways.

I do agree though I would be irritated too, just focus on your new little one :)

Waltermittythesequel · 30/10/2014 15:31

Send Imperial's response.

UriGeller · 30/10/2014 15:32

Reply, "You'll be a mother soon. Congratulations! it's now time to stand on your own two feet"

Itsfab · 30/10/2014 15:38

Congratulations on your lovely baby. I hope he is okay now after his premature birth.

Call you mum. Make she is okay and ignore this annoying little fly that insists your jam sandwich is hers.

Original poster

startrek90 · 30/10/2014 18:40

Thanks for the replies...I needed to vent.

My sister has form for this spoiled brat type behaviour. She has always been materialistic and is the sort of person who has to have whatever you have but better.

Normally I ignore her when she is like this (at my wedding I was embarassed for her as she looked like an idiot) but this has rankled. My mum wants me to ignore it as 'you know what your sister is like'.

I feel worried for my mum though as I know she is taking stock of whatever my mum and dad do for my DS (like coming to visit even though I am paying) and demand the same- but bigger and better. I now don't want my mum to send anything for my DS (she wants to buy him xmas pressies) as I know my sis will put pressure on her.

OP posts:

OwlinaTree · 30/10/2014 18:57

The best reaction is no reaction if she is a drama queen type. Just ignore the list and either buy what you like or buy nothing when your niece or nephew is born. Be a bit vague about it all.

Tell your mum this is what you are doing if your sister is likely to drag her into it.

Congratulations on your little one.

Momagain1 · 30/10/2014 19:13

It's easy enough to be quite open about you guys buying your mum's airfare, though I suppose your sis will insist on the same amount of time for a visit and then treat your mother like a lying in nurse. BEWARE

Now is a good time to adopt a policy of simply not discussing anything your parents do or don't do for your children. The physical distance is a great blessing here, if sis tries to pry and guess or demand you can minimize and deny her OTT assumptions.

twizzleship · 30/10/2014 19:28

My mum wants me to ignore it as 'you know what your sister is like' You can't keep ignoring her behaviour for the rest of your life whilst still allowing yourselves to be on the recieving end of her bullshit. I'd send her an email explaining how you felt at her lack of acknowledgement or interest in her nephew - you're FIRST child! Let her know just how selfish and self centred her behaviour is and that you are NOT accepting this any longer. By ignoring it you only condone and encourage her attitude and behaviour. Tell her to grow the fuck up and start taking responsibility for her own actions and their consequences. Why don't you ask her straight out why she expects all this from you when it there was nothing forthcoming from her?

I now don't want my mum to send anything for my DS (she wants to buy him xmas pressies) as I know my sis will put pressure on her Well neither you or your mum are under any obligation to tell her what presents you get. if she asks you just refuse to tell her. let her sulk. Refuse to engage with her until she grows up and changes her stinking attitude.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/10/2014 23:08

Totally twizzleshipp, your sister has got to pt ake responsibility for her awful behaviour, your mum is enabling it. Your mum has every right to buy her grandchild presents, it's none of your sisters business, unless she doesent buy her other Gc presents. From what I understand, it hasen't been born yet!

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