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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if you still fancy your partner?

62 replies

dippylongstocking · 30/10/2014 01:03

Just that, really.

DH and I have been together for over 10 years. I love him to death, but I don't think I fancy him anymore.

Just wondered if anyone else has experienced this and if so, what did you do about it?

OP posts:
LilAnnieAmphetamine · 30/10/2014 10:23

Here's a lovely arm for you all- well I am rather fond of it :)

To ask if you still fancy your partner?
Lariflete · 30/10/2014 10:24

MouthfulofQuiz that happened to me the other day! He's still the only man I really look at physically but as Medusa said it is also about who he is.
He is just the sexiest man alive and since we have both started regular exercise we are a lot more physical together too (as much as we can with a 3 yo and 1 yo).
Been together 12 years and married 8.

NotYouNaanBread · 30/10/2014 10:30

Yes. Together 10 years, married 8, 2 children. He's still only 32 though, God bless him, so he has no excuse not to look great. :) He's been taking part in a very physical sport for the last year or so, which has given him a lot more definition, and his arms and shoulders are bigger, which is nice. Wink

fluffyraggies · 30/10/2014 10:44

Yes. Ridiculously so.

Together nearly 9 years. Living together 7 years. Married 2 years.

I fancy him in his work gear. I fancy him in his slobby gear. I fancy him in his smart gear. O.M.G how I fancy him when he is nekid. I even fancy him when he smells Grin

I love him too. Deeply.

seriously i do wonder if/when i will ever stop feeling like a weak-kneed teenager when he looks into my eyes

Sandiacre · 30/10/2014 10:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aronb · 30/10/2014 10:58

You need to think carefully about what it is to 'fancy' someone. It changes over time. Of course it does. Have you seen any old couples (really old, I mean, not just 50's or 60's even) who sit around holding hands, smile secretively at each other, help each other around and so on? (If not, look around you a bit more. We're there!) Think a bit about these oldies ...

... Do you think those old people fancy each other? Of course they don't in the way young people do; they don't get the immediate physical/emotional/mental response they perhaps once had; they see their partner's saggy arse, wrinkled skin, arthritis-knobbled joints and all the rest. Time tells on us humans. But, somehow, they do (they really do, trust me on this, I know!) definitely fancy one another still, albeit in a different way.

OK, you're not there yet. Not by a long chalk. But you're on a path that (if you're very lucky) is leading there. And (again, trust me on this) it's somewhere very nice to be if you can manage it.

Now think of how there might be a continuous change in what 'fancying' someone means if the original heart-stopping-lost-my-appetite-I-love-you-you're-so-beautiful 'fancying' is to change, little-by-little to this other, deeper, more-considered-but-if-anything-stronger-I-love-you-you're-still-beautiful kind of 'fancying' that you hope (if you have any sense) to achieve some day.

Can you fit how you do/don't 'fancy' your partner just at this moment on that sort of continuum, with a bit (perhaps a lot) of thought? If so, stay together. Work at your relationship. (All relationships need work; how could they not?) Talk. Think. Talk more. Have lots of sex. Talk about sex. Etc., etc. ... If not - and if you really can't see any way of getting back onto such a continuum - well, you might need to think again, maybe put the relationship to rest.

Good luck!

enormouse · 30/10/2014 11:17

Yes, but we're relative beginners at this. Been together 5 years, 2 kids and we're only in our mid twenties. There was a lot of attraction when we first met and I was worried that would fade but it's deepened and been replaced by something a bit more lasting.

I think he's very sexy. He has gorgeous grey-blue eyes and is very broad and muscly. He has the David tennant style lock of messy dark, hair that always falls over his forehead.

He's confident and compassionate and I find it unbearably sweet when he reads to the Dc and does different accents. He looked after me and the boys when I was at my lowest and could barely get out of bed and that makes me love him even more. And surprisingly, he's still as mad about me as when we first met.

Squirrelsmum · 30/10/2014 11:45

Yes. We've been together 9 years.

MinginInTheRain · 30/10/2014 12:06

Think this is a lovely thread - very heartwarming.

I remember a similar thread where it was much more negative. I guess it's harder to admit you don't fancy your partner when most of the posts are so loved up and lusty and utterly realistic too about how passion can change over the years.

As for me I'll happily admit that I sometimes do and sometimes don't. Generally coincides with my hormonal cycle.. Gets me worried about the menopause..Confused Been together 24 years, 4 DC. Would wholeheartedly agree that as we get older it's more about what he means to me than his looks. I can still look at him and go Phroar but it's more usual for me to look at him and think he's lovely and we are lucky to still like hanging out together.

Oneandahalfboys · 30/10/2014 13:06

Yes definitely, been together since we were 16, which is 16 years and our next wedding anniversary will be our 10th. Our relationship obviously has changed in that time, we're not teenagers anymore! But we have a closeness that is so special. DH takes much better care of himself now than he ever has and I think he looks more attractive than ever. I think he's going to age really well and I'm going to struggle to keep up, it's not fair that having children takes such a toll on women's looks!

schmalice · 30/10/2014 13:32

I do him but I don't think he does me at the moment. I'm 31 weeks pregnant and sadly he has kind of said as much. This makes me incredibly sad and afraid about what will happen when we have our much wanted DC.

Probably not the place to say this but the thread struck me as it's been weighing on my mind for some months.

sbm78 · 30/10/2014 13:35

Leela5 - I'm going through the same with my merina coil, my sex drive is non existant. Causing a real strain in our relationship.

Im going to have it removed

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