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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you still fancy your partner?

62 replies

dippylongstocking · 30/10/2014 01:03

Just that, really.

DH and I have been together for over 10 years. I love him to death, but I don't think I fancy him anymore.

Just wondered if anyone else has experienced this and if so, what did you do about it?

OP posts:
FrancesNiadova · 30/10/2014 08:13

Ooh yesss! We've been together for 24 years, I still love his eyes, his looong legs & perfectly shaped bum. His lazy, lopsided grin is gorgeous! Blush
What's AMAZING, is that after becoming disabled & then having a mastectomy, he still fancies me!
I love him!

JohnFarleysRuskin · 30/10/2014 08:19

Yes. 8 years together and it's like he put a spell on me :) - in a good way!

UpduffedBatty · 30/10/2014 08:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WowserBooooooooooooser · 30/10/2014 08:45

Yes, definitely.

I had 4 LTR before him that all ended after I stopped fancying them. I was worried I would never get passed 2.5 years without that happening.

I met him, so wasn't my type but we kind of fell together and i became pretty obssessed with him!I like confidence in a man. And he is definitely confident!

He's just had his hair cut and I keep looking at him thinking how handsome he is and generally just PHWOOOAAARR. Oh I love that pain in the arse.

bananaramadrama · 30/10/2014 08:46

What a lovely thread, nice to read about you lovely dh's. Mine is absolutely lovely. He is a little overweight, balding and approaching 50 but to me he look as gorgeous as the day I met him aged 30. He is relaxed and easy going and is amazing with our dc. I fancy the pants off him!. He is away at the moment, can't wait until he gets home tomorrow.

Hushabyelullaby · 30/10/2014 08:52

Yeah absolutely, we've been together since '97, and it still takes me by surprise how much I fancy him (he also drives me mad and I could kill him sometimes, but that's a whole other topic) Grin

FoxgloveFairy · 30/10/2014 08:53

I do. Yep, he's 48 and overweight, but he has a killer smile and blue eyes that haven't changed and I guess won't. His hair is grey now, but it suits him. He is always tanned really. Also, a wonderfully sexy voice.

BolshierAyraStark · 30/10/2014 08:58

Yep, together 16 years.

TheWanderingUterus · 30/10/2014 09:00

Definitely.

And I know he feels the same about me.

14 years and I have never met anyone that even comes close to how brilliant he is.

Mammanat222 · 30/10/2014 09:16

7 years, 2 kiddies in and I still think my OH is utterly gorgeous (hoping this next baby has more of his features as DS is very like me!!)

OH is quite striking - dark hair, green eyes, big red lips. Fab body - well proportioned, toned, nice to look at and he doesn't have to work hard at it. One of his best features is that he doesn't "know" how good he looks.

BUT I don't always want to rip his clothes off?

Chunderella · 30/10/2014 09:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WalkingInMemphis · 30/10/2014 09:28

Yes...at times.

Not ALL the time. I don't look at him when he's randomly about the place in jeans and tshirt and get butterflies, like I used to. But I don't really see his looks...he's just dh.

I doubt he fancies me much at the moment...sitting in my onesie, with a stinking cold, full of phlegm and a nose like Rudolph.

The sexiest I've seen him (when my stomach flipped everytime I looked at him) was on our wedding day, which was only a few months ago (been together 10 years).

FriendlyLadybird · 30/10/2014 09:35

Cor, yes. I think he's got better looking as he's got older, and he's still very, very funny and clever and kind.

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks · 30/10/2014 09:37

We've been together for 12 years. Sometimes I really fancy him and sometimes I want to throw him out of the window.

puffylovett · 30/10/2014 09:46

Mosty I fancy him when I am ovulating. When I'm on my period I want to throttle him.

But I love his tanned arms, his laugh and the fact he can make me laugh at the drop of a hat. Like someone else said, he's so big he can wrap me up in a huge hug and I just feel really safe and loved.
I loathe his table manners though!!

Deeky · 30/10/2014 09:48

Leela5 thank you for reminding us that hormones can play a bit part and changes in feelings may not always be permanent.
I am single and since starting the menopause I have not fancied anyone!
It's lovely to hear lots of your are still "loved up" after years of marriage though.
I am gonna try HRT to see if I can re-ignite the flame!

HolgerDanske · 30/10/2014 09:55

I also fancy mine hugely. I'm a lucky thing to have him Smile

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 30/10/2014 09:57

Oh God yes, definitely. Coming up to 25 years.

confusedofengland · 30/10/2014 10:00

We've been together 14 years & have 3 DC under 6, but I fancy my DH now more than ever! He was my first serious & sexual partner & my confidence in that area has rocketed. We just keep discovering new things together, safe in the knowledge that if something doesn't work out, we can laugh about it together & know that nothing will change.

Physically, I think he looks good (particularly when he makes an effort), but he can look rough too Grin I do recognise other men as being physically very attractive, more so than DH, but the thing that does it for me with DH is the connection & the history that we have, iyswim

BatTeethKeith · 30/10/2014 10:08

Yes.

Not so much when he comes home from his day job all sweaty and smelly and wearing his awful glasses that really don't suit him.

Definitely a couple of hours later though, when he is showered, shaved, smart and wearing contacts to go and entertain the crowd, then he is still very sexy. Sadly by the time he comes home I am always asleep! Smile

rb32 · 30/10/2014 10:11

Medusa, lovely post.

Been with my gf for about 6 years, still think she's the hottest thing in town.

Sallystyle · 30/10/2014 10:12

Yes. He still makes me swoon when I look at him.

We have been together just over 8 years.

Mouthfulofquiz · 30/10/2014 10:14

I know that I still fancy my DH for two reasons:
1: I saw a man from a distance in town and thought 'he is NICE'. Got closer to him and realised it was DH!
2: I saw a man in his sixties the other day and thought 'what a good looking chap - that is what DH will look like when he's older'.

I also fancy him because he is considerate, clever, musical, and a kind and patient dad. Lovely topic to start the day OP!

LilAnnieAmphetamine · 30/10/2014 10:18

Yes we both still do. I only have to look at his arms and eyes (very kind eyes) and I am gone. . He is very fit though, not gym fit with all that 'fake' muscle but life and vigor fit. That does help although I'd be attracted to him no matter what he looked like because he is kind and funny and clever.

I still see the man I met in him but without all that initial uncertainty you have at the very start of a relationship. I know I am fortunate.

SweetsForMySweet · 30/10/2014 10:23

We're still very much in love and fancy each other. We've been together 14 years. It does take effort especially since dc have come along but it's definitely worth it. I think the way dh treats me and dc also helps. I'm pregnant at the moment (with hormones and body changes I don't feel very sexy sometimes) and he still looks at me like I'm his dream fantasy come true. I think most couples have ups and downs but once you communicate, have fun and enjoy spending time together, it keeps you close through the tough days.