Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told a mother to not hit her child

75 replies

Queenofwands · 29/10/2014 23:42

I was shopping today with my partner and a woman was spoken to by a shop assistant because her small child ( about 6) had almost knocked over a shop instillation. The woman didn't engage with the shop assistant but I saw her a few minutes later drag the child by the hood and hit him on his back. I then saw her hit him so hard on the side of his head that she knocked him to the ground. The shop was very busy and everyone was just stood watching as she was screaming at the boy. I approached her and very calmly said "don't hit that child like that again" ...She went mental and started screaming into my face. I stood my ground and just repeated what I said calmly and she just screamed ...I'll kill you he's my child how dare you tell me not to control him. Then security led her away still screaming....the thing is it might be the norm in her culture but I just couldn't watch it happen and say nothing..The security guards didn't seem very concerned about the child. I don't have children but surely this is not acceptable?

OP posts:
neenienana · 30/10/2014 14:39

Well done, I once saw awoman punch her son very hard kn the arm in tescos and I did nothing at the tkme as I had my baby with me. I did however mention it to the manager and pointed her out. He said he had seen some terrible treatment of kids as yoy can imagine.

concernedaboutheboy · 30/10/2014 14:47

There are certainly cultural differences about how you discipline children. But that doesn't mean that those who sanction beatings are right. Not being abused is a universal human right, which trumps 'culture' IMO.

Well done you, OP

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 30/10/2014 14:52

That's right Emily, clearly mentioning a phrase means it must be more concerning than violence against a child Hmm

Is it ok to chuck casual racism in as long as you are expressing good sentiments towards children?

lemisscared · 30/10/2014 14:55

Wow racism and mh prejudice in one thread. Well done OP

theposterformallyknownas · 30/10/2014 15:00

If you want to follow this up, contact the Police and they will speak to security guards and look at cctv then decide whether to take it further.
My ds1 gets this all the time, but he is usually the one who calls the Police.
Unfortunately, they are under no obligation to report and as my ds1 informs me it is shocking how often this happens.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 30/10/2014 15:05

"It.might be ok in her culture"is a tad Britain first meme

Davsmum · 30/10/2014 15:06

Well done! If more people spoke out instead of standing and watching in silence it would help!!
I think you were brave. It also lets the child know that it is NOT acceptable for his mother to be hitting him. Too many children think it is their fault and its what Mums can do!

I hope I would do the same as you did

ArtemisiaGentileschisThumb · 30/10/2014 15:14

Well done op, you totally did the Trisha thing and it was very brave of you. At the very least that child will hopefully remember that a nice lady stuck up for him and what was happening was not ok.

Maybe I'm being naive but I don't see how not knowing whether or not striking a child is a cultural norm is casual racism. However regardless of that as the mother is currently in England our laws apply rather than her cultural norms, as it does for anyone - we have to apply by the laws of the country we are in regardless of our culture or background.

ArtemisiaGentileschisThumb · 30/10/2014 15:15

Trisha!? Ffs I meant the RIGHT thing. Damn you auto correct.

onerepublic · 30/10/2014 15:22

Yeah OP, you should have made a citizen's arrest. Anyone would have done the same.

Call the police and report it. You did right to stand up for that little boy.

Monathevampire1 · 30/10/2014 15:23

Well done QueenofWands.

Monathevampire1 · 30/10/2014 15:24

Well done QueenofWands.

daisychain01 · 30/10/2014 15:31

The very thought of anyone, man woman or child being hit round the head gives me cold shivers. Vile behaviour.

You did a brave thing by bringing it to the attention of the person on duty. Who knows if it will do any good with that particular woman, but this behaviour definitely needs to be stigmatised in public.

YourKidsYourRulesHunXxx · 30/10/2014 15:42

Definitely call the police.

I understand what you mean regarding the cultural thing, whether it is right or wrong. People crying 'ignorance' on this thread becausen the OP recognised that she was foreign and wasn't sure if the woman hitting her child was normal in her country- well, yes, it is ignorance- not every knows everyone else in the world's cultural norms.

She was wrong to do it, plain as. The law in this country says that it is illegal. Plus the nature of her behaviour was abusive and vicious. Good for you sticking up for the child- please report it.

northgoingzax · 30/10/2014 15:46

Well done Queen - that's exactly what I would do. Additionally if you ever see something like this again and there is something identifiable about the woman - e.g. happening near her car - car registration then contact children services or NSPCC as she may have a history of this sort of thing and would be investigated. You could be saving a child's life.

PenguinSalute · 30/10/2014 16:00

Totally agree with you intervening OP. I work in child protection, and we are trained that, in law smacking is a grey area, but it does say that physical force to a child should be considered unlawful 'apart from where it constitutes reasonable chastisement'.

Wrt smacking, I'm sure people could debate it all day, but one thing is clear, the behaviour you describe is not 'reasonable chastisement'.

Culture definitely impacts the view of physical punishment to children, but in this country we abide by The Children Act, regardless of beliefs or cultural acceptability. We do not have a statutory obligation to report abuse in this country yet, but if you call 101 it will be viewed, rightly, as assault and recognised as such.

Babyroobs · 30/10/2014 16:33

Mnay years ago I challenged a mum who was hitting her 4 year ol around the head. It resulted in her following me down the street with her fist up to my face in front of my own 3 small children. I would never do it again but would certainly report to the police straightaway.

JuanPotatoTwo · 30/10/2014 17:03

Op, so very well done for intervening. That poor child will probably always remember the time the stranger in Primark stood up for him. It sickens me people treat their dc in this way. I think you did a very good thing.

I was once punched in the stomach when I was heavily pregnant with my Ds1. I was in a queue in a shop with my mum, and the woman in front of us in the queue slapped her child across the face. My mum told her off - and the woman turned round and thumped me. Thanks mum! This was near enough 22 years ago, and I remember the look on the child's face, what both he and his mother were wearing etc so very clearly.

honeybunny14 · 30/10/2014 17:07

Yanbu I wouldn't have been as calm as you in that situation Angry

0898 · 30/10/2014 17:31

I remember years ago a poster on here saying how she dealt with this situation.

She ignored the mother and knelt down and addressed the child saying something like "I just want you to know that it is never OK for anyone to hit you" and when the mother started yelling and swearing she stood up to her and said, really coldly "I wasn't talking to you."

I thought that was bloody marvellous.

raltheraffe · 30/10/2014 19:10

I think you absolutely did the wrong thing.

Did your behaviour calm the situation? No, it had the opposite effect, you inflamed things.

Do you really think what you said will have a lasting affect on her anger management issues or the way she disciplines the child?

In situations like this you phone the police on 101. You may find that since it was in a shop you can get CCTV evidence.

Original poster
Queenofwands · 30/10/2014 20:03

I spoke to my friend who said she will speak to someone in that force on my behalf but with just CCTV it will be difficult. She also said I had probably got the child's age wrong and he would be younger than 6 from my description of height so easier to knock to the floor. In respect of the phrase culture I am sorry if I caused offence, but that was why I wondered if I was being unreasonable so I think it was relevant. It felt like I was interfering but as I said after thinking about it I was being illogical and I agree law of the land applies but I don't know the law on smacking children only that you are allowed to hit kids. Raltheraffe she was still hitting the child when I spoke to her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Queenofwands · 30/10/2014 20:05

0898 That's a fantastic way to deal with it.

OP posts:
raltheraffe · 30/10/2014 20:37

I had a similar situation in an Asda. I went straight to security and told them and they located the family who were still shopping on their CCTV. A security guy followed them to their car and got the registration and then I called 101 from the store and reported it.
I do not think having a pop at someone who clearly has anger management problems is a good idea, as it just makes them more cross.

sickntiredtoo · 01/11/2014 16:18

At the beginning of term , i saw a dad slapping hard the legs of a little boy who wouldn't join in his swimming class.It was school age lessons so he must have been 4 but he looked absolutely tiny.
That was difficult, because he wasn't technically breaking the law but it made me Angry and Sad and the poor little mite was sobbing his heart out

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread