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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have told a mother to not hit her child

75 replies

Queenofwands · 29/10/2014 23:42

I was shopping today with my partner and a woman was spoken to by a shop assistant because her small child ( about 6) had almost knocked over a shop instillation. The woman didn't engage with the shop assistant but I saw her a few minutes later drag the child by the hood and hit him on his back. I then saw her hit him so hard on the side of his head that she knocked him to the ground. The shop was very busy and everyone was just stood watching as she was screaming at the boy. I approached her and very calmly said "don't hit that child like that again" ...She went mental and started screaming into my face. I stood my ground and just repeated what I said calmly and she just screamed ...I'll kill you he's my child how dare you tell me not to control him. Then security led her away still screaming....the thing is it might be the norm in her culture but I just couldn't watch it happen and say nothing..The security guards didn't seem very concerned about the child. I don't have children but surely this is not acceptable?

OP posts:

RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime · 30/10/2014 04:58

"I've heard so much about culture but surely in any culture all child abuse is illegal or have I missed something"

Seriously?

Oriunda · 30/10/2014 06:53

In Italy smacking a child is considered culturally accepted by some. There was a case a few years back where a politician (from my DH's part of Italy) went to Sweden on holiday and was arrested because he smacked his son. He spent some time in a police cell and the matter caused great debate back in Italy.

Original poster

Queenofwands · 30/10/2014 07:36

I have a friend who is a police inspector and who has zero tolerance for this type of thing and I will speak to her today for advice. I agree re the tip of the iceberg, and I shouldn't have been put off by thinking that it might not the case if she was foreign.....flawed logic there but it all happened very quickly. Also thinking about it I think everyone else was backing away because they thought she was going to hit me and she was scary not because they thought what she did was OK. I wasn't scared because I knew if she did hit me she wouldn't have been able to do much before some men in the store would pull her off. With me being an adult and all!

OP posts:

DaisyFlowerChain · 30/10/2014 08:19

I would of had security call the police too. Then as as would have gotten involved and perhaps the child would be able to have a better future.

If an adult can assault a child in public, what happens in private

hackmum · 30/10/2014 08:36

Of course it varies from culture to culture. What sort of fantasy world do people live in where they imagine that children are treated with basic decency all over the world? It's not that long since it was considered acceptable to hit children in the UK - when I was a child, corporal punishment was still used in schools.

What an upsetting thing to witness. And, as has often been said on Mumsnet before, if she'll hit a child like that in public, what's she doing at home?

yellowsnownoteatwillyou · 30/10/2014 08:49

The police could take up to 2 hrs to get there unfortunately and the whole thing would take at least an hour to see if CCTV footage would be avaliable, take statements from witnesses, so where and how do you think this would happen?
I'm not disputing it's wrong and there are ways that this could be reported and action taken place.just pointing out the reality of the situation.

Iggly · 30/10/2014 08:52

You did the right thing.

Poor kid.

dingdongdonna · 30/10/2014 09:58

Next time, call the police, who in turn will get social services involved. What an awful woman.

sickntiredtoo · 30/10/2014 12:35

By her culture the lady had a foreign accent as did the other lady she was with..but I don't know where they were from. I know in some countries hitting children is more acceptable

completely irrelevant.She is in the UK and the law here is that we don't hit children on the head.

sickntiredtoo · 30/10/2014 12:40

'The police could take up to 2 hrs to get there unfortunately and the whole thing would take at least an hour to see if CCTV footage would be avaliable, take statements from witnesses, so where and how do you think this would happen?'

You could have made a citizens arrest

applemac · 30/10/2014 12:42

When people behave like this in the full view of strangers then it makes me wonder what that poor child endures at home? :(

How sad. Well done for standing up for him though OP.

Viviennemary · 30/10/2014 12:43

This sounds very bad. But screaming at the person wouldn't have done any good because they won't listen to reason and it won't stop it happening again.. If you're worried call the police and report the incident. Because it might have been recorded on the shop's CCTV.

Viviennemary · 30/10/2014 12:43

I don't blame you for screaming though as it must have been distressing to witness.

Lottapianos · 30/10/2014 12:50

You were absolutely right to get involved and well done for being so brave OP. Shame on everyone else who just stood by.

'It should be illegal to hit your child, even a smack is wrong'

Completely agree with this. Its assault, and you would not be allowed to do it to anyone else so why your own child? No excuses.

HighwayDragon · 30/10/2014 13:04

I'd have done the same OP, and I'm a 'smacker'

redexpat · 30/10/2014 13:12

Cultural norms from another country are irrelevant when you live in a country with a law that states that you cannot beat your child (Scotland, Wales) - what's the exact wording in English law - something about leaving no more than a red mark? She broke the law, end of.

Well one for standing up to her. Studies show that the more people there are, the less likely that someone will act or speak up.

Marylou2 · 30/10/2014 13:18

Well done OP.It's a horrible situation to be in. I posted an almost identical thread about a year ago. The thing I found hardest was the complete lack of reaction from other shoppers. I wonded if people are willing to behave this way in public what they might do behind closed doors.

ginnycreeper5 · 30/10/2014 13:20

Doesn't matter what culture she is from, or what is the norm in her culture.
She's in this country. And in this country it is NOT normal to beat a child, especially about the head - which is what she was doing by the sounds of it.

You should have called the police. (Just hope to God the poor child doesn't get more of it, when they get home)

You did the right thing tackling her. Disgusting really how others did nothing.

Marylou2 · 30/10/2014 13:20

"wondered" silly tiny keyboard.

BuckskinnedAstronaut · 30/10/2014 13:29

" screaming at the person wouldn't have done any good [...] I don't blame you for screaming though as it must have been distressing to witness."

OP didn't scream, though -- she specifically says in her post that she spoke "calmly".

HSMMaCM · 30/10/2014 13:30

I agree with the others. Culture is irrelevant, it's the law in this country which is relevant.

Viviennemary · 30/10/2014 13:38

Ah sorry. Should have read the post properly.

MorelliOrRanger · 30/10/2014 14:25

Poor baby, you did the right thing. It makes me so sad that anyone can have children, even if they shouldn't.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 30/10/2014 14:30

YaNBU.

I would probably have reported it.

Not a big fan of the phrase. "In her culture" mind you. Or "in britain do as british do"

EmilyGilmore · 30/10/2014 14:39

I knew posters would be more concerned at your phrase "in her culture" than your description of the child being beaten.

Good old Mumsnet.

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