AIBU to be narked off with people complaining I spoil dd ! Especially the below comment.

[Mummytosurvivor25]

People always want to comment on my DD's clothes and toys.
It's my daughters 1 st Xmas and first birthday coming up , something that we never thoug we would see.
So I have spoilt her rotten for it, " my friend has issues with this " as she can't afford apparently to lay more than 50 pound for her sons birthday although she works ( her first actual job may I add ) but this is the laugh she is buying her boyfriend a ps4 for Xmas and his buying her a iPhone 6 ?

AIBU to think we just have diff ideals on who and how to spend are money on ? And it isn't her place to comment on what is acceptable amount of stuff for my child. Also that she can afford to spend more than 50 although she is claiming she can't.

She shouldn't be judging you. You shouldn't be judging her.

People always have opinions.

It doesn't mean that you have to give a shit.

Unless you are asking her to pay for your daughter's clothes and toys then she needs to keep her beak out She has 'issues with this'. Bugger her issues. She gets no say in what you choose to buy for your child. Who does she think she is?

You really need to practice some sentences such as "I am happy with my choices" and "I don't feel that I have to justify myself to you" or "I don't want to discuss this with you" or "We all have the right to make our own decisions. I am not trying to tell you what to do and I don't appreciate you trying to tell me" or "I am not willing to discuss this with you, please do not raise it with me again"

Ditto to 1step.
It doesn't really sound like you are 'friends' to me.

If the children are 1, spend money on them, don't spend money on them, they will be none the wiser. It doesn't make a blind bit of difference at that age.

What is wrong with spending £50 on her DC's birthday?

You said 'although she works'. Do you have a job?

That's the thing I don't judge her, she can so end what she wants on her child but shouldn't make me feel bad that I can buy dd more when she clearly chooses not to rather than her excuse of unable to do it.

Until I had daughter I never realised how everyone will have a opinion on everything you do !

Do people really behave this way, that's to both of you. I can't imagine any of my friends being so concerned about what I spend or not.

One year olds don't need to be "spoilt rotten". They want to scrunch wrapping paper and laugh at you putting boxes on your head, they don't give a shit about the contents. So YABU. But your friend should have kept quiet, so SWBU too.

Lorn I do t have an issue with the amount she spends it's the sentences she uses , can only afford 50 pound to spend even though I work.
When she clearly can afford more so why make me feel bad that I can spend more if that makes sense , otherwise your right I have no issue with spending a fiver or five hundred on her son , never even crossed my mind until this conversation with her.

Lady I really don't care what she spends and have never questioned it.

They have opinions if you brag. How does she know what you're buying your daughter?

I got my DD a balloon for her first birthday. She loved it. I feel spending money on babies is pointless, but its your prerogative. I wouldn't judge you for it.

Maybe get some new, less judgemental friends?

She was up my house with sister her stuff is in my living room and she she's daughter room etc she does t actually know the amount I have spent she is just assuming it's a lot.

Like Seriously - how would they know what you are spending on her ?

Unless of course you were bragging - in which case, then yes, you are inviting opinions.

Can't you see though that you also have an opinion on what she is doing?

You're as bad as each other, what's it to you how much she spends on her child?

Nope she know nothing about what things come too , she has seen her stuff , and has been shopping with me when I have bought things but other than that nope.

To say "it won't make a difference" is just nonsense IMHO. If the OP is spending money on toys which will help her dc learn, then of course it'll make a difference! And anyway, regardless of what the DC thinks, it sounds like it'll make a difference to the OP, which is just as important.

That aside, of course YANBU Mummy. You clearly have different priorities to your friend. It happens.

My best friend doesn't buy her children as many presents for bdays and toys as I do mine. But her kids are no worse off than mine, and mine are no better off than hers. Both sets of parents are just doing what is most comfortable to them. We don't discuss our reasoning with each other, or question the other. It just is what it is.

I'd say if this 'friend' is offering this kind of opinion uninvited then she's best put firmly back in her box and knocked off the xmas card list!!

No I don't have an opinion and would never have thought about it if she didn't mention it what I have an opinion about is how rude she was when she knows nothing, and how she tries to justify it when which what she said wasn't true.

As I said I could care what she spent on her son , his fed etc so I would never have said to her
" your spending to little "

It's only first birthday, what r u buying her that you get called spoilt?

Cookie you got it one , that is what annoys me . I have never once questioned her parenting ! They kids were born quite close together but we have had very different starts to parent hood.

She has been able to move on from all of that and enjoy her son , me not so much.

I think she struggles to see things from my point of view.
Why I won't go Thorpe park with her because it's too much money but I spend this on daughter , she feels is unreasonable.
Why I won't go to her birthday party because my time is with my daughter.

I think overall it's more about how are friendship has faded since having the children and how we both want different things now.

Purple just stuff. Normal stuff you buy a 1 yr old , and a cake etc
( yes there is a lot of stuff ) but nothing like others don't do.

I have to say it's sounds like you are massaging your own pride and nothing to do with your feelings for DC. Why would your friend say that unless you were bragging? Your post seems to run her down quite a bit. Perhaps she's sick of it and is trying to tell you so. Can't bear adults who think spoiling children with goods is ok tbh. YABU

People react to parenthood differently. I have a friend without DC who completely doesn't understand where I am coming from sometimes. And will often insinuate at an opinion, if not outright force her opinion on me. It gets annoying.

It sounds like this friendship has kind of run it's course. If it's worth saving, then try and tell her how you feel. Ask her if she can accept your different approaches and you both agree not to question each other. Or just stop answering her calls/txts/emails.

A FWIW, I would buy my 1yo toys and books before I spent money on Thorpe Park! And I don't need "me time" away from my children as as occasionally been suggested to me!!

You don't sound as though you really want this friendship anymore, maybe it's time to just let this particular friendship run its natural course?

The only reason she knows about the stuff is she has either been shopping with me or been at my house I have never spoke about it to her. Apart from inviting her son to the get together.

I actually think she is a brilliant mum, and have never once commented on any of her parenting because I don't feel the need to which is what I want from her. Is to understand that although we do things differently doesn't make either of us wrong.
I don't care she spends 50 quid and of anything she is normally bragging about new clothes etc.

I don't care if she goes out everyone is entitled to a break.