because Emil thinks I am

[Letthemtalk]

DP and I aren't married. I'm miss letthemtalk, he's Bob Other name. I sometimes get cold calls asking for Bob Letthemtalk, I just say sorry there is no Bob Letthemtalk, and they generally apologise for the wrong number. Dmil says I should explain that Bob is Bob Other name and take message/pass phone over etc. My view is that if they don't even know his name it can't be that important. No idea where or when Bob's name got caught up with mine.

So aibu??

Who's Emil??? Dmil!!

no, you have a good point. there is no such perosn as BobLetthemtalk. they are obviously just sales people, or something. dont they at least ask for you if he isnt there?

No, never ask for me, just apologise for having a wrong number.

I agree with you. If it was someone who knew him (and he would want to speak to) or he had business dealings with, then they would know his name. They are cold callers.

That's one of the benefits of not changing your name on marriage - I can tell when someone is a cold caller because they say 'is that Mrs Dhname?'.

Happens occasionally with me where DH is referred to by my surname. After nearly 30 years of marriage, I don't get wound up about it, and we usually just laugh. If someone's calling him, and they know his names Bob, I would assume it was a personal connection tbh.

If you're so bothered about him not being called by your name why do you refer to your partner's dm add your mil? All seems very petty... yabu imo.

You have the wrong end of the stick Wonderous. OP is not bothered her DP hasnt got her name at all. She is saying that for example her name is Jane Doe and her DP is called John Smith, if somebody rings up asking for John Doe she says nobody is there of that name. Her mil is saying that she should say tell the caller that his name is actually John Smith and take a message for him. OP is saying that if they cant get his name right then it must a marketing call and not something important.

I do the same thing for cold callers too

However if it's not cold callers, then if anyone who refers to me as Mrs DPsname or him as Mr Thurlow we do respond. Happens occasionally because we have DC. It's not worth getting wound up about, imo - but is a great get out when you need it...

Wondrous, like vodka says above, I'm not bothered about what dp's surname is. DP and I have been together for over 20 years and I refer to his mum as my mother in law for ease. If you would prefer me to call her dp'sdm then that's fine.

Oh and I often get called Mrs Othername, and it generally doesn't bother me.

I think yabu and unnecessarily petty - although I do agree that it is annoying.

Before I changed my name to DH's, I was Miss Jones and he was Mr Smith (for instance)

I would sometimes get a call for 'Mrs Smith' and I would say 'Well there is no Mrs Smith, but I am Miss Jones, Mr X's partner'.

Most of the time it was unimportant, but once it was the hospital calling about a referral for ds2. DH had made the original appointment with ds2 at the Doctors so his name had gone on the referral form as '[Initial] Smith'. No title for some reason.

The receptionist made the huge assumption that this person was not only female as it 'must' have been ds2's mum, but that also this person would be a 'Mrs' . So she called and asked for 'Mrs Smith'.

That assumption in itself is a debate - but the fact is, if i'd gotten a cob on and said 'Oh no, there is NO Mrs Smith here' we would probably have missed a referral for ds2 that we had been waiting for for 6 months as I've learned that the buggers will never make an effort to chase you up

It's not worth risking missing important calls over IMO, in an attempt to prove a point.

And actually, by them thinking they have a wrong number you're not even making a point! Just potentially cutting your nose off.

YANBU if this is to do with cold callers. YABU if there's a 'proper' message to pass on!

I get a bit itchy when people call me by DP's surname...

Good point about potentially important calls re the kids, but they share dp's surname so wouldn't be an issue. If a caller asks for Mrs other name I'll ask what they want.

I often have a bit of a giggle with this. I never took my husband's surname as it's practically unpronounceable and very African. I have quite a posh old lady's voice a bit like the Queen's and if I get a cold call I say "GOOD ahfternooooon!" There's a slight pause and the chap asks hesitantly, "Er... is that Mrs Obogbonogboga?" I always sound extremely frosty and reply, "Does it sound likely, my man?" They often apologise and hang up, tee hee!

It's always a sales call - we get calls for Mr mysurname and Mrs hissurname so know not to accept it or even bother to try and explain.

I'm actually quite disappointed there is no Emil. I was very curious about who is was.

• now we have kids it's slightly different as kids have his surname but anything important like Dr / dentists etc will always call my mobile anyway.

Could have been evil mil I suppose, but dp'sdm is lovely

I thought it was Emil and the Detectives.

I got a call for Mr MyMaidenName earlier today. Told them it was a wrong number.

If they don't know his actual name it can't be that vital a call can it?

I screen out cold callers this way. "Sorry, there is no Mrs DPName"/"No, that's not my name".

In the past I did try to wearily explain to them a few times that a woman answering the phone is not necessarily the wife of the person in the phone book, and even if she is, she hasn't necessarily taken their name, and to assume so is sexist, and I don't wish to deal with a company with sexist policies.

I could generally hear them going at the other end so stopped bothering. It is bizarre though - surely with the amount of unmarried couples there are, along with those who don't name-change, it would make sense not to make the assumption?

OTOH I often do things like booking hotels and sorting out house maintenance and do that in my own name, so DP gets called "Mr Myname" by those people. Also sexist but funnier somehow.

I thought 'electronic mother in law????'

If they think you doing that is bad, I wonder what they'd think to my ex who would hang up the phone if someone with the wrong accent called. (His family all shared an accent, his landline was only used by his family - anyone without that accent was a cold caller). Obviously that only works if you have a very limited set of people who call you!