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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to adopt a granny?

30 replies

Plateofcrumbs · 29/10/2014 13:23

Or more precisely to want a granny to 'adopt' my DS?

Have just had my PFB and we're the only ones in our NCT group without local family. I am supremely jealous that everyone else has had grandparents around to give them a bit of time off. I'm already wondering how the hell we'll cope with emergencies etc when I'm back at work. DS does have doting grandparents but they live nowhere near us.

When we were little we had no living grandparents and some child-adoring retired friends of my mum's 'adopted' us as their virtual grandchildren.

I am semi-seriously thinking that rather than hanging out at mum and baby groups I'd be better off loitering round older people in the neighbourhood in the hope someone will take DS under their wing?

OP posts:
scotchfreeescapegoat · 29/10/2014 13:29

i have thought this for a while. Our family are all in Oz. DH and i are here in the UK. My kids are desperate for the grandparent experience. They see their friends with their grannys and grandads and are jealous. I would love to find an older person to would be able to fit into their lives in that kind of role. I am not looking for baby sitting, just someone who would like to be a part of my kids lives in a kind of grandparent-y way.

Original poster
Plateofcrumbs · 29/10/2014 14:03

Selfishly I'm quite interested in the babysitting bit Wink

OP posts:
DidoTheDodo · 29/10/2014 14:05

I am a granny who lives a long way from my DGDs (200 miles one way, 300 the other) and I think there should be some sort of granny swap system, so you can find a local granny.

I am not grey haired and can't knit or cook so you may not get an stereotypical granny!

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 29/10/2014 14:25

My kids DC GPs both live within 2 miles of us. Can't remember the last time any of them babysat (it's got to be nearly a year though and yes all of them have time and are fit and able). They've never had a sleepover - my eldest is 6 years old. Both set of GPs see their other DGC more and help DSis/DSIL with childcare. My MIL doesn't offer to babysit etc because and I quote: 'mothers only help their daughters' Hmm

It wouldn't be so bad if they didn't tell all and sundry how great GPs they are!

PixieofCatan · 29/10/2014 14:28

I really want to adopt a granny, for me and my future kids! I have a Nan but she's 120 miles away so I don't get to see her often, I'd love to have somebody local to spend time with.

DidoTheDodo · 29/10/2014 14:32

I had my DGD for a sleepover recently and it was lovely but terribly knackering. And then I had to go to work the next day :(

Carrierpenguin · 29/10/2014 15:01

Yanbu, great idea!

meltedmonterayjack · 29/10/2014 15:13

Sounds like you want a babysitter and an emergency back-up contact. What would the 'granny' get out of the arrangement?

CMOTDibbler · 29/10/2014 15:28

Basically, you want a babysitter, then advertise for one, and choose someone you want to use regularly.

I'd like a grandparent for my ds who would phone and talk to him about what he's done, celebrate his small acheivements, go to see him in school plays, attend sports day etc. But no ones going to do that apart from a doting gp.

Original poster
Plateofcrumbs · 29/10/2014 15:43

CMOT that's the kind of relationship we had with our 'adopted' GPs when we were younger.

I can't say that DS will miss out on that as he has 5 loving GPs, but it would be great to know someone local.

meltedMJ well of course they'd get to spend time with the most adorable DS ever Wink. But more practically DH is fit and handy with a drill and I'm a good cook and gardener - am sure any prospective local GP could get their 'value' from us.

OP posts:
FamiliesShareGerms · 29/10/2014 15:51

I want Mary Berry to be a surrogate granny to my children...

meltedmonterayjack · 29/10/2014 15:59

It sounds as if your ds has loving grandparents. If they're not local is skype a possibility? That way they can 'feel' closer.

I'm not sure a 'granny' is ideal when it comes to regular/dependable babysitting or as an emergency contact go-to. Depending on their health/committments/willingness to babysit/be contactable in emergencies/whether they have their own car etc, it might not be viable.

trufflesnout · 29/10/2014 16:15

These sorts of things do exist but they're usually for the benefit of the granny involved, rather than for you. Usually it involves making time for someone who is lonely/ill/vulnerable but who is still able to live independently and would like company. I think what you're after is a babysitter.

Original poster
Plateofcrumbs · 29/10/2014 16:23

You're quite right meltedMJ it's not something I could see as a dependable solution to childcare woes.

I might seriously try to find some local ways of meeting a more diverse age group - I was thinking a walking group would be a good way to meet active local retirees, and we have a group that helps manage our local nature reserve that probably attracts an older crowd. Any other ideas?

OP posts:
longjane · 29/10/2014 16:45

I would put add on gum tree for mature baby sitter.

I answered a ad like that and " my baby" was 5 months old when I met him he is now at school.
I have more to to do with kids than their real grandparents .

They interviewed me saw my CRB ( now called something else) and we clicked . Very imported that you all like the babysitter .

waitingforthegroundtoopen · 29/10/2014 17:53

Despite having very loving local grandparents dd has adoppted lots of extras. She has 4 nannys and has decided that any lady over a certain age is called Nana. She adoppted one lady on our local bus who'd always offred me a hand when she was tiny in the pram by rushing up to her and giving her a big hug, they've been firm friends ever since and she pops in a couple of times a week for a cuppa.

Our local age concern runs a by invitation drop in for parents to chat with their users. I just had to pop in for a chat with one of the volenters who helps with the drop in and was told it's not a toddler group but for the benifit of their users, so basically you're responsable for your children and need to make sure they behave safely. We don't go anymore but meet a few of the ladies and gents we met there and help them to a couple of local church coffee mornings and back.

Knit and natter groups are aslo fantastic. There are three local to us and I've been with dd since she was a few weeks old. Some one was always willing to give her a cuddle as well help me with craft projects. She's two next week and I've still been able to take her when I want to and she's really well behaved most of the time. I think she's learnt how to behave around people with diffrent levels of mobility which is really useful, but I am prepared for that not to be the case.

Our church toddler group is also run by more mature people, lots of lovely grandparent types there. Some places also organise meetings for people with parenting experience.

I think it's a wondeful idea to expose children to a diverse range of people from an early age. My parents used to volenter at nursing homes and my grandma was a sheltered housing warden and I loved being alowed to go with them.

meltedmonterayjack · 29/10/2014 18:00

Have you investigated local WI groups? Some have a really good mix of ages. Well, ours does anyhow. Couple of women with little-ones right through to women in their 80's.

gentlehoney · 29/10/2014 18:00

I would think the best place to meet people of all ages who will help out in emergencies is the local church.

trinity0097 · 29/10/2014 18:46

You have space for a granny in your house?

www.granny-aupair.com/en

Original poster
Plateofcrumbs · 30/10/2014 04:44

waiting - that's really lovely, I hope I can find something similar.

I know I've been coming across like I just want a free babysitter but I guess my point is that we're often told how important it is to build a local support network when we have children and the whole 'it takes a village...' thing. And I think older people could be a very valuable part of that network rather than just other people in the same boat.

I had a look at WI - local meet-ups are weekday mornings which suggests an older crowd but I don't know how I could join in when I have DS with me. I might contact them and see if they would welcome a baby in their midst! I like a bit of craft and jam making though can't knit for toffee

Love the granny au-pair idea!

OP posts:
Original poster
Plateofcrumbs · 30/10/2014 04:47

Oh and gentlehoney - times like this I wish I had even the slightest religious inclination. Church would no doubt be a great way to meet people but I am atheist through-and-through. I do think the community element of the church/religion is a great thing though.

OP posts:
whattodonow1 · 30/10/2014 05:10

Having local grandparents not always all it's cracked up to be. When I had my pfb was about and just put me down about everything all the time. She unfortunately passed away at a young age by the time my 2nd child was born. I honestly found no support was better than bad support.

The kids other local grandparent never a bothers at all with them, no birthday cards, phone calls, nothing!.

unicycle · 30/10/2014 06:05

You just sound like a user and a pretty ruthless one at that. Build relationships with people you are interested in for themselves, not for what they can do for you and you will have your community right there. Stop trying to find vulnerable older people to take advantage of.

Givemecoffeeplease · 30/10/2014 06:13

I've met a v local mum and our babies are going to the same nursery. Hopefully we can swap pick ups etc. Can't hurt. I don't think you sound like a user - I'm in the exact same position. It's tough and it's hard not to be jealous when all the other new mums are having date night wih their OHs and getting some time out. However now my DS is 8 mo I'm delighted to say and know that (apart from amazing DH) I'm the only one who has ever fed him, clothed him, put him down etc. Exhausting, but he's gorgeous and a lot of that is down to our hard work. X

Roonerspism · 30/10/2014 06:26

You know - I think you have a good point! It's something I have thought about for years. (My own father lives nearby and isn't remotely interested in his GC. Fortunately my kids have my mum and in-laws).

I have long thought about setting up an adopt a granny scheme. I know of loads of spritely (mainly women) in their 60s who either don't have GC or they live far away. They would love regularly to see young kids. Loneliness in retired people is endemic.

And I know of loads of people in your position too. It's not just the babysitter aspect - there is also, to my mind, something uniquely precious about time spent with a generation up which benefits both.

Whenever I think of my "dream scheme" I realise it would involve all sorts of practicalities like child protection and things. And I guess years ago these things happened in communities much more easily and informally.

Maybe advertising locally for a more nature babysitter might work? On a newsagent window, rather than gumtree?

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