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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a tiny bit miffed about this?

29 replies

PingPongBat · 28/10/2014 20:36

DS (14) went go-karting with 2 friends (A & B) today. B's dad picked DS up this morning, I'd agreed with B's mum to pick DS up at the end. At least that's what I thought.

Various texts leading up to today, from B's mum, didn't make it clear that (a) B's dad would be dropping the boys off & then going to work, she was also at work, therefore leaving them unaccompanied by an adult from 9am - 3pm, & (b) I was going to be taking A, B & DS home Hmm.

I turned up this afternoon to find 3 boys apparently not sure about who was taking them home (or perhaps a bit embarrassed that I didn't know it was me, hard to tell).

To be clear - I have no problem with them being left by themselves - the place they went to seemed well organised, first aiders / marshalls aplenty, & they are responsible boys. But - I was a bit surprised that they were by themselves, and that I was taking them home!

Also, come to think of it, there was no safety information for parents that I was offered, in contrast to the paintballing he went on recently where there was lots of parent info and disclaimers to sign.

Anyway.... AIBU to expect B's parents to have been a bit clearer about the arrangements when he was invited? Or was I just being naive? Should I have asked more questions rather than assuming that someone would stay with them? I'm not up in arms about it, just a bit miffed.

OP posts:
LuckyLopez · 28/10/2014 20:38

I think you should have offered the lifts first tbh. If someone is taking my child I assume I'm returning the favour. I definitely wouldn't be miffed, just embarrassed that I'd forgot to offer. Yabu.

FrauHelga · 28/10/2014 20:39

They are 14. Clear information about who is picking who up and at what time and how and when they are getting home will not happen unless you as parents communicate directly.

Although at 14, I wouldn't have had a problem with them being on their own, as long as someone at the activity had a contact number for a parent if something went wrong.

LuckyLopez · 28/10/2014 20:39

Christ he's 14! Why would he be supervised?

Original poster
PingPongBat · 28/10/2014 20:44

I have no issues about whether he was supervised or not, it was just the communication that I was a bit miffed about.

Point absolutely taken about communication between adults - I guess I should have asked more questions. If I have any excuse it's that this is the first time he's been at an event where there were no 'related' adults there (at the paintballing there were a couple of sets of parents who stayed).

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 28/10/2014 20:45

14, you are lucky to even know where they are.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/10/2014 20:46

I think that the fact they were go-karting does put a bit of a different spin on it, LuckyLopez - it's a more hazardous activity than, say, them spending the day at home, playing playstation, and to be honest, I'd be quite surprised that the go karting place was happy to have three 14-year-olds with no adult supervision - if they knew. I suspect it could have implications for their insurance, if an unsupervised minor had an accident there.

Original poster
PingPongBat · 28/10/2014 20:47

MammaTJ - yes I know Smile

OP posts:
mommy2ash · 28/10/2014 20:48

surely if there was a problem with communication then you are just as much to blame. if something wasn't clear then you should have asked.

if you did ask and the answers you were given were incorrect then you would have a point.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 28/10/2014 20:48

Our karting places web site says apparent or guardians must sign an indemnity form.

(Their spelling Grin)

LaurieFairyCake · 28/10/2014 20:48

I wouldn't expect the adult to be with him at all.

And I would have expected to take at least my own DS and the other kids whose dad dropped them off

Original poster
PingPongBat · 28/10/2014 20:49

DS told me they were going up to 30mph!

OP posts:
ChillingGrinBloodLover · 28/10/2014 20:49

Right so, B's Dad picked your DS up, but you thought you were only picking your DS afterwards and not the other two boys, is that right?

If B's Dad was staying and taking B home, why wouldn't he drop DS back as well?

I am not sure who you are annoyed with here - B's parents? B? A&B?

What on earth did they do all day - you can't g0-kart for 6 hrs!

WeeClype · 28/10/2014 20:52

At 14 I would've took it that they'd be dropped at the door and left to get on with things.

DurhamDurham · 28/10/2014 20:54

I've got two girls and by the time they got to that age I let them sort out their own social life and just handed over the £ and did my fair share of drop offs / pick ups. It gets worse, the amount of last minute changes that go on used to drive me mad. So I just learnt to ignore it Grin

Original poster
PingPongBat · 28/10/2014 20:56

Oh dear, IABU Grin.

I was (unreasonably) miffed with B's mum who I was (not) communicating with before the event. Bad mother Blush. I didn't even know how many of them were going. I'm always very happy to share lifts etc, which I do on a regular basis for both DCs - I just failed to pick up on what was going on today.

Chillin I'm not quite sure - watched the other groups racing and had some lunch I think!

Durham I'm now adjusting my expectations too - DD has many sleepovers lined up and he's vague about details for all of them

OP posts:
ElephantsNeverForgive · 28/10/2014 20:58

As for contact between adults, DD2(13)'s group certainly seem to have out grown that.

I've dropped her off yesterday and collected her today from a sleep over at her friends without seeing a parent. I believe mum had gone out.

All I've been told is she went riding, but they didn't go far and she wore a body protector.

(I'm glad to hear this, DD2 only knows how to ride in the loosest holiday play scheme sense).

It is a bit unnerving, but it seems to be the way it is.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 28/10/2014 21:01

And I confess horses at a well set up stable complex, worry me far less than leaving DD in town with the parks reputation for booze and drugs.

Original poster
PingPongBat · 28/10/2014 21:03

Blimey Elephants - I don't think I would have been happy with that at all - tho' I assume that with a well set up stable complex she would have worn a riding hat? Did you know the friend and her parents anyway or was this a case of the complete unknown? I certainly wouldn't have left my DD behind without an adult in the house, or at least a guarantee that they would be back shortly, and a contact number for that adult.

OP posts:
SDTGisASpookyWoooolefGenius · 28/10/2014 21:25

For most activities, I wouldn't have had any trouble with any of my dses being dropped off and left unsupervised, when they were 14, as long as I had known in advance that that was the plan - but go-karting is a more hazardous activity, and I think 14 is too young to do an activity like that unsupervised.

As I said earlier - I'd be surprised if the go-karting place was happy for children to use their go-karts without an adult supervising them - unless they have some set-up where the supervising adult can sign them in, and the go-karting place will take responsibility for them.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 28/10/2014 22:28

I guess I'm pretty used to horses. Several of my school friends had ponies. Which they insisted I rode.

They were very rough and ready farm horses. Not very well trained, no body protectors, not even chinstraps on hats.

Non of us had ever had a riding lesson in our lives. Best friend was pretty good, but I was hopeless.

The horse DD was on and the DF accompanying her are certainly better trained than we were. DD2 is a fit strong gymnast who is a 1000x more coordinated than me. She was pretty competent on a horse on holiday, so I'm inclined to keep out of it.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 28/10/2014 22:35

I'm sure friends mum was about when they were riding and there were loads of cars and people about for the other horses.

DH might well have a landline number, we are trying to collect them.

Trouble is DD will insist on making friends with DCs who didn't go to her primary and I think a lot of their parents have known each other for years and it's all got a bit relaxed.

BlueGreenHazelGreen · 28/10/2014 22:40

I'll preface this by saying that my children are still at a primary school so maybe I'll have changed my mind in a few years but looking back to my own teenage years:

My parents would have expected me to tell them in advance who they were taking home. They would in no way considered this anything to do with the other parents.

We'd often go off into our nearest big city on the bus for the day in the hols, to go skating, bowling, laser quest, go karting etched. No parental supervision or organisation required (other than the aforementioned polite request for a lift home)

My parents were considered very strict but would never have expected that I needed 'supervision' of the kind you mean.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 28/10/2014 23:46

By 14 polite request for a lift off my DDad was for 1am at some distant village hall. (8-13 miles away being totally normal. With obligatory detours up interesting farm tracks)

The only rule (as my DDad doesn't drink) was no one wanting a lift was to be visibly drunk.

Our rural pubs and disco bars were not in the least concerned with licensing laws.

NeedABumChangeNotANameChange · 29/10/2014 00:35

Really odd you are still organising lifts through the other parents. At 14 they should be sorting this stuff out themselves. So ds should have said "mum do you mind picking three of us up" not Bs mum.

AlpacaMyBags · 29/10/2014 02:06

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.