To post my DS1s long awaited ADHD diagnosis on FB

[Minecraftnemesis]

(Have NCed as I might do this in RL)

Is this over sharing? I don't know. I'm fed up of feeling paranoid that everyone thinks I have a naughty and out of control child.

I'm fed up of being embarrassed at him being unable to control himself.

Fed up of having to pretend we are a normal family and our kids 'go to bed' at a reasonable time (and that I don't have to spend every evening taking him back to bed, listening to him jumping off his bed over and over, stopping mayhem upstairs, and being woken in the night by an upset child who doesn't like being the only one awake)

Im also fed up of saying I'm ok when I'm not at the playground. I have mum friends who have kids the same age and I've only recently really realised how different their lives are to mine. I can't really answer 'no not really' without starting down the whole road of how it really is - and there's not often time for this anyway.

I even find it difficult to talk about it when they are sympathetic because if they say their DC also finds it difficult to concentrate and so on I feel I'm trying to trump them by telling them what it's really like here.

I don't meet up with other mums for days out often because I'd be continually trying to control the DCs and embarrassed at how ineffectual it is. We don't have people round for dinner because DS1 would be jumping on the ceiling and up and down and we wouldn't relax. We don't go to other people's houses with the DCs either for this reason.

I feel like I've unconsciously limited the whole of our life with children for 8 years really. And blamed myself. And thought it was 'normal' for him to be like that. And thought I was making him behave like that. And thought that people think I'm an over protective mother because I have to hold DS1s (8) hand when we walk down the road so he doesn't run into it ( a real risk- he tried to pick up a conker from the road as we walked along yesterday and punched me when I held him back).

I feel that maybe if I put it on there it's then 'out there' and I don't have to be all coy about it. I really believe in honesty and being open about what you're going through in mental health as well as other healh issues. If he had a mobility issue or something more tangible I wouldn't think twice. What did you/would you do?

Slightly venting here as an alternative to doing it on FB really

*empathise

It is not that ADHD should be kept secret, it is just that telling people and explaining what that means, what that explains and how best to help seems to me to work more as a process that an announcement.

Hence telling people individually, leading to a more detailed disucssion, would seem to me to lead to a better result than a simple announcement.

I think it's really useful to know, especially if the family aren't close friends. I have taught children with ADHD and have close friends (and family) with children with ADHD. Some very severe. The diagnosis helps you see past the behaviour. It isn't their fault that they're driven to move to normalize their brain chemistry (or that there's a degree of impulsiveness etc due to the difficulty in thinking straight), and it's not fair to expect them to deny that desperate need (by asking them to sit still for ages for example).

I have seen medication completely change children's lives in some cases (not usually the first one tried though) and the sweet, gentle personality beneath emerge. I know some really lovely, kind and generous children with ADHD who are a delight to be around and are growing up into fantastic adults. Their lives would have been so, so different without a diagnosis and the help that followed.

I have two dc with adhd diagnosis. It's not easy.
I have found telling people as and when I feel they need to know has worked for us. Do be prepared for people judging and not believing that it is a real condition and just down to the parents not being strict enough.

I've also had the gossip in the school playground to deal with. The school have been fab though and told me to direct any parents who moan (shout) at me to the head.

Thanks bronya and others great points

DS is asd, I do like and share autism related things but never actually put DS Dx on Facebook.

I want him to be able to keep it as private as he wants to. Close friends and family knows.

One thing you could do instead of posting your DS's diagnosis is posting links or statements about ASD to increase awareness. My friend does this and I always like every post.

I hope the diagnosis brings you the help and support you need. It can open a lot of doors.

People who have mentions disabilities boards are right, they can be a wonderful source of support. People you can vent to, who really understand what it is like for you.

I put my son's autism diagnosis on Facebook. This is mainly because I don't want people to tiptoe around it and speculate on 'what's wrong with him'. He clearly has additional needs, he went to a special nursery and now goes to a special school. There isn't the option for it to be a secret or for him to tell people when he wants to.

I would prefer to be open about it, to show him and the whole world we are proud of him for who he is. It also means my statuses make sense when I put he cuddled me for the first time (age three), was allowed to walk to the shops not on reins for the first time (age four) or answered a direct question for the first time (age four).

I do like to show off his achievements, people knowing his is autistic puts those achievements in context.

I am lucky, I have received lots of support and positivity. I do avoid putting statuses about the harder side of parenting a disabled child, he has spent the last two days screaming at me and hitting me but my current status is about how proud I am of him for being kind and patient with his little brother this afternoon.

I try to keeps things light and positive on the general areas of Facebook although I speak in private to other parents of disabled children.

I am about to go down the same route with my youngest, he is waiting for a paediatrician's appointment and will likely end up with a diagnosis of autism. I will also put that on Facebook.

Thanks lilicat

My DD has ADHD .I wouldn't advise posting it as she has become a teen she does not want people to know.I have explained its nothing to be ashamed of but its something she wants to keep to herself .Teens can be cruel so my family know and her teachers if she wants to tell her friends it up to her but she would be livid if i posted about it on FB .

I would only tell good friends at first. If you like & share a few ASD
Pages people will get the message.

I think it is different for teenagers and they should have and their opinion should be taken into account re: disclosure.

However I and don't think situations like this are just a personal matter for the person with a diagnosis. As the OP says, things like ADHD and ASD affect the whole family - career choices made, the social lives and activities of other children, all the little things that you have to micromanage or avoid on a day to day basis. That is life and as it should be. Part of being a family is going through the ups and downs together.

However, to skirt around the issue - in a way that you wouldn't if you had a child who had a nut allergy or asthma or used a wheel chair or glasses - just seems silly.

Many people won't understand the problem and will have prejudices. But people have prejudices about but allergies and wheelchairs too.

Oops - some wild 'ands' got loose in that last post

'nut' allergies

DD was diagnosed quite late she does tell a select few but in the past people have been quite cruel over it. Whether your child has ADHD or not sadly some parents are just very judgemental . Some people that do know do the whole "no such thing as ADHD just naughty kids" It is frustrating .
It is up to DD who she shares with.

And I am not saying that anybody on this thread is silly. It's just that I don't think you can avoid prejudice by not giving something a name.

So many intelligent, compassionate, funny women with ASD are on mumsnet (don't see many people talking about ADHD although I maybe I am on wrong threads) that frankly sod anybody who has prejudices.

Its a fascinating discussion. Lots to think about, and thank you all for your nuanced and thoughtful responses.

I have posted to a select group on FB now; as mentioned above its something affecting all the family, me, DP, and DS's too.

Someone has already disclosed their own DC issue which I didn't know about, and which makes sense now...

wink at me on FB if you see the post BTW

To be fair, if one of my "friends" on FB has the opinion that ADHD (and similar) don't exist that it's just "naughty children/poor parenting" (and is rude enough to voice it after I've stated my child has SNs), then I'd like to know now so I can defriend them. I don't need those types of friends.

Back to the fact that having a child with additional needs, especially if it's an invisible disability, is an excellent filter that sorts out the relationships worth keeping and those that are fairweather.
Many shallow friendships left in our wake, many new good ones made.

Oh these aren't "friends" I said parents from the nosey mums crew.Who think they are child experts .