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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think you should reply to a text within an hour or 24hrs absolute max?!

92 replies

kirsten123 · 27/10/2014 12:14

It takes seconds, seriously! And it's easier just to reply straightaway than to have to remember to do it later.

I texted a friend of mine re meeting up in a few weeks. 48hrs later - no response. Now, meantime, I'm having to keep that day free for her!! Now I understand she might be checking her diary or whatever but cldnt she text "checking diary will get back to you". Instead of me having to wonder "should I check to see she got the text or is that going to annoy her?"

FWIW she has no DCs.

OP posts:
Mintyy · 27/10/2014 14:38

I reply to non urgent texts on Wednesdays (when I regularly do a long bus journey).

Waltermittythesequel · 27/10/2014 14:43

I believe the world is made up of two types of people: texters and talkers.

I hate talking on my phone unless it's a select few. I hate it. And I extra hate it when I text and someone rings back instead of texting back.

I don't have time to have twenty minute chats about something that could be sorted with one sentence.

But, others feel the total opposite so you just have to get on with it,don't you?

LurkingHusband · 27/10/2014 15:19

Waltermittythesequel

I believe the world is made up of two types of people: texters and talkers.

The thing is they aren't equivalent. If you phone someone, you are interrupting them. They need to be free at the exact second you call. Whereas with a text (or email) they can deal with it when they have the time. And each has it's place. Before texting (showing my age now) we had "letters" (anyone under 30 might see them in a museum somewhere) which were the same as texts. Less instant, but could be dealt with at the convenience of the recipient, not the sender.

Personally, I detest organisations which are slack with emails, and rely on phone calls. Because it means I am effectively ransom to their schedules. I'd much rather spend 5 minutes on an email I can send when I want, than 30 minutes plus on a phone between 9 and 5 to suit them.

WorraLiberty · 27/10/2014 15:35

If you phone someone, you are interrupting them. They need to be free at the exact second you call

I just ask people to ring back later if I'm busy.

minipie · 27/10/2014 15:37

YABU.

But, you don't need to keep the date free for her. Make alternative plans if you want to. If she replies Yes then you can tell her sorry you made other plans. Her fault for not replying sooner.

If you want an instant reply from her you should have called...

FWIW I prefer texts to phone calls, but I accept that means sometimes I might miss out because I didn't reply fast enough.

TeaForTara · 27/10/2014 15:41

YABU.

VivaLeBeaver · 27/10/2014 15:44

I can easily go a few days without checking my phone. Currently mine is charging, it ran out of battery on Friday and I keep forgetting to charge it. I hardly ever have it with me and when I do its on silent most of the time.

serennu · 27/10/2014 17:46

I always take ages to reply. mainly because I forget partly because I can't be bothered to sit texting. if its something like arranging a time to meet etc I'll reply soon-ish but hate text conversations, prefer a phone call. I've got a friend that hurries me along with a ? or ??? I haaaaate that Angry

listsandbudgets · 27/10/2014 17:49

Thanks OP you've just reminded me I need to reply to a text baby sitter sent me last night

floraldora · 27/10/2014 18:16

Someone I know takes ages to reply to texts and even then it'll be a "Sorry, too busy to reply properly at the moment, will reply when I have time".

I don't bother contacting her these days ...

Jojoanna · 27/10/2014 18:30

Yanbu I find it annoying when people don't reply to a text

Ketchuphidestheburntbits · 27/10/2014 18:48

YANBU, although I would say 2 or 3 days rather than 24 hours is reasonable to expect a reply.

The problem with phoning people instead is that they can then ignore your voicemails as well as texts. If they don't check their phone they won't answer your calls if texts go unanswered.

wantstolickwilliamgraham · 27/10/2014 18:49

YABU on your timelines. However some people do just love being chased and see themselves as integral (especially in friendship groups), I know someone who purposefully waits at least a day just to let people know she's busy-whether busy or not. She likes to think she's important. It has backfired on her recently because other people are busy and sometimes if it's regarding doing something the next day and she waits until just before...you snooze you lose. She won't respond to calls either just because she likes the importance. Her average is three days but she's gone a week too, just to test people.

Weirdly when I mentioned this on my friend's (other one) blog, I was surprised just how many people came out and admitted they do the same so I feel sympathy and understand why some people get so frustrated when others play games like this. While some are busy there are some who like to be chased and it can be frustrating when it's all the time, especially followed by constant excuses 'you know how crap I am' or 'i can't believe you arranged to go out without me I can't make those times'- err hat do you expect?

wantstolickwilliamgraham · 27/10/2014 18:50

And don't keep the day free. If your friend is playing games then it may make her think if she loses out and if she's genuinely busy then she probably doesn't have time to meet anyway.

namechangedtofindBert · 27/10/2014 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hoobypickypicky · 27/10/2014 19:02

No, no, no. You've got it all wrong. Phones are there for the convenience of the bill-payer, not so that all and sundry can demand immediate responses.

I hate the intrusion. I answer the phone/reply to texts when and if I want to.

And don't get me started on the people who'll text, then text again when they haven't got a reply within 10 minutes and then start ringing repeatedly five minutes after that!

MiddletonPink · 27/10/2014 19:02

I think it's pretty rude not to reply before you get in bed. Yes you can't always do it right away because of work, you're driving, feeding small children, entertaining inlaws etc but a quick " got your text will reply properly soon " will not kill you.

And all those saying just ring, who is to say said person would answer.

Some people are just a bit rude let's face it.

Doobigetta · 27/10/2014 20:20

YANBU. I'm a texter, not a talker. I can easily spend three hours a day at work talking on the phone, so it's the last thing I want to do in my own time. Texting imo is less demanding, it acknowledges that people might be too busy or tired to talk, and gives them time to reply. In return for that consideration, I think it's polite to reply within a few hours at least.

SaucyMare · 27/10/2014 20:25

in my book texts are a one way, when you get round to it message, so read this and act when you get round to it. if it was important they would phone me.

MiddletonPink · 27/10/2014 20:31

I had a text from a mum from school asking whether ds was going to her ds's birthday party because she needed to know the numbers ASAP. The invitation was apparently still at school.

Would it have been reasonable of me to ignore that text just because I couldn't be arsed?

Of course not. Some weird reasoning and justifications not to text back on here.

SaucyMare · 27/10/2014 20:32

I don't have time to have twenty minute chats about something that could be sorted with one sentence.

a phone call to organise a date can last 30 seconds if one sentance would have done it.
"are you free friday to go and see x?"
"sure, meet you there or your house?"
"there i am coming straight from work, see you then"
end of call

wantstolickwilliamgraham · 27/10/2014 20:40

SaucyMare, depends on who you are talking to. My friend's sister is a fucking nightmare on the phone. I love her to bits but she's very self absorbed at times, a 5 minutes phone call can end up being an hour because she won't answer the question but keep on chatting about herself. I've seen my friend take 20 minutes just getting a 'yes I'm up for dinner tomorrow' out of her.

SaucyMare · 27/10/2014 20:43

i wouldn't put up with it, i end treat people like that like politicians
"you haven't answered 3 times i take that as a no" byeeee, end of conversation.

i do it to my mother in law she phones up, i amswer the phone "we are very busy right now what did you phone up for?" (if we are actually busy and don't honestly have time for a chat) and cut her off after 15 mins, or you will be there all night, she doesn't care if you are busy or not.

SaucyMare · 27/10/2014 20:44

sorry wish you could edit, you wouldn't take it from a child, why should you take it from an adult.

wantstolickwilliamgraham · 27/10/2014 20:46

It's hard to do that in certain relationships though, for my friend her family is very volatile- doing that would cause shit that would come back on her. Some peoples friendships and families are like that, they literally can't shut them down.