Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really upset that not a single member of my family cares about my son?

63 replies

sanityisamyth · 27/10/2014 07:03

I have a 10 month old son. There's issues with my family (and my "D"H - ultra long thread on here) but I have tried to make amends and get in contact.

A lot of my family, including my mother and sister, one of my aunts and all 7 of my cousins are on FB.

Not a single person in my family EVER asks me how my son is, apart from my dad and my step mum, who e-mail me frequently. They can never travel to see him as my step mum is ill but we travel to see them (300 miles) every couple of months.

Last night I put a video on FB of my son giggling his head off about something, and a picture of him swimming, and standing up unsupported. A lot of my family were on FB last night and this morning. My aunt has liked some video of a cart horse this morning but only 1 of my cousins has "liked" one of the photos. No comment or anything.

It's not just these, it's all the time. Whenever I post anything of him, whether it's a status or a video there's very little acknowledgement from any of the family.

I was going to organise his 1st birthday party but I really don't think anyone will come to it? AIBU to feel really hurt?

OP posts:
DoughnutSelfie · 27/10/2014 08:18

Viz your most recent post - Some folk are rude and self absorbed.

Agree, dial down contact as much as you can and no need to compliment everybody all the time, btw

Stop with the sad faces and create your own network of non-family support, mentally say "fuck 'em" and two fingers up.

WhereTheWildlingsAre · 27/10/2014 08:18

Not obvious at all, op!!

But their behaviour is damaging your self esteem if you believe that. You cannot control their behaviour but you can control how much time and energy you put in worrying about it. Focus on you and your son and those friend and family who make a positive impact in your life.

Original poster
sanityisamyth · 27/10/2014 08:22

Thanks doughnut. I've honestly had enough of about everything and I think total ignorance by my family was pretty much the last straw. I've been through so much shit and abuse and not a single member of my family has supported me through any of it. I shouldn't have expected better from them really. When I told my mother I'd been raped she said "oh well, at least he didn't strangle you". Then hung up on me.

Was supposed to be meeting up with friends this morning and really not feeling up to it!

OP posts:
WhereTheWildlingsAre · 27/10/2014 08:24

Are they friends you can open up to? Because it sounds like coffee and sympathy is what you could really do with now.

Pancakeflipper · 27/10/2014 08:32

There's a lot going on here. I think you should see your Dr and hopefully they can arrange some therapy for you to start unravelling this.

Krakken · 27/10/2014 08:32

It is hurtful when family aren't interested in you.
I think you should put them in a restricted profile so they don't see any of your clips and pics and so you're never expecting a response.

You need to step away from them. It does sound like they're not interested unfortunately.
Don't even bother to invite them to your ds birthday. You'll only feel hurt when they don't respond and don't attend.

Work on friendships. Get out every day. Join groups. Look on mumsnet local and netmums meet a mum in your area and start moving on.

Krakken · 27/10/2014 08:34

I was also going to add - have you had counselling for the abuse and rape? You need to see your gp if you need to work through this.

OlderMummy1 · 27/10/2014 08:35

Whereabouts are you OP? We have had some lonely mums who have posted on here join our little group as they lived nearby and now we all support each other x

Pistone · 27/10/2014 08:35

I'm so glad facebook wasn't around when my dc were little. It would have been the perfect place for my spiteful MIL to cause as much hurt as she possibly could. We all know that FB isn't the be all and end all of our lives but it can cause hurt.Just as years ago we wouldn't have defined our lives by our children getting ignored or unacknowledged by certain family members, getting no "likes" on FB is rather like the modern equilivent. It doesn't matter what form it comes in.....your children getting snubbed by family is hurtful. Facebook is the perfect tool for bullies and ignorant and nasty people...

bigbluestars · 27/10/2014 08:35

"It is hurtful when family aren't interested in you. "

If you choose to feel hurt. I don't. I don't get a birthday card from my sister, neither does she send cards to my children. My MIL doesn't send me a birthday card either. I just let it wash over me.

DaisyFlowerChain · 27/10/2014 08:36

Could they have blocked you from their newsfeed? I have a couple of friends I do this with as everyday it's either a new photo or declarations of love for their children or partner. It's annoying.

Spadequeen · 27/10/2014 08:42

I'd go non contact with the whole damn lot of em, nasty bunch of people. You and your son don't need them in your life, you will make new friends and they will be your support network.

Original poster
sanityisamyth · 27/10/2014 08:42

Possibly DFC. A lot of my cousins are a similar age to me and put pictures of their DC on FB so I'd be surprised if they resent me putting pictures on there too of my son. Their children are all slightly older though (4 years plus).

OP posts:
OTheHugeManatee · 27/10/2014 09:28

Your family may well be unpleasant people, but FWIW endless photos of people's children on FB are a bit annoying. I will almost always Like pictures of people's cats but babies? Meh Hmm

ScreamerMaanAndGoryOn · 27/10/2014 09:32

Bloody Facebook!

I don't check on likes from certain groups. If you saw them in person and they blanked you then that would be shitty, but not actively clicking "like" on a video clip doesn't make them the selfish spawns of satan.

I CBA with other folks kids. Who cares if they ate their dinner or laughed at a penguin or farted Gpd Save The Queen. Be happy that you have family that does take an interest and stop counting meaningless "likes" on FB.

Original poster
sanityisamyth · 27/10/2014 12:13

Interesting the people that say that my family have blocked me as they're end up of being bombarded with constant images/statuses etc. I'm really conscious of not doing that as I know friends of mine aren't that interested. I have put 3 things about my son this month. I wouldn't say that 3 or 4 posts a month is too many? Clearly it is and I deserve to be totally ignored.

Really really struggling here. Stuck in a shit marriage with no family who are not in the slightest bit interested. Brilliant.

OP posts:
DaisyFlowerChain · 27/10/2014 12:33

I don't "like" every picture posted on FB as don't go on daily. It would have thought be a first like first steps, first word etc. The rest are only meaningful to the child's parents.

Why are you stuck in a bad marriage! You have a baby under one so surely it can't be that bad or you would not have planned a child with him?

ElliotLovesGrub · 27/10/2014 12:35

Facebook changed the settings a while back so that only the people whose pages you'd interacted with lots recently showed on your timeline. Don't be so fast to think they've actively hidden you. My brother got hidden when those settings changed. Luckily he doesn't place much importance on facebook or he could have made up a whole scenario where I was angry or ignoring him when really his posts didn't show up and I didn't browse his profile because I assumed he hadn't been on.

brokenhearted55a · 27/10/2014 12:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrettyLittleMitty · 27/10/2014 12:41

It sounds to me like thks is about more than wahts going on with fb. You have mentioned abuse and an unhappy marriage, are you/have you recieved any help for any of this? It sounds like you need someone to talk to, maybe your gp would refer you for some counselling?

mommy2ash · 27/10/2014 12:47

to start with why have an expectation of people when you know it won't be fulfilled. these aren't people who are in your lives as a positive influence so any Facebook likes wouldn't mean anything anyway. hide the lot of them from your feed if you don't want to delete them and concentrate on the people who are in your life

Original poster
sanityisamyth · 27/10/2014 13:00

My marriage is shit as my husband betrayed me and destroyed any self confidence I had built up. I don't know why I'm still with him. I don't have the energy or confidence to do anything on my own. I now clearly also have a totally unsupportive family.

Life is just me and my boy, as well as working full time in a seriously stressful career.

OP posts:
Nibledbyducks · 27/10/2014 13:29

It's quite possible that they don't see your posts, tag them and see what response you get then. If nothing then frankly I'd call them on it! ring them and ask about it, tell them how you feel.

VitoCorleone · 27/10/2014 13:48

Ok, delete the fuckers from your Facebook, you don't need them, you're torturing yourself for no reason.

Get counselling and learn to build up your confidence. Make plans to leave your husband. Stop being so down on yourself, only you can turn it all around.

Hissy · 27/10/2014 14:21

My marriage is shit as my husband betrayed me and destroyed any self confidence I had built up. I don't know why I'm still with him. I don't have the energy or confidence to do anything on my own. I now clearly also have a totally unsupportive family

The REASON you are in a shitty marriage is precisely because you have a family that is so shitty they have taught you that you don't matter enough to deserve basic respect.

Get out of this marriage and forget your family and I promise you that life will improve.

you can do this. you really can.

get some legal advice on your position financially, look up at entitledto.co.uk (I think) and see what beenfits you are entitled to if you leave. tax credits for one...

Swipe left for the next trending thread