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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To reject the idea that men marry their mothers?

68 replies

FoxgloveFairy · 26/10/2014 22:25

Otherwise, I'd be a four foot eleven incredibly annoying Glasweigan woman with a cast iron hairdo. I'll put my hand up to annoying, but no other part of that is me. God, I hope not. Do you have to start getting a weekly shampoo and set at a certain age?

OP posts:

HattieFranks · 27/10/2014 06:59

OMG rinkydink I think I might be your MIL (or certainly potential to be when older) Oh shite!

Doesn't everyone judge other people's parenting though - even if they keep quiet about it?! Most of my friends are excellent parents, the only ones I have issues with are the ones who are too soft and then everyone else's dcs bear the brunt of their dc's shitty behaviour. I do try and keep my mouth shut and mostly succeed.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 27/10/2014 07:00

DH's mum is lovely but nothing like me at all. We have completely different personality types. Our only similarity is that we drink lots of wine

Sallystyle · 27/10/2014 07:09

I am way too common to be anything like my mil.

My husband is nothing like my sociopathic father.

However, he is just like my mum who I adore! I married my mother!

OhFrabjousDay · 27/10/2014 07:26

I'm nothing like my lovely MIL. I'm similar to FIL in many ways though. So DH married his father?

DH has the same colouring as my DF but is very different in every other way. (He's very different to my mother too, which is a very good thing)

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 27/10/2014 08:02

My MIL is Hyacinth Bucket! I lack the organisational to be like her...

HicDraconis · 27/10/2014 08:19

I am nothing like my MiL. Which is a good thing as DH doesn't get on with her too well! I am very like my own mother though - I think he married me looking for the mother he wanted rather than the one he had.

DH is very different to my father but they get on well - as a pp said, good guys know good guys :)

brokenhearted55a · 27/10/2014 08:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsMarigold · 27/10/2014 08:36

I am just like my mother in law (but I don't have her amazing figure - size 8 with double D boobs and a great waist and she is in her 70s).

My DH is just like my Dad.

Charitybelle · 27/10/2014 08:41

Nothing like my MIL, either in looks, personality or outlook. She's a lovely woman, and we get on well, but nothing in common!
Likewise DH is not at all like my DF, who I love dearly.
However I'm very like my own mother and DH is quite like his father.
I think subconsciously some people choose very different partners to their parents because they want a different type of relationship to the one they saw modelled whilst growing up. Both of our parents stayed married (until FIL died at least) and had/have 'good' marriages, but I feel we both want something a bit different from our marriage. For me, a bit more respect and less confrontation. For him, more of an equal partner who challenges him intellectually and supports him as a friend.

I think hope we've chosen well!

RonaldMcDonald · 27/10/2014 09:59

I love my ex MiL...pity, in fact, that I hadn't marred her....

BertieBotts · 27/10/2014 10:10

I'm really not, she's bigoted, manipulative and selfish.

The only thing we have in common is that I can overreact to things sometimes but I think for different reasons. And she likes painting, music and animals which I also like.

DH reminds me of my dad in that he knows a lot about woods, and loves animals, and has that calm, solid sort of demeanour. Although my dad gets easily wound up whereas DH doesn't, so they're not the same in that respect. Mostly also my dad is a bit of a twonk whereas DH is lovely My ex was far more like my dad and in relationships was a close copy - angry, entitled, manipulative, prone to sodding off if it wasn't going his way.

I think it's impossible to have absolutely nothing at all in common with anyone - you're always going to find something the same. And part of what we grow up with shapes our interests and general way of being so it makes sense that we'd end up seeking someone similar in one of those ways.

chasingtheegg · 27/10/2014 10:13

I think mil and I do share some personality traits.. I've only had the guts to admit this recently! But we are very different too, and I don't think what we do share is enough to say dh was naturally drawn to me somehow because of that.

Spindarella · 27/10/2014 10:22

I'm not like MIL. She is a very patient, kind woman with a big heart. Those are charecteristics I really admire and respect. I'm more proactive than she is though. I don't wring my hands and say "well it is how it is". She is very much a peace keeper and placates FIL a lot. I'm more "oh get over yourself and just FO if you're going to sit there with a face on you all day".

DH is not like my father. I think this is probably deliberate. My father is a good man but has signifcant flaws. The only thing DH shares with my father is being physically strong.

DonkeysDoRideBroomsticks · 27/10/2014 10:30

MIL was athletic up until her 60's, a whirlwind of activity both in the house and outside it. Oh and a dab hand at pastry, er no I did not resemble her but we both cared about DH so at least we had that in common.

montymonty · 27/10/2014 10:45

I was driving ever so carefully after some guy decided to tailgate me when my DH turned to me and said - 'you know how they say that men marry their mums? Well, I think I've married my step-dad.'

aprilanne · 27/10/2014 10:49

my husband tells me all the time .if you were like my mum i would divorce you .we couldnt be two different people if we tried .he used to say that about my mum as well right enough .god rest her

Redhead11 · 27/10/2014 10:52

Nothing at all like my late MIL, who was completely batty (and not always in a good way) and who had never been allowed a single moment of independent thought. At her funeral, there was almost nothing the minister could say about her except she made her family her whole life.

Mumpire5 · 27/10/2014 10:54

i was nothing like my xmil, different build, different race, different accents, different first languages, but i realise now that he could tell us both what to do. We had that in common which was more significant than anything else I now feel. She's still trying to please him.

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