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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To reject the idea that men marry their mothers?

68 replies

FoxgloveFairy · 26/10/2014 22:25

Otherwise, I'd be a four foot eleven incredibly annoying Glasweigan woman with a cast iron hairdo. I'll put my hand up to annoying, but no other part of that is me. God, I hope not. Do you have to start getting a weekly shampoo and set at a certain age?

OP posts:

squoosh · 26/10/2014 23:03

I'm not married but have observed that many men marry women similar to their mother. People are attracted to the familiar I suppose.

DraaaamaghAlpacaaaagh · 26/10/2014 23:04

I couldn't be more different from my MIL. She was a lovely woman, but we had very little in common.

LosingAllTheLego · 26/10/2014 23:06

My DH is nothing like my dad!

My dad is quite possibly the most laid back person gracing this planet. DH is a born worrier and gets easily stressed.

My dad is quite, erm, quirky. DH tells me all the time that I'm getting more and more like him. Weirdly he seems to like it!

JiltedJohnsJulie · 26/10/2014 23:07

I do have some similar traits that weren't that obvious at first. We both have a tendency to say what we are thinking in a whoops I wish I'd given that a bit more thought before it popped out kind of way. Have seem sone photos of her when she was younger and she was very slim, I was too when I met DH.

Totally unlike me in other ways though. She is a model 1950s housewife. Women give up work as soon as the first baby arrives and then spend the rest of their life cooking, cleaning, sewing and baking. I'm a bit more like, well I washed up yesterday, or was it the day before?

cloggal · 26/10/2014 23:08

Bloody well hope YANBU.

BaffledSomeMore · 26/10/2014 23:10

We wear the same perfume. She's the only other person I know who wears it.
Other than that we really aren't that similar except we're both smaller than dh.

SplatTheScaryCat · 26/10/2014 23:18

i dont think they do... i can't think of any men i know who's wives look like their mothers.

the nearest i could get to it is that my brother tends to like women with similar colouring to our mom, but they're very different personalities.

i certainly look nothing like my MIL, but i haven't seen many pictures of her when she was young just from her wedding to my FIL.
She was already an elderly lady who was far into the throes of alzheimers when i met her though, but from the couple of pictures i've seen.. there are no similarities.

Momagain1 · 26/10/2014 23:19

I must be like MIL in some ways, there is a certain look/attitude he gets under certain circumstances. The first time we came to visit, about 5 years after we married, i saw him and him brother both doing it, and realized it was their 'keep quiet and she will run out of steam' face, cause MIL was raising a big fuss about something. OTOH, he has always said he admired my independence and get on with it attitude, and once I got to know her, I saw MIL has both of those by the bucketload.

I dont think dh is anything like my dad though. Not in any way. I never would have dated him if he was, everything I admire about him is pretty much defined as being the opposite of my dad. He (and his brother) are also miles and miles and MILES better than their dad. MIL cant pick men (their dad was her 2nd husband, she had to kick him out, and i have heard horror stories of a couple more fiancés) but she sure can raise them.

TSSpectreDNCOntheParanormal · 26/10/2014 23:25

I'd be quite flattered to be compared to my MIL. In many ways we are opposites, but in others we are very similar. I'd be happy to have half her grit. Woman's indefatigable.

VitoCorleone · 26/10/2014 23:32

To be fair though, me and my mil are both 5'1" with bleached blonde hair. That's where the similarities end though

Shahrazad · 26/10/2014 23:36

I am nothing like my MIL. We have totally different views on everything: religion, politics, child rearing.

I am absolutely my mother's daughter however - in looks, temperament and world view. My DH and my (late) mum really loved each other so that's ok.

angeltreats · 26/10/2014 23:44

I love my MIL but I don't think we're anything alike. Definitely not appearance-wise, but also we have quite different personalities.

The older my husband gets, the more he becomes like his dad. Which is worrying. I love my FIL too but I most definitely do not want to be married to him.

YellowSpoon · 26/10/2014 23:48

My dh may have married his mother's antithesis and dh is nothing like my very lovey though very eccentric dad. In fact I do wonder whether his attraction to me was inspired by the degree to which I was different from MIL.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 26/10/2014 23:50

Nope, I don't have my D(dearly departed)MIL's boundless energy.

I can't ride a horse at 46, never mind 77, I hate hiking up hills and I'm not likely to go swimming in the local river or the sea on New Year's Day.

Yes she was that eccentric and 14 years after her death I still miss her, especially at Christmas, which she loved.

Kundry · 26/10/2014 23:51

God I hope I'm not like my MIL.

DH is very obviously like my Dad though. I even met him when my Dad was terminally ill - they met a couple of times and liked each other - so I wonder if I was subconsciously looking. I try not to wonder this very often though as it's a bit freaky.

BigPawsBrown · 26/10/2014 23:58

I am quite a lot like my DP's mother.

MsAspreyDiamonds · 27/10/2014 03:55

My friend and her dil look alike, scarily like sisters so you could say her son married his mother.

MrsMonkeyBear · 27/10/2014 05:03

I get mistaken to be one of my MIL's children. We are too alike for our own good.

HattieFranks · 27/10/2014 05:55

I think I'm quite similar to my MIL but that's fine because she's fab. Dh is not like my Dad at all - I love my Dad but NO WAY could I marry someone like him, he is tetchy and increasingly bigoted and hugely pessimistic. He's also wonderfully reliable (an underrated quality IMO) and generous and extremely proud of his grandchildren! Come to think of it, dh has all his good qualities but not his bad ones (dh has his own annoying habits whilst I am course am perfect and always right...ahem)

Riverland · 27/10/2014 06:01

I think even if you start out seeming different, you'll end up resembling each other's cross gender parent. It's like a magic spell that insidiously works it's way out over the years.

minifingers · 27/10/2014 06:41

Nope, nothing like MIL, except the same ethnicity. (Mil is white, Ds is dark skinned)

toomuchtooold · 27/10/2014 06:43

"A small Glaswegian woman with iron hair sounds like a good lady to have on your side!"

Oh minikiev thanks for saying that! (I am a 5'2" Glaswegian, no helmet hair, but there's a few of them in the family...)

MIL and I look a bit similar... she's incredibly stylish though while 15 years of working in a lab coat and glasses (and occasionally full face visor, neoprene apron, gauntlets and steelies) have done away with whatever residual concern I ever had for not being scruffy. Oh and the kids. I think basically you might say DH married a scruffier and more relaxed version of his mother which is absolutely fine.

I didn't marry my dad, but I must say, my DH and my dad got on instantly. I think good guys know other good guys.

silverstreak · 27/10/2014 06:47

Hmmm, not sure..... I'm not my MILs biggest fan (for some mm mind v.good reasons but I would think so!) but lately have reluctantly conceded - to myself only! - that we do have some similar characteristics...... Perhaps why we clash, as they are all in the arena of strong-mindedness! Definitely look Nothing like her though - that would weird!

Rinkydinkypink · 27/10/2014 06:50

God I hope not! My mother in law is an interfering old do gooder.

She's noisy, controlling and believes she knows everything and is always right. She thinks everyone needs her help and sees those who don't accept it as foolish. In contrast to this she's also a complete dolly daydream but thinks she's intelligent and will happily slag off everyone else's parenting ability simply on the grounds that's she was a primary school teacher and therefore knows more about children than anyone else.

She drives me insane!

nooka · 27/10/2014 06:54

dh's mum died a few years after we met and I don't think we share much really. My dh certainly shares some characteristics with my father, which I suspect I quite consciously chose. He is currently showing signs of morphing into his father in many ways, but then apparently I'm doing the same with my mother. Not sure if the two of them would get on (they have only met twice in the last 25 years).

Still if this theory held then families with several sons would have very similar wives and I've never noticed that (certainly my BiLs aren't much like my dh).

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