to shout at stranger

[littlejolee]

Sorry this is a long one and a bit of a rant. In the que in lidl today and lo is one and already having some major toddler tantrums. He was having one at the checkout because I wouldn't let him play with the plastic bags. I tried distracting him with a toy and dummy and funny faces etc, no avail, so said tantrum continued with lo making a fair bit of noise but with no tears. The next minute the woman in front of me in the que turned around and put her face about an inch away from his nose, with her head right under the pram hood and started blowing really hard in his face! He starts screaming blue murder and the tears were streaming down his face, he never has tears unless he's hurt or frightened. He was crying so much he was holding his breath and going purple, he looked terrified. I flipped my lid at this point and said to her 'what the f* do you think you are doing get out of my child's face and stop blowing on him!' She said 'he's not breathing ' and she was right he wasn't but only when she started blowing on him! I was furious. I had to take him out of the pram and carry him home before he calmed down no mean feat im only 4ft9" and he's a little heffalump. Poor oh got a right earful when we got in!

Oh come off it. It's perfectly obvious the woman was trying to help. From her actions, and from what she said afterward. Yabu.

Here's the thing though...the OP didn't WANT her help. You can't go about doing what she did! It's rude and invasive.

YABVVU and a bit unhinged, frankly. She made a clumsy and misjudged attempt to help, and you massively overreacted and were extremely rude. Why do so many people go for instant fury and hysteria these days whenever anything they're not 100% happy with happens involving their child? A quiet word to the woman would have been enough, and set a much better example to your DS.

My mother did something similar to me when I was about two (traumatised lol) only with my for stamping, breath holding tantrum she lobbed half a glass of ice cold water at me. Did the trick mind,I didn't do it again.

You are fortunate checkout woman hadn't been buying Evian

YABU. Agree with anyoldusernamewilldo. How do you know her breath was germy? She was trying to help, and you were really really rude.

.the OP didn't WANT her help
if a DC is turning blue then it's not the ideal time to wait to get parental permission to intervene

Look if the stranger had just been trying to distract him that's what she would have said when the OP challenged her. She didn't. She said he wasn't breathing and lo! it turns out that OP's DC does hold his breath. It's a heck of a coincidence.

Not all DCs hold their breaths and even the ones that do hold their breath don't do it in the same circumstances so either the woman was telling the truth or she (1) correctly guessed OP's DC was one that would hold his breath and (2) correctly guessed that this type of temper tantrum would be one that would cause him to hold his breath.

The most obvious answer is that she was telling the truth.

I'm almost surprised there's not a corresponding thread saying 'a child was holding his breath so I blew on him and his mum went mad at me. should I have just let him turn blue?'

I can only think that the baby had stopped breathing, you hadn't noticed, but she had. I have only seen blowing on babies used to get them to breathe, not to calm them down so IDK why she would do that.

YABU. She noticed, you didn't. Maybe your reaction is one of guilt.

Or maybe the woman got confused and thought blowing in his face would stop him yelling, and then when he got more scared and started crying and holding his breath, she pointed out that he was holding his breath as an excuse as to why she was blowing in his face in the first place.

I don't know why so many of you are determined to pick everything apart so you can have a go about something

Gosh, please excuse my dreadful grammar!

Obviously she was trying to be helpful and either you hadn't realised he stopped breathing or she misinterpreted what was happening

However I would be livid with a stranger blowing in my baby's face yes... At any age tbh... Unless it was life and death and I realised it was life and death (obviously I want my child's life to be saved but I'm pretty sure if I wasn't fully aware at the time that blowing on them would then honestly I know I would be livid rightly or wrongly)

A mother once screaming abuse at a friend of mine because she grabbed her LO out of his highchair in a restaurant, turned him upside down and smacked his back hard. She threatened to have my friend up for assault.

She hadn't realised that the coughing fit he was having was actually choking and he couldn't breathe. She still refused to believe it even when we showed her the fruit piece that had been dislodged.

First aid procedures can look pretty violent if you don't know what's happening and it can be hard to tell a child is in trouble if you haven't seen it before.

I'm guessing something similar happened here. You don't always have time to ask the permission of a parent in an emergency. You had a shock but probably she was concerned for your lo and that's why she acted first and explained later.

YWNBU; your poor baby being frightened needlessly. You should have called the police, what she did was abusive.

That statement is the single most ridiculous thing I've ever read on here.

YANBU to dislike what the woman did. YABU to scream and swear at her if that's what you did. I would have probably been quite snippy and direct when telling her to stop it and go away, but there's rarely any need for shouting and swearing at strangers.
I actually laughed out loud at the suggestion that OP should have called the police

you should have phoned the non emergency number (grin) isn't that what they normally say on here :P

you should have phoned the non emergency number isn't that what they normally say on here