to shout at stranger

[littlejolee]

Sorry this is a long one and a bit of a rant. In the que in lidl today and lo is one and already having some major toddler tantrums. He was having one at the checkout because I wouldn't let him play with the plastic bags. I tried distracting him with a toy and dummy and funny faces etc, no avail, so said tantrum continued with lo making a fair bit of noise but with no tears. The next minute the woman in front of me in the que turned around and put her face about an inch away from his nose, with her head right under the pram hood and started blowing really hard in his face! He starts screaming blue murder and the tears were streaming down his face, he never has tears unless he's hurt or frightened. He was crying so much he was holding his breath and going purple, he looked terrified. I flipped my lid at this point and said to her 'what the f* do you think you are doing get out of my child's face and stop blowing on him!' She said 'he's not breathing ' and she was right he wasn't but only when she started blowing on him! I was furious. I had to take him out of the pram and carry him home before he calmed down no mean feat im only 4ft9" and he's a little heffalump. Poor oh got a right earful when we got in!

How anyone can think it's ok for a total stranger to blow in their childs face is beyond me. What a stupid woman.

Ehric
I don't think it is a case of anyone being 'perfectly equanimious'
I guess that's what makes us all different. Some would 'flip out' screaming and swearing while others wouldn't. I don't think anyone is saying what the woman did was ok. More a case of saying the OP was perhaps being BU to respond in the way she did.

...or perhaps giving reasons as to why the woman may have done it.

can't but it's a very primeval thing isn't it? Feeling your child is in danger can result in all kinds of odd behaviour.

"Where does she "pretend the baby is not breathing"?"

Hollie, the OP said that the stranger blew on the child's face and justified it by saying he wasn't breathing.
The OP said that he was breathing before the stranger blew on him. Therefore, either the stranger pretended that the child wasn't breathing, or, the OP is mistaken.

I agree Claw but that possibly depends on the situation. Did the OP really think her child was in danger or was she more put out that someone was interfering in an already stressful situation as her DS was having a tantrum?
I sometimes think aggression, swearing and shouting seems to be the default response of people regardless of the situation. Just my opinion.

Can't I don't. I think that many/most Mothers react in pretty strong fashions when their baby/child is "under threat". The perceived threat could be a stupid thing...or a real thing. But it's nature and a fact of life.

Same reason we're told not to approach animals with their young. Although humans CAN of course be approached, the basic instinct can sometimes be poked too much.

People are rubbish at recalling events accurately, particularly in stressful/upsetting situations.

Only the OP was there of course.

But from the description to someone removed from the situation it seems like toddler tantrummed, then held breath, women noticed before OP (due to angle) and blew in his face, OP kicked off (understandably due to not having a clue what was going on) only then her brain processing about the colour change to face.

It would be pretty weird for the woman to say "He is not breathing " and the the tantrumming toddler to just comply and stop breathing

The lady was trying to help. Either the baby had stopped breathing or the lady had thought he had. She seemed to have good intentions. Op may of been panicked but should think more carefully before swearing at people trying to be nice

Seems an awfully strange coincidence that he did indeed stop breathing after she blew in his face. I'd say it's pretty obvious he had already stopped and she was trying to help

Op, if you read up on blue-breath holding, it sounds like this could possibly have happened?

It usually happens mid-tantrum or as a shock of being hurt.

YANBU.

If I stopped and blew in the face of every child I heard screaming in the supermarket... I'd have had worse than a "what the fuck are you doing?" by now.

Makes me wonder how I survived the toddler years without face blowing.

I think what happened is the woman blew in the baby's face to stop him shouting, it didn't work it just frightened him, and then because he was so frightened he started crying so much he stopped breathing. Because she didn't say that until he was actually crying his eyes out and she didn't ask if it was ok or suggest I blow on him to calm him, she just breathed her disgusting germy breath all over my baby and I flipped my lid. I didn't swear and I didn't scream but I spoke to her VERY sharply and possibly a little louder than conversation level because I was completely shocked that she thought her behaviour was acceptable

I flipped my lid at this point and said to her 'what the f do you think you are doing*

I didn't swear and I didn't scream

Which is it?

Y.N.B.U but she probably thought she was helping. You see I think cases like this are examples of why not a let of people would intervene and help, for fear of being took off on. However that said I do understand your panic.

A shouting and yelling toddler, as the OP clearly states that he was, is not failing to breathe properly. If he was then he could not have shouted and yelled.

I would have flipped my lid at her as I said in my previous post. The closest I came to anything like that happening to me was many years ago when out in a town with my then 18 month old second daughter. She had been asleep in her pushchair, but was startled by some noise nearby and woke up grizzling. The shop assistant immediately snapped (loudly) at me "OH WHY THE HELL COULDN'T YOU HAVE LEFT HER OUTSIDE!!" I didn't swear at her, that isn't what I mean by flip, but she did get the sharp side of my tongue and a big piece of my mind. She actually apologised and was very red-faced. Too late though. I never went to that shop again while she worked there.

I can't believe that all of these people stating that the OP was being unreasonable would happily allow a total stranger to blow directly in the face of their tantruming toddler. It was a gross invasion of private space, and frankly weird.

If this were the other way round and the OP had been the other woman and had come on here complaining that the mother of a shouty toddler had reacted angrily when she had leaned straight into the pram and blown hard into said toddler's face then I suspect she would got a near unanimous drubbing for being an interfering busybody.

You don't blow on them to calm them, you blow hard onto the face to shock them into taking a breath.

Maybe she was a loon, maybe she wasn't, but the blowing in face thing does have a reason. If you don't, they faint and go unconscious for about 5 to 10 seconds - believe me, it's fucking scary if it happens - maybe she has a child that does that and she acted on automatic, who knows.

Massive over-reaction, OP. I think she was only trying to be helpful.

I can't believe that all of these people stating that the OP was being unreasonable would happily allow a total stranger to blow directly in the face of their tantruming toddler

Nobody has said that at all. You are being rather obtuse.

I didn't claim at all that anyone actually said that, can't. It just totally amazes me that some people think the OP was unreasonable in how she reacted to a perceived risk to her baby.

From what she says in the OP, there was no problem with the baby's breathing. He was being noisy and shouty. I wonder whether or not it was some stupid, misguided attempt to shush him up. It backfired.

YABU. Flipping out at a stranger in front of your tantrumming or frightened child is really not good.

My assumption would be that the stranger was trying to help. She was doing it badly and without asking, the results were not helpful. I'd be really annoyed with her. But a polite (or through gritted teeth if you can't manage that) "please stop, that does not help" would be better for all concerned. If she then didn't stop, flipping out at her would have some purpose.

In OP it says the woman turned around. If they are in a que with this woman in front and she needed to turn around to blow in his face then she wouldn 't have been able to see if he was going blue. I think she was just trying to distract/surprise him into stopping and it massively backfired.

It sounds to me as if the woman works with babies, or had a breath-holder of her own, and her action was instinctive. It's also understandable that littlejolee was shocked by her action, and offended.

It would have been better for the other woman to just tell you your baby had stopped breathing but, if it's a familiar situation to her, I can imagine she'd just react in emergency mode.

Neither of you were unreasonable :)

Going by OP's account (seeing as she was the only one there and the rest are just speculating) YADNBU... Never in a million yrs would I find it acceptable for a stranger to blow on my child's face like that. She does sound like an odd one but I completely agree with claws re: mothers instinct to protect... If my poor little DS reacted in such a scared manner at someone who had no right being that close to him in the first place, I'd flip too - regardless of how calm I am in other aspects of my life.