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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed that sil is pissed at me

38 replies

Anydrinkwilldo · 26/10/2014 15:00

I'm bridesmaid for my sil. I've just found out I'm pregnant, not planned (and we knew an accident had happened, took morning after pill within 8 hours). Told sil she was delighted, now she's found out that bridesmaid dresses can not be altered and she will either have to pick a new one for me or change all bridesmaid dresses. I understand the stress she's under with organising the wedding and now she may have to change the dresses she had fallen in love with, but does it early warrant not talking to me since she found out about the dresses. I'm still trying to get my head around being pregnant and have been upset about it. She knows this as she is the only one (apart from dh) who knows I'm pregnant and has seen me crying and consoled me. I'm so stressed out by everything at the moment I just feel like disappearing

OP posts:
wheresthelight · 26/10/2014 15:02

could you offer to pay towards getting a bigger size?

Shonajay · 26/10/2014 15:03

Couldn't you have one in the same colour made, from the same material? There's loads of places on eBay in china that do handmade dresses really reasonably, she's acting like bridezilla! Xx

VileStatistyx · 26/10/2014 15:05

I'm sorry that you are going through this.

I think it is sad that she is so focused on her wedding that she has lost sight of what a difficult situation it is to face an unplanned pregnancy particularly when there are mixed feelings about it.

I think, hard as it is, that you may have to put her to one side for now, just let her get on with ignoring you, while you put your energies into this situation that you find yourself in.

I assume she is normally a good person and hopefully will give herself a shake and realise that you are going through something very difficult and which matters a lot more than a dress. I realise that right now, for her, her wedding is the centre of her world, but hopefully she will have time to have a think about it all.

cheepsskram · 26/10/2014 15:06

I feel for both of you as you are going through different stresses. Could you offer to pay for your own dress and have one that is the same colour but a different style to the other bridesmaids?

Is it the company that is refusing to alter the size because the dress has been started? You may find a local dressmaker can add in a side panel or alter the dress in someway.

maddy68 · 26/10/2014 15:07

I can understand this tbh. It's really expensive and she can probably do without the extra agro
Why don't you either get one made/buy one to match but bigger or offer to withdraw from being a bridesmaid?

gamerchick · 26/10/2014 15:08

Can you not just back out of that part of the wedding?

Original poster
Anydrinkwilldo · 26/10/2014 15:09

I'm going to pay for my own from now on but the dress that she had picked has a seam directly across the waist and the company who make it have said it will not be adjustable to a maternity dress. I have offered to by material and bring it to local dressmaker and make something similar (not exact same obv) but her response was 'forget it we'll just have to change all the dresses now. I've spent so long sobbing over this dh is fuming and is so close to ringing her up to tell her to stuff her wedding!

OP posts:
HowlCapone · 26/10/2014 15:09

she will either have to pick a new one for me or change all bridesmaid dresses

Or you could withdraw from being a bridesmaid.

Original poster
Anydrinkwilldo · 26/10/2014 15:10

And I have offered to withdraw she won't accept my resignation

OP posts:
KingJoffreysBloodshotEye · 26/10/2014 15:11

Why would you want to be a bridesmaid for someone who doesn't speak to you over such a stupid reason.

Ditch the wedding.

MollyHooper · 26/10/2014 15:15

It's not her choice, if you want to withdraw you should.

I think it would be for the best. It sounds like you really don't need the hassle right now.

StarlingMurmuration · 26/10/2014 15:15

Is she actually not speaking to you? Or has she just gone quiet and a bit non-responsive? Maybe she's just trying to get over her disappointment by withdrawing a bit, but doesn't realise how it is affecting you?

She obviously shouldn't be mad at you, or blaming you, but I can see why she's pissed off in general.

gogomummy · 26/10/2014 15:15

I would take her to the International Court of Wedding Nonsense and force her to accept your resignation. It's the option that makes most sense. You could offer to help her with the wedding and be part of her day just not in that official capacity. The only people you need around you right now and good friends who will support you.

wanderingcloud · 26/10/2014 15:18

Ignore her, she's gone Bridezilla and it's too late to save her. Hope and pray she eventually realizes IT IS ONE DAY and all the associated crap and frippery REALLY DOESN'T MATTER if she's marrying the man she loves. Sorry, I have zero patience for bridezillas, they need to be given short shrift. Grin

MrsMarcJacobs · 26/10/2014 15:54

I'd offer to gracefully drop out. Is that not how she is trying to make you feel - like you have no place being there?

anonacfr · 26/10/2014 16:08

Withdraw. What is she going to do- force you?

KingJoffreysBloodshotEye · 26/10/2014 16:46

You were already doing her a massive favour by being her bridesmaid.

She's being a twat.

Pull out. And don't do her any more favours.

FunkyBoldRibena · 26/10/2014 16:53

I would resign, and tell her that she needs to get things into perspective. Perhaps let your husband tell her where she can stick the wedding, not sure why you haven't let him do this yet.

calzone · 26/10/2014 16:58

Step back from the wedding.
The stress will do you no good at all.

Tell her you are resigning and that is an end to it.

Buy a lovely outfit to wear instead. Smile

Itsfab · 26/10/2014 17:11

If someone wants you as their bridesmaid doesn't that signify you are someone they care about? She isn't showing any thought for you so I am wondering if the more bridesmaids you have the more presents you get or the more arse licking there is going on.

Withdraw. It is the only sensible choice for both of you.

SassySugarCane · 26/10/2014 17:14

Would not accept your resignation? What a crock of shit, as a PP said, if you want to withdraw it is not up to her. Don't let her bully you. Stuff her wedding.

ChasedByBees · 26/10/2014 17:15

Absolutely resign. You can say you don't known how you'll feel (and if she's making this much fuss about the dresses you're better off out).

She doesn't have to accept. You get to choose. Why would you choose a lose-lose situation where she's being hostile?

WyrdByrd · 26/10/2014 17:24

I was going to say I can see her point although she's being a bit OTT, but it sounds like you've done everything you could to sort it out so she's definitely being unfair.

Has this all happened quite recently? Perhaps once she's got new dresses sorted she'll chill out a bit.

Sassyb0703 · 26/10/2014 17:42

FIrstly and MOST importantly, congratulations on your bump. (I am assuming your planning on keeping your baby, otherwise this whole thread is null and void ) Sil is the one being totally u ! . This is really dh's issue to deal with as its his sister. You have offered completely appropriate compromise of having dress made for you or withdraw. I would tell him to bounce this back and ask bridezilla what she wants you to do ? The answer will be interesting.

MammaTJ · 26/10/2014 19:55

Dear SIL,

You will not speak to me at a time when I am struggling and need to support of those closest to me. Therefore, I have decided I cannot possibly be your bridesmaid. This is because the role of BM should only go to those who you care about and you clearly do not care about me, well, you may do but a lot less than you care about your dresses.

Yours Anydrinkwilldo

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