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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed that sil is pissed at me

38 replies

Anydrinkwilldo · 26/10/2014 15:00

I'm bridesmaid for my sil. I've just found out I'm pregnant, not planned (and we knew an accident had happened, took morning after pill within 8 hours). Told sil she was delighted, now she's found out that bridesmaid dresses can not be altered and she will either have to pick a new one for me or change all bridesmaid dresses. I understand the stress she's under with organising the wedding and now she may have to change the dresses she had fallen in love with, but does it early warrant not talking to me since she found out about the dresses. I'm still trying to get my head around being pregnant and have been upset about it. She knows this as she is the only one (apart from dh) who knows I'm pregnant and has seen me crying and consoled me. I'm so stressed out by everything at the moment I just feel like disappearing

OP posts:
pluCaChange · 26/10/2014 19:57

You already aren't her bridesmaid any more. Hasn't she got the slightest idea what an imposition it is, to ask someone to be your bridesmaid? This is someone who helps you prepare for your wedding, probably organises your hen do, spends a long and stressful wedding day helping you, and that includes holding up your dress while you pee. A bridesmaid is a helpmeet and friend, not someone you treat like an inconveniece and an offence.

ImperialBlether · 26/10/2014 20:26

Congratulations! When is the baby due and when is the wedding?

Original poster
Anydrinkwilldo · 27/10/2014 10:48

Thanks for all the responses I honestly thought I was being irrational but I can see she is being a tad bridezilla. We're meeting today to talk about things. Fingers crossed we sort something out. I just feel so hurt, I know she's upset but I am to and this affects ONE day of her life, it affects my whole life.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 27/10/2014 10:55

I hope it all gets resolved.
Surely the best thing is for you to not be BM any more.
Just be there to support her on the day.
Decide what you want and don't be bullied by anyone!

Allhallowspeeve · 27/10/2014 11:01

Why does it effect your while life ?

I think your both being a tad dramatic tbh.

With draw and say you will help in other ways . If she says she refuses to accept - tell her you have already made your mind up and that you don't want to stress her out further.

Wedding just get silly .

SavoyCabbage · 27/10/2014 11:04

Having a child does tend to affect your whole life!

I hope you get it all sorted out when you talk to her. I would strongly discourage her from scrapping the dresses and get different ones for everyone if you can. That's just going to lead to more problems.

bungmean · 27/10/2014 11:04

"Why does it effect your while life ?"

Umm, because babies tend to stick around?

Simplesusan · 27/10/2014 11:04

I wouldn't be a bridesmaid.

Why would she insist on it? Sounds totally bizarre to me.

pluCaChange · 27/10/2014 11:05

Allhallowspeeve (great username, BTW), I think the OP is referring to the life-change of being pregnant, versus the SIL's wedding.

FayeFruitLoop · 27/10/2014 11:09

LOL a lot at the why does it affect your whole life comment upthread Shock

Give her some space to figure out she's being bridezilla (she is btw) and then deal with it. In an ideal world you could give these super sod off then remarks but your family, a major family rift probably won't help anyone and least of all you at this time.

Once she realises she is in the wrong then interact with her and show her a few pics of wedding parties with one BM in a slightly different maternity dress. Once she sees your not going to all look daft she will be fine I expect

Original poster
Anydrinkwilldo · 27/10/2014 11:34

Allhallowspeeve I was referring to the baby, sorry if I didn't make that clear. She is very stuck in her ways and if she has decided that all the dresses have to be changed then so be it. I'm hoping to change her mind but not being optimistic!

OP posts:
Dieu · 27/10/2014 11:39

Haven't read the whole thread, so this will be a bit pointless if you've already decided not to be bridesmaid. My sister put on a lot of weight after the birth of her third child (understandable!) but was chief bridesmaid at a wedding. She was stressed to the max as the dress had gone out of stock and there were none on Ebay, so she had basically no chance of getting hold of another. So she took the dress to a local seamstress/alteration place and asked if they could do anything. You'd be AMAZED at what these people can achieve with clothing! On their instructions, we went to a local fabric shop and bought some fabric in roughly the same colour. The seamstress took apart the dress and sewed the extra panels in, thus giving my sis far more width in the dress. This could perhaps be an option, I dunno.
Good luck and many congrats on your pregnancy. Everything will work out in the end (it generally always does!), so try not to worry.

BauerTime · 27/10/2014 11:56

As far as I see it there are 3 options here, do what dieu says and take a chance on a local dressmaker to fo something amazing with the dress, choose different dresses, or lose 1 bridesmaid. All fairly straightforward really.

She is entitled to be annoyed/pissed off that she had to make changes as you cant really help your feelings or emotions, but she is out of order to make you feel bad as its as out of your control as it is hers.

I dont see why you have to have a special meeting with her to 'discuss' as its not a negotiation is it? She either gets on with it or lets it ruin the excitement of the lead up to her wedding and her relationship with her family members. No contest in my book.

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