Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not make Ds go to rugby?

42 replies

MozzchopsThirty · 26/10/2014 09:28

He woke up and said he didn't feel like it
I was positive and said 'look it's a dry day, you have a party later etc'

So I messaged the ex and suggested that he could do the Sunday morning rugby as he's good at the motivational pep talk etc

He rang and spoke to Ds who ended up crying and going back to bed Hmm

I've text his coach and apologised and asked if he could maybe have a word with him at training

I was never a sporty child so I can't really get into making him go.
He does a lot of sport and is also a bright child who works hard in school

AIBU to not force him to play today?

OP posts:
Penfold007 · 26/10/2014 09:32

You were right not to make him go. If ex wants him to do rugby he should be doing the touchline duty not you.

brotherhoodofspam · 26/10/2014 09:33

It's he usually keen to go? If so perhaps he's not feeling well or is really tired, or has something happened with one of the other children there that's putting him off? If this is something that often happens on a Sunday, perhaps he just doesn't enjoy it. Either way I wouldn't force him to go. Sounds like he gets plenty exercise at other times.

MammaTJ · 26/10/2014 09:34

Ex sounds really good at motivational pep talk! Hmm

tywysogesgymraeg · 26/10/2014 09:38

A child should never be allowed to get out of something because they don't feel like it.
In this case, he has a commitment to the team, and by not turning up at short notice he will impact training. I always tell my kids that if everyone stayed at home each time they didn't feel like doing something the clubs they go to might eventually fold.

If you join a club/team or whatever, you are making a regular committment to other people which you should honour whatever you feel like (unless your leg has dropped off in the night or something).

You're not really setting him up for life OP by allowing him not to do things if he doesn't feel like it.

Penfold007 · 26/10/2014 10:45

Tywysog that sounds really harsh. I couldn't parent like that but do respect your choice. Maybe you are really competitive and sporty.

Original poster
MozzchopsThirty · 26/10/2014 10:47

I feel like that about school, I don't get people who let their kids stay home or choose when to go

However clubs and sports are different to me
It's not like work or school, you choose to go, it's a leisure activity, it's supposed to be fun

OP posts:
Purpleroxy · 26/10/2014 10:48

Hw old?

Original poster
MozzchopsThirty · 26/10/2014 10:51

He's 9

OP posts:
Dumbledoresgirl · 26/10/2014 10:52

I'm with brotherhood. I would be looking for the reason he doesn't want to go.

SlothBear · 26/10/2014 11:03

I would have made him go, I'm afraid. It's not the sort of hobby you can drop in and out of when you feel like it.

My DS always has to go to rugby and drama, unless ill or a serious clash, because he's letting the rest of the group down if he just can't be bothered.

Cubs, I don't mind so much if he's very tired, and will let him skip. He's not hurting anyone else by doing that.

FamiliesShareGerms · 26/10/2014 11:03

I'm with tywy here. Just not felling like it is a very poor reason for a 9yo to get out of something to which he had made a commitment

FamiliesShareGerms · 26/10/2014 11:04

feeling

Hatespiders · 26/10/2014 11:06

As he was actually crying, I'd bet there's some underlying reason for his reluctance to go. You say he's usually sporty, so something's up.
Might be an idea to have a word with him when he's more cheerful and get to the bottom of it. I wouldn't have forced him to go. If his own mum can't stand by him who can?

wonderingsoul · 26/10/2014 11:06

Ds1 didn't go to day, he didn't feel like it but he was also I'll yesterday

How ever he does he normally he doesn't want to go, but when's he's there he loves it.

How ever him going back to bed would make me feel like he was getting ill, unless he normally likes his bed.. Mine don't lol

unpackyoursuitcase · 26/10/2014 11:08

If he doesn't want to go and needs encouragement each time then it is time to stop. If it s a one off.. he needs to go. Setting up a good ethic for life of commitment and being part of a team,, good life skills.

Altinkum · 26/10/2014 11:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScaryZ · 26/10/2014 11:13

Is it a match? Is he letting the team down? If not, it's not unreasonable for him not to go once.

But you need to talk to him and decide - either he is playing or he isn't, and he has to make up his mind the night before and stick to his decision. Otherwise weekends become chaos with no-one knowing what's going on at all.

Purpleroxy · 26/10/2014 11:18

Yanbu if he's 9. Let him have a break and some tlc.

Hakluyt · 26/10/2014 11:18

Hmm. My ds gave up rugby for a while at about this age when it started to get more physical- they played against a particular team and he got scared. He said "I wish I was bigger or braver". He took it up again when he was a bit older (and bigger and braver) and loves it now. Could it be something like that?

Original poster
MozzchopsThirty · 26/10/2014 12:50

I think the tackling has really affected his game!
He loved tag rugby and was really good at it.

He doesn't mind the odd scuffle in football but I think there's a lot bigger, tougher boys at rugby
And the constant shouting from parents irritates me so it must annoy the kids

OP posts:
cece · 26/10/2014 12:53

In my house if they can't do rugby in the morning there is no way they would be going to the party later.

Hakluyt · 26/10/2014 12:54

Thought so. The step up from tag is a huge one.

I would ask him if he wants to give it up for a while. He can always start again when he's bigger and/or braver.

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks · 26/10/2014 13:15

Why no Mother should let her son play rugby

It's a Daily Mail link but the facts are there to see.

ScaryZ · 26/10/2014 13:24

You can't punish a child for being scared by stopping him going to a party Shock

That would be terrible - and I say that as the mum to two boys who have played very physical rugby, one of whom is currently sporting a couple of broken bones. It's a physical sport - they have to want to do it. If they are frightened they will get hurt.

Having said that, the DM article is ridiculous. Yes, of course kids get hurt. But although I know a few who have suffered serious injuries, I also know many for whom it is a way of life, the thing they love most to do. For any mother to not "let" her son play a game he wants to play would be just as bad as forcing him to play a game he hates.

Same goes for girls, btw, or for fathers Hmm.

ScaryZ · 26/10/2014 13:25

That DM writer wants to end scrums and tackles [baffled]

But not ban it? That makes no sense at all.