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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not make Ds go to rugby?

42 replies

MozzchopsThirty · 26/10/2014 09:28

He woke up and said he didn't feel like it
I was positive and said 'look it's a dry day, you have a party later etc'

So I messaged the ex and suggested that he could do the Sunday morning rugby as he's good at the motivational pep talk etc

He rang and spoke to Ds who ended up crying and going back to bed

I've text his coach and apologised and asked if he could maybe have a word with him at training

I was never a sporty child so I can't really get into making him go.
He does a lot of sport and is also a bright child who works hard in school

AIBU to not force him to play today?

OP posts:

sickntiredtoo · 26/10/2014 13:30

I think you need to decide whether he is going to commit to doing rugby and go every week, or not and quit.Coaches are usually volunteers and it is not fair to them, or the other players to mess them about like this.

Nanny0gg · 26/10/2014 13:30

If he dislikes it or is scared then he should just give up altogether.

Might be worth having a chat with the coach and then your DS and come to a decision.

He either commits to going or gives up.

SanityClause · 26/10/2014 13:44

Constant shouting from parents? Find a new club! At DS's rugby this morning, there was no shouting, only standing around moaning about the cold, with the occasional clapping when someone scored a try. (Training, not an actual match.)

Original poster

MozzchopsThirty · 26/10/2014 14:12

It's not our parents it's other clubs

We're at the party now and his coach is here, they've had a good chat
He's a lovely guy and the boys respect him

OP posts:

ZanyMobster · 26/10/2014 17:13

I am a rugby coach and this happens a lot at age 9, there is such a difference with tag and contact so we lose lots of boys at that age, it really is totally different and it isn't for everyone. We have 50 children in our U7s age group and about 15 in our U9s, a lot of this is due to the contact issue.

Personally I think if a child is going to do a sport like this then they need to commit to it but definitely don't force him long term. When my boys wanted to give up something they had been doing for 4 years I told them to give it 4 more weeks, I spoke to the instructor about the problem and then when they still wanted to stop I let them but like others have said the coaches are volunteers and its not on to mess them around.

I hope you get things sorted one way or another, the coach sound nice.

Queenofknickers · 26/10/2014 17:26

My DH is a rugby coach and sees this all the time in the transition to contact from tag. It bloody hurts to tackle/be tackled! My DH runs special sessions to get through this and get the players confidence up. Often if they've been taught the right techniques it really helps. I would definitely have a chat with the coach - he/she will have had this before. Ultimately though I wouldn't make my sons play rugby if they really hated it but I would check out why.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/10/2014 17:31

The most important thing op is your ds well being. How the hell can you get a crying child to rugby. he's a child not an adult. Find out why he doesent want to go, if he still wants to do it? Yes some people are very harsh on here, op main priority is her child's well being!

saoirse31 · 26/10/2014 17:47

Think you need to determine if he wants to continue or not. If he doesn't fine. If he does then it's a team sport, you go every wk as otherwise you're letting down your team.

tywysogesgymraeg · 27/10/2014 00:36

Mozz- remember that at cubs there is a Cub Leader working really hard as a volunteer to organise an evening for a seri number of kids. Devising games and activities and buying materials based on an expected number if children.
Think of the money that is wasted buying stuff for kids who don't turn up because they don't feel like it. What if all the kids didn't feel like it on the same night? What if rptge cub leader didn't feel like it one night?

I run a Brownie unit, and I find your attitude really annoying

PigletJohn · 27/10/2014 01:09

You're not really setting him up for life OP by forcing him to do things if he doesn't like or enjoy them and is frightened or injured by them.

There's time enough for that when he is in the army, or in prison.

Original poster

MozzchopsThirty · 27/10/2014 09:08

The point of the thread is that I didn't force him into doing something he didn't want to do!

Not sure what Cubs has got to do with anything!

OP posts:

ZanyMobster · 27/10/2014 09:23

The point made about cubs was that if your child has committed to an activity then they shouldn't be able to just not go when they don't fancy it.

Pigletjohn It is not about forcing a child to do something they don't like (which as the OP has said she hasn't done anyway) but teaching them about committing to activities where people give up their spare time for free to teach them and that it is potentially letting the team down if they don't attend. Not teaching a child to make commitments like that is not setting them up for life at all but allowing them to not go to an activity just because they don't fancy it that day is just teaching them they can do as they please.

Obviously if a child genuinely wants to stop an activity because they are frightened of it etc then they should but then they should stop completely not just go as and when they please.

PigletJohn · 27/10/2014 09:38

I know, I was inverting a previous poster.

ZanyMobster · 27/10/2014 09:46

Sorry Piglet

NoelleHawthorne · 27/10/2014 09:47

I bet he doesnt like it as he has started contact? And oyu have just paid subs

Check and CHECK - this was my son, BUT he restarted at school in y7 and is now in the Y9 first team - tackling away like billy-o.

Let him give it up imo

tywysogesgymraeg · 27/10/2014 10:03

What Zany said. Thank you Zany.

I feel that if a volunteer adult (me, the rugby coach) gives up time for free, and it's not just the activity time, it includes all the admin and organisation that goes with it, the least parents can do is bring their children along when they don't feel like it.

There are plenty of Brownie evenings when I've had a stressful day at work when I don't feel like it, but I've made a commitment.

If a child doesn't want to do an activity, whether its rugby, cubs, whatever, don't force them. But please either opt in or opt out. Its not fair to anyone otherwise. Not to the organisers, the rest of the team or club, the children on the waiting list or the child itself, who will develop false expectations of life.

Original poster

MozzchopsThirty · 27/10/2014 10:13

Well the good news is he spoke with his coach
They had a little private conflab and he's happy to continue playing
He knows that this can't happen again and that if it does he will need to leave the team

OP posts:

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