AIBU to do whatever I like to my fence?

[SunnaStrangeInTheNeighbourhood]

Or rather is DH BU?

Last summer we replaced our tatty 6ft fence with a brand new one. It's a very long garden and that side was looking horribly bare. We have planted shrubs and flowers in beds down the side but it was still looking a bit naked because we'd had to remove a lot of established bushes and shrubs to do the fence.

DH scrounged was given some lightweight barbed wire left over from a friend's project and has been hammering it to the fence along the top and in loops and curls up and down with the intention of growing some climbing plants along it. It will also make it harder for random burglars to climb over the fence, he said. 3 years ago a potential burglar scaled all the fences down the lane and tried all the back doors, so it's not entirely silly to think it could happen.

NDN is worried about his cat getting hurt. Said cat hardly ever comes in our garden because we shout at it or squirt it with water. Until we moved in it had used it as an outside toilet. 4 years of discouragement means we hardly see it any more.

Cats aren't stupid so I think it may have encountered barbed wire before (we live in a village surround by farm land) and will have learned to avoid it or tiptoe round it. He wants us to remove it but "doesn't want to fall out over it". Dh has said he doesn't want to fall out either but it's staying.

NDN's wife says he's being ridiculous. He is isn't he?

I was wondering that ScaryZ If a ball went into the flowerbed and a child rushed in to retrieve it and ended up brushing up against the fence I would hate to think of the outcome.

It may be worth a call to your local police station or your PCSO just to get advice on the legality of this, just in case. They would also be able to advise you on some more effective (and less contentious) crime prevention strategies.

I don't know if you have DC OP, but I would be worried about their safety if you do (rummaging amongst the plants for a lost ball, eg). Even if you don't, I'm sure you have friends or family with children visit at times.

Your neighbour can point out that his cat might get injured if he were to jump up onto the fence.

Of course you can leave the wire up and risk losing your good relationship with him.

You and your dh are still unreasonable .

Barbed wires at toddler eye height could make for an interesting conversation with visiting friends.

I hate barbed wire with a passion having got entangled with it as a child when pony trekking over "open" moreland once - it was rusty and hidden in the heather and cut through my riding boots when I tried to free the pony. It was like metal brambles, very scary.

I think it should be illegal.

It is on a side which backs on to a field then a notice would do and farmers fields are frequently fenced with barbed wire so it would not be unexpected here, if it borders your neighbours garden then Yabu and saving cash on trellises is not good enough excuse. Every winter it will look like some prison camp perimeter as the climbers die back for the winter so even when the climbers get to over 6ft there will still be a long period where it just looks like barbed wire which you are inflicting on you neighbour even before you get to safety of animals etc

StillStayingClassy - I agree. The OP seems to feel that giving the NDN the 'pretty' side of the fence means they shouldn't voice objections to barbed wire. I think her attitude towards her male NDN is horrible.

I and I believe many others on this thread would be horrified if either of our NDN thought topping the fences between our gardens with barbed wire was a sensible thing to do.

Why shell out for a decent fence to then give it a prison camp chic barbed wire topping?!

No, it's not up to your neighbour. However, it would pay to have a bit of sense and think about if a free length of awful, ugly and dangerous barbed wire is worth losing your good relationship with your neighbour over, or if perhaps spending a few pounds on some safe, attractive canes, twine or trellis is the way to go. Just because you could doesn't mean you should.

There is a six foot flower bed from the path to the fence and visiting DCs (ours are grown) play on the lawn the other side of the path. No one walks through the flowers beds except DH. No one can get into our garden without asking us to unlock the gates on either side or coming through the house. The danger to people isn't much of an issue, other than DH.

NDN's cat is constantly in the fields over the back and safely negotiates the barbed wire already there, I think he's worrying about nothing.

I didn't ask if the wire was unreasonable, although I'm thinking it probably is if plants can't be grown easily. I asked if NDN was.

If I was looking at a house as a potential purchaser the barbed wire would put me off because I would be worried about the sort of neighbourhood it was in.

I bloody hate barbed wire though. Some delightful person decided to dump a roll in an overgrown bank of grass on a footpath near us which my dog promptly ran into, got her hind legs tangled and ripped herself to bits. Nearly £3000 worth of vets bills later (thank god for insurance) she is scarred for life but all healed up and happy. Barbed wire belongs in prisons or secured areas, no need for it anywhere else at all.

A six foot flower bed, perfect for playing hide and seek.

I would go ballistic if I bought a house and discovered barbed wire on a fence, covered up by climbers . I hope you never, ever want to sell. Or have grandchildren.

The cat question is irrelevant, yabu to even consider barbed wire in a garden.

Your NDN is not being unreasonable. I am quite glad I'm not your neighbour to be honest, you sounds like you two are a bit of a handful. I have literally never heard of anyone who thought it was a good idea to use barbed wire for climbing plants before!

YABU. Just weird to put up barbed wire in your garden and how would you feel if the poor cat does get stuck in it? Too awful to think about.

Scary has a valid point. How would you and your DH feel if your DGC were playing in the garden? Even if you'd told them to stay away from the fence, wouldn't you feel extremely on edge?

AIBU?
YABU?
Strops, pouts, gets sarcastic... insists on reasonableness of endeavour...

You know the wisteria, clematis etc., may need cutting back at some point? You really think barbed wire (even the 'discreet' type) is the best support for climbing plants?

Looping barbed wire along garden fences is never a good idea, whether or not it is free. Even if your DH is exceptionally mean, both with money and about the very reasonable concerns your NDN has about his cat getting injured.

Aesthetically, barbed wire is ghastly. No matter how thin is might be, it is not a thing of beauty.

Practically, it is not something any gardener, amateur or otherwise, would ever consider as a framework for climbing plants. Because it will tear the plants and be a real risk to anyone pruning them or painting the fence.

Truly one of the worst ideas for a garden ever without adding in the danger to the cat.

Your DH needs to stop collecting junk and then making up an excuse trying to find a use for it. Your NDN has reasonable concerns which your DH is dismissing because he's determined to use the barbed wire because it was free.

A bit of a handful, us? Really?

You must have missed almost every other neighbour thread on here. We don't park over their drive; have barking dogs breeding in the shed; wild parties till all hours; smoke pot under their windows; have "evil" children that run riot throughout the neighbourhood; have loud rows in the middle of the night; complain about their grandchildren making a noise or throw rubbish into their garden.

I haven't even complained about their cat shitting in our veggies.

Your DH needs to stop collecting junk and then making up an excuse trying to find a use for it. Your NDN has reasonable concerns which your DH is dismissing because he's determined to use the barbed wire because it was free.

Here is the nub. He loves a freebie.

Even if your dh is a cheapskate who would put saving a few quid over injuring others, you don't have to follow his lead do you OP? Do you not have a say in this? Or do you agree with him?

Yup, my DF was the same and I recognised a kindred spirit! DFs love of free stuff and hoarding tendencies were actually quite a difficult issue.

take the fact it is free out of the equation - would you go out and buy barbed wire to put on the fence, knowing that it will look horrid, and will be a risk to anyone, human or animal and will ruin your plants?

Hopefully you and DH will both say "no".

And then add in the fact your NDN has very reasonable fears about his cat getting injured. Again, ignore how you feel about the cat getting into your garden. How would you feel if you were in NDNs position (worried with good reason) and how this would make you feel if your NDNs were determined to do something that had a high chance of injuring your pet?

the barbed wire is junk. Dangerous junk. The fact is was free is irrelevant. Get him to take it off the fence and throw it away.

It's not just your DHs issue, it's also yours. What do you think?

Okay then....No, your NDN is definitely NOT being Unreasonable. You are.

And I'm really glad I don't live next door to you either.

I didn't ask if the wire was unreasonable, although I'm thinking it probably is if plants can't be grown easily. I asked if NDN was

AIBU is the place where you will often get answers to the questions you didn't ask.

Sunna - whilst I agree it is infuriating when neighbours tell you what you can and cannot do in your own garden - and believe me I know as I live adjacent to a group of holiday cottages where they don't like leaf fall in the autumn in a wooded area. This however is wrong on every level and I cringe thinking of possible injuries to animal or human. You have already fallen out with your NDN because they now believe you are completely mad.

I think it's not the best idea and I wouldn't do it. But I rarely get involved in what happens in the garden, it's been his project since he took early retirement.

I get consulted about where the patio should go, or the choosing the stone for the patio or paths, or what colour to paint the summer house or the decking. We go to garden centres and I point at what I think would look nice.

I choose where the bird feeders go and keep them full. (Hence dislike of cats).

weirdcatlady I'm very glad you don't live next door if you have cats, especially if they treat the neighbourhood as a toilet.

Nanny I'll remember that in future.