Not sure if this is unreasonable or not...

[raltheraffe]

Last week my husband went to a family party. As we have a 3 year old son I offered to stay home as his bed time is 730 pm, so husband could go out and enjoy the party.
Husband got home at midnight, by which time son and I were asleep.
Next day he asked why we did not take son to party as SIL was there with her 3 kids (aged 2, 5 and 8) and was still partying away and according to my husband, totally pissed, when he left.
I might be a bit uptight about this type of thing, and welcome genuine feedback on this, but I thought going out on the booze with 3 young kids in tow was not great parenting. SIL is married and BIL stayed home alone, so why didn't kids stay with him?

I am with the Irish contingent where children are always included in family parties . I would only take them to other parties by invitation and if I thought they would behave ok . Our family just muck in and help. They look forward to seeing the children!

I think this is a lot more to do with your relationship with your DSIL than whether or not you want to go to a family party.

People parent differently, I drink regularly (not getting 'pissed') and didn't think it was a big thing have a couple of drinks when my DS was younger but you get plenty of mumsnetters who won't drink at all if they are with their children.

We've always taken our DS to parties (if children are invited, which presumably they are to 'family' parties ) and so long as no one is driving or getting so drunk that they can't stand up I don't personally see any problem.

My husband did not drive home when drunk. He is registered blind and so unable to drive.

I was very clear in the first post that I had no idea whether it was unreasonable or not. I also put in the first post that I am pretty uptight and regimented about sleep patterns. I am not judging SIL for getting pissed at family party. If she was on the booze several times a week that would be a bit selfish, but she only drinks on rare occasions.
I used to get on well with SIL and I still think she is a nice woman, but of late I have been avoiding her because of these lectures on what a bad mum I am for working and how my poor son is disadvantaged by me working. I am one of these people who will only take a certain amount of crap before I start answering back and if I lose my cool I will no doubt give her some home truths so it is better to avoid. I think she is bloody cheeky getting on her high horse and judging me. I actually think I am teaching my son a very good lesson by working.
I should add I run my business from home (although there can be a lot of site work, today I am on site for 8 hours even though it is a Sunday), so I see a lot of him when he is not at nursery.

I should add I absolutely love running the business. It is not like work for me as I enjoy it so much, although I am not keen on the odd 5 am start.

Your SIL is not unreasonable for taking her kid to a family party and getting pissed.

You are not unreasonable for not really wanting to go/staying home & sticking to bedtime routines.

SIL is unreasonable for being rude/judgey about you running a business/not being a SAHM - but that's not what the post was asking.

We have loads of parties with the kids in the house - I don't get shitfaced when they are around but we have a few drinks without stress. The kids, their friends and cousins generally have their own party upstairs, stuff their faces with rubbish/watch a movie and are in bed later than normal... a few times when family has been staying over, kids have put themselves to bed while some of the adults (not me, I'm a lightweight) pushed on til dawn. Then we all cook a dirty breakfast and the children laugh at the hungover folks. This is only the case with very close family friends or relatives so I have no safety concerns.

Sounds to me like your issue is your husband - he seems to be implying he wants more flexibility in your parenting

actually OP you seem to have totally backed away from your original question which was I thought going out on the booze with 3 young kids in tow was not great parenting

Sounds like you feel entitled to judge her for this because she's given you a hard time for not being a SAHM. On this basis YABU.

Momagan you sound like a barrel of laughs. Why are the only options stay home or drive home really late with a drunk husband. They could have gone for an hour or two, been home by nine.

My children get grumpy and whingy if they stay up late. Not much fun for them or anyone else.

I would have taken them