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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Someone give me a mil response that won't cause utter chaos

53 replies

kiwicatastrophe · 25/10/2014 15:04

Only 13 weeks pregnant but sickness seems to be getting worse not better. usually ok but today I haven't stopped throwing up and have a massive migraine. ive spent the day so far in the bathroom whilst dp has taken care of our toddler (who I have all week).
As I'm writing this I've just got into bed and managed to put on a top but no pants :( dp said his mum wasn't very happy that I wasn't well as everyone gets sick when they are pregnant and I have to just deal with it.
Aibu to be a bit pissed off that I'm not even allowed one non functioning day when I've battled through it all the others. I was hospitalised with hg with our son so I was feeling like I was doing well this time round. Aibu or is she being a total cheeky mare?
What do I say to let her know I'm not taking the piss without offending? or aibu?

OP posts:
Bluesummer20 · 25/10/2014 16:12

I could have written this post myself! So you have my sympathies. Had several episodes of migraines over a 2 week period around the 25week mark, admitted to hospital for 2days so would contact your midwife to be on the safe side. Sick from 9weeks till 2hours before delivery so no advice there. My MIL came round day after I was discharged at 25weeks to "see how ill I really was" proceeded to sit on my sofa for 5hours and asked what I was making for tea!! I would concentrate on getting better now but please say something if you have further comments as I have bit my tongue on so many occasions and am now at the point where I cannot tolerate the woman after several incidents and it makes my skin crawl to see her holding my 2month baby. I'm preparing myself to say something next time we have the "pleasure" of her company and her sarky comments!
Get well soon

thursday · 25/10/2014 16:12

Oh god. 'Its not an illness' well it does a bloody good impression of one for some people! I'm glad he told you in a what an idiot way rather than 'my mummy says you're a skiver' way but I'd still sooner not have heard it.

ApocalypseThen · 25/10/2014 16:12

Oh she was looking forward to a few hours without him under her feet and you got the wrath. Not really on.

Badvoc123 · 25/10/2014 16:13

Oh my mum came to see me in hospital when I was hospitalised with a suspected brain bleed and berated me that Dh had put Ds to bed with damp hair!
:(
Couldn't move to smack her one as I had had a lumbar puncture :(

Badvoc123 · 25/10/2014 16:14

I honestly don't know how women cope with HG...I was only had "normal" morning sickness and that was bad enough!

Gemzybelle · 25/10/2014 16:15

When I was having DD my 'morning' sickness was so bed I was virtually housebound until I was almost 20 weeks. I would have been absolutely infuriated if MIL had said that and would have told her to get fucked. I suggest you do the same Grin

Thanks for you

ApocalypseThen · 25/10/2014 16:17

I don't know how anyone has a second child. It's hard enough having mild nausea getting on with your day (it's the relentlessness I find really difficult) but trying to care for another child must be a nightmare.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 25/10/2014 16:20

Have you contacted your midwife?
I only got Migraines when pregnant when I was very anaemic - so it may be worth getting your midwife to come and check you over and maybe check your bloods. Hope you feel better soon xx

Badvoc123 · 25/10/2014 16:21

Apocalypse...I used to drop ds1 off at school and go back to bed! :(

Penfold007 · 25/10/2014 16:21

Sounds like your 'D'H has been moaning to mummy as he's had to look after his own child for one whole day. Don't direct your anger towards MIL just rest while you can.

Want2bSupermum · 25/10/2014 16:24

First of all having a migrane might be due to you having dehydration so I would call your midwife/GP right away. It could be more serious than you think.

For the MIL I would tell your DP that if she has the time to comment she has the time to help you guys out. I had horrible morning sickness with my first and much less with my 2nd, in part I believe, because I wasn't working 60hrs a week. I would also tell your DP that the only comment you want to hear from your MIL is offers for helping you our during the week when you are looking after her grandchild while puking all day long.

Seriously though - call for medical help. I went in for a drip and while I continued to throw up I felt a lot better while doing it and didn't get anymore headaches/migranes.

loopylou9 · 25/10/2014 16:31

What a total cow!
Do you think a slap would cause chaos? Because thats what she deserves

angeltreats · 25/10/2014 16:32

Jesus. Shocking.

When I was about 9 weeks pregnant my PIL came to visit. They knew I was pregnant. I suffered from chronic exhaustion until I was about 24 weeks but at the very start it was horrendous to the point that I'd fall asleep standing up or mid-sentence, and also terrible nausea although I was never sick. While they were there I just wasn't up to much at all other than lying on the sofa and dozing occasionally. MIL took herself into the kitchen and made dinner for everyone without complaint, kept up the tea supplies and sent me off to bed when I couldn't stay awake any longer. On Easter Sunday they all went off for Sunday lunch and left me at home to sleep, as I couldn't face the thought of food, and nobody made me feel guilty for not going along. When they got home (they live 300 miles away) she checked in with me regularly to see how I was doing. When the SPD kicked in at 31 weeks she was very sympathetic and remembers when I've had an appointment with midwife/physio/whatever and asks how I got on and nags me to take it easy.

This is how I would expect a half decent human being to behave. Not to pick holes in a pregnant woman suffering not only from sickness but also migraine (I'm an occasional sufferer and know how debilitating it is). You need to have a go at your husband for being unsupportive and not sticking up for you, and he needs to have a go at his mother and tell her in no uncertain terms to wind her neck in.

Alisvolatpropiis · 25/10/2014 17:18

What a delight she sounds op.

I feel your pain. I'm a bit earlier on than you and feel like death. I keep it together at work but at home all bets are off.

It isn't an illness but I still feel like shit!

ChillingGrinBloodLover · 25/10/2014 17:38

If your DH is being supportive and had the 'she's an idiot' attitude then he's alright by me :) Just ignore the stupid mare, she's not worth the headspace!

Fingers crossed it all goes away and you can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

mommy2ash · 25/10/2014 19:22

it sounds more like a passive aggressive dig from your dh than a problem with your mil. why would she be unhappy you had to rest and even if she was why didn't your dh cut her off and tell her you needed to rest and he is more than capable of caring for his child for the day.

FeckTheMagicDragon · 25/10/2014 19:29

Pleased your DH is being supportive. And for what its worth I was one of those annoying people who sailed through pregnancy, and my DCs are now grown up, so it was years ago.

And I STILL have enough empathy and intelligence to understand that what's happening to you is horrible and debilitating.

So, yes, shes needs a verbal slap. From your DH. hope you start to feel better soon Flowers

blanketyblank100 · 25/10/2014 20:27

Nasty husband! He shouldn't be repeating this sort of thing and it is definitely HIM who needs to go back and give your MIL the line. 'I won't tolerate you criticising kiwi' would be good.

Purplepoodle · 25/10/2014 20:56

Meh ignore. Unless mil had horrendous morning sickness she won't understand

WellWhoKnew · 25/10/2014 21:11

MIL:

You: I think you must have had a relatively easy pregnancy (ies)

MIL: Oh, no I didn't...blah blah blah.

You: Well, they say 'time heals' I guess you're that example. In the meantime I'm suffering...

MIL: Well you just need to...

You: Get to the birth and hope that time heals?

JennyBlueWren · 25/10/2014 22:20

Sympathies!
My MIL is generally fine and my pregnancy hasn't been as bad as yours. I've been suffering with really bad indigestion and heartburn though and need to eat little amounts and certain things and times to avoid it. She however felt better in her second trimester than she felt before she was pregnant -as she keeps telling me!
We have a general policy of not telling her if we're ill as we know we won't really be or will get some other good advice.

Picklewickle · 25/10/2014 22:28

Ugh, sounds like my mum. I was signed off for several weeks with exhaustion, no doubt made worse by looking after my toddler half the week and working the rest. My mum chose this point in my life to point out that she had never had a single day off sick when she was pg with me.

She completely failed to remember that she was a teacher who had 6 weeks' holiday in her first 15 weeks, and only worked until about 25 weeks anyway! She honestly thought the only difference between her situation and mine was that she was a better, more stalwart human being than I was. Grrrrr!

Infinity8 · 25/10/2014 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VikingLady · 26/10/2014 03:07

If you have to see her or FIL whilst you still have ms, can you throw up on their legs?

Bet they'll believe you then.

Summergarden · 26/10/2014 06:34

YaNub.

I had horrendous sickness with dc1, but with dc2 spoke to GP who was happy to prescribe anti sickness pills. The difference they made to my quality of life over the next weeks was incredible. Ime midwives are a bit blasé about sickness, just see it as something inevitable, but gps are more sensitive and willing to help. Try to speak to yours on the phone to see if they can help.