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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

hate my job but can't leave, aibu to feel stuck and utterly fed up?

45 replies

greygeese · 24/10/2014 20:58

I'm lucky in some respects to have a job which is moderately well paid. But its shit. I have to go in early and work late (til 7pm tonight). There is no possibility of working from home, and flexible working is only permitted in exceptional circs, and on condition you reduce your hours to 80% or less. I'd like to compress my hours but apparently that won't be agreed as hr policy is only to pay a max of 32 hours over 4 days. I can't survive financially on 80%. So that's out.

I have tried to find another job. I'm a v senior lawyer in a very narrow (but in legal terms incredibly poorly paid) field. There are no jobs out there at my level or anywhere near. My current role is more training and development (in a legal setting) but there's nothing in that area either.

I am so sick of my job. I haven't always liked my work, but the good has outweighed the bad. At present I go in every day at 8 praying for it to be 5, 6 or whatever time I manage to escape. At weekends I feel crap, i can't enjoy myself because on Mon it's back to work.

I'd leave tomorrow but i have a huge mortgage to pay (and cant move because of schools and other reasons). I probably just have to suck it up don't i? :(

OP posts:
Bearbehind · 24/10/2014 21:03

Could you do something else on a comparable salary?

Working from 8 until 5, 6 or even 7 isn't really unreasonable and if it is for an above average salary you might just have to suck it up.

notagainffffffffs · 24/10/2014 21:12

Is wotking in another legal field a complete no go?There are always options!

Original poster
greygeese · 24/10/2014 21:15

My skills aren't particularly transferable to a non legal setting. I could probably find a job somewhere for 20-30k but I couldn't manage financially on that.

I've always been able to stick fairly closely to my hours because I'm able to work much quicker than other people. In my current role most of my day consists of meetings and ad hoc top urgent tasks being delegated to me. I was stuck at work til 7 because I had a document to set up for weekend workers, but that was dependant on another doc our analyst couldn't send through til 3M. Which I couldn't action til 5.30 as I was stuck in meetings til then having already had another 4 hours of meetings earlier in the day. And had no lunch break (that's fairly standard). It's just awful working for people who are so disorganised.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 24/10/2014 21:17

There isn't a cheaper property you can buy, partner can't earn more, reduce your monthly mortgage payments?

Any outside the box thinking...

Have you looked at exactly what you spend on your money on to see where you could make any savings to make 80% doable?

Original poster
greygeese · 24/10/2014 21:27

I've worked in the same narrow legal field for 18 years. After so long it would be almost impossible to transfer, law firms just wouldn't consider it, or if they did I'd have to take a massive salary drop.

Thing is, I actually like my area of law. I just hate my current job, and there just seems zero chance of finding another role. Tbh I'd take anything to get out of this role, I'm just stuck because of my earning level.

OP posts:
Bearbehind · 24/10/2014 21:27

Sorry to be harsh OP but I don't think you're going to get much sympathy moaning about not being able stoop so low as to earn £20-30k per year for working 8 until, at worse, 7.

Many people do that just to put food on the table and can't reduce their cost of living any more- I suspect you could if you had to.

Original poster
greygeese · 24/10/2014 21:32

I'm a lone parent. My mortgage is nearly 2/3 my net salary. I could economise but I don't spend much as it is, I think trying to save 80% would just leave me broke.

I can't sell my house for a number of reasons (which include my ex still being on the mortgage because I cant afford £10k to take him to court, etc) but in this area there's not much cheaper anyway, so I am pretty stuck housewise.

OP posts:
Bearbehind · 24/10/2014 21:36

but in this area there's not much cheaper anyway

But the point is if you took a drop in salary you'd have to move to do it- it might not be your first choice but it's unlikely to be impossible.

Original poster
greygeese · 24/10/2014 21:37

It's nothing to do with stooping so low.

If I earned 30k a year I couldn't pay my mortgage.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 24/10/2014 21:43

How many dc do you have, do you all have your own bedrooms?

It may not be nice to seriously downsize your flat/house but it could be an option - cheaper running costs too.

JellyQuivvers · 24/10/2014 21:45

You're not BU at all.....there's nothing shittier than working in a job that you hate. Sorry, nothing constructive to offer, just wanted to sympathise

notagainffffffffs · 24/10/2014 21:47

Could you release equity on the house for the 10 k? A loan? There is always a way but you have to get the pity party over with and get up tomorrow with a fresh outlook

Original poster
greygeese · 24/10/2014 21:48

2 dc. It's a big house but not worth much comparably, if sold I could only afford a 2 bed flat locally (once I'd paid thousands to take my ex to court). My Dc have lived here almost their entire lives, if it was a choice between staying in this terrible job and moving to a tiny flat, I'll just have to keep on with the job. It wouldn't be fair on my DC.

OP posts:
Iggly · 24/10/2014 21:49

You could move then offer to pay your ex with any profit. What does he get by you staying put?

You could move for schools. The world wouldn't end!

RandomMess · 24/10/2014 21:54

Is he still contributing to the mortgage? If not and you stop paying it then he will see his investment disappear too?

Is he actually paying maintenance?

Bearbehind · 24/10/2014 22:00

If the OP is a lawyer then not paying the mortgage isn't going to be an option, it will have far reaching repercussions for her career.

Seriously OP, if you really really hate your job then there are options but I'm guessing the downside to those options will outweigh the downsides in your job so try looking for ways to make the best of it.

Seabright · 24/10/2014 22:00

Am in very similar position. I love my house, it gives us all so much pleasure, so I understand why you might not want to sell.

Original poster
greygeese · 24/10/2014 22:07

He doesn't pay mortgage, has never paid maintenance. He won't agree anything re the house, the only way I could conclude it is go to court (and as well as the costs, there's the risk of an adverse financial resolution which could, worst case, leave me much worse off than now) Ex doesn't want to buy a house of his own, so being on this mortgage doesn't matter to him.

My dc are in yr 10 and 12, it would be a very bad time to move their schools. Especially as the eldest only moved in Sept to a new school for 6th form.

I think all I can do is keep looking for a role in my field, but there is so little around. I checked the legal websites a couple of weeks ago. One job in my field (I sent my cv to the agents, never heard back).

OP posts:
Kahlua4me · 24/10/2014 22:10

Could you get lodger? That might elp to meet te mortgage and reduce your hours.

ihatethecold · 24/10/2014 22:13

It's a depressing thought that even a lawyer cant get her exdp to pay maintenance.
Angry
Have you tried linked in op?

ClashCityRocker · 24/10/2014 22:14

Is there any scope for a sidewise move within the firm which will make you more appealable to the job market as a whole?

NoMarymary · 24/10/2014 22:19

Lodger sounds a good idea but apart from that (and keeping your ear to the ground) I think you are stuck for the moment Sad

All I can suggest is taking some kind of meditation/yoga type hobby so that you can at least mentally bear it.

I hated my last job so much that going into work was physically painful and the smell of the building made me feel sick.

I did used to give myself little treats throughout the day like expensive latte coffees or a couple of nice biscuits. Even though I was only part time it was excruciating. Full time would have had me basket weaving.

Original poster
greygeese · 24/10/2014 22:19

I'm really struggling working in an office where people are quite unhappy, and the ones I am working for so disorganised. They bombard me with ad hoc tasks and meetings. Saying no isn't an option. It's a horrible atmosphere (and I've worked in some pretty bad places but this is the first one where I've been shouted at, spoken to by less qualified people like I'm an idiot and no-one cares.

The last 6 months I've just thought about the money. That really is the only positive.

OP posts:
Bearbehind · 24/10/2014 22:23

How much do you earn OP? Even though you say it's shite I'm guessing it's £50k plus.

A lot of people put up with crap jobs for a lot less.

Your kids will be off to uni or leaving home soon- can you really not just suck it up for now?

Original poster
greygeese · 24/10/2014 22:23

I sideways moved into this role (to avoid redundancy) 2 years ago. It was fine for the first year when I had different managers. This year it's gone from bad to worse.

I couldn't have a lodger because our spare room isn't in a habitable state. It will be once I have the time and money to sort it out but that's prob a year away.

OP posts: