AIBU to mind what my neighbour just said to me

[lisson]

She just called it "racism" that my Y6 child will get into the better local (faith) school whereas her son won't. Her son will most likely go to the good (but not outstanding) local non-denomination comprehensive.

We are both white British (so same race afaik) but I go to a catholic church with my children sometimes and she's either CofE or nothing (I'm not sure and I don't care). The best local secondary is catholic and its heavily over subscribed.

I already knew it was a touchy subject with her (because she lectured me about it a long time ago and didn't speak to me for six months), so i always avoid talking to her about it. However, she saw me this morning and brought the subject up. Alarm bells started ringing in my head but she wouldn't let it go until she'd told me what she thought of the "racism".

I think she left quite annoyed because I pointed out that her son currently goes to a CofE primary and it gives preference in its admissions to CofE church attendees.

I get it that she'd like to send her son to the better school, but if she cares that much, then she has had several years to either convert (many do) or move somewhere that she likes the school choices better. I've certainly had to jump through hoops to get into this school, which is heavily subsidised by the diocese. I thought it best not to say that though!

Generally, she comes across as sane and well-balanced but on this subject she's very wrong to have a go at me about it.

She is an idiot.

It's nothing like racism.

Religion is a choice

Race isn't.

This whole thing where parents cozy up to and schmooze their local church, 'jump through hoops' and generally abandon their principles (honesty etc) for a school place seems at best cutthroat, pitting parents against eachother, and at worst seedy - the lengths parents go to is shocking from what I've read on MN over the years

See now we did none of that, I was Catholic anyway but DH didn't have to convert. Having them baptised was as simple as having a word with the Father and showing up on a Sunday.
None of us were church goers before the kids started at the school, I did show my face in church occasionally to support them but that was it. Maybe our area isn't as strict?

At the end of the day I wanted them to decide, just because their Dad and I felt it was a load of piffle didn't mean they had to feel the same. As it transpired they did.

KneeQuestion They have exactly the same standing in (English) Law.

That's not really the point though lisson The point is that you have a choice about where to send your dc and she doesn't. Because of religious preference. It's deeply unfair (but not your problem).

Neither your race or your parent's religious beliefs are a choice for a child Knee

The only thing I would say is that parents in our town go to extraordinary lengths to get their Dc into the school e.g. convert to a religion that they don't seem to believe in which means endless classes at the church and talks with the priest. You'd either have to have a brass neck to do that, or be incredibly devoted to your child's education (or both).

I guess that if you would go to those lengths to get your child into a particular school, then you are also going to make sure they take their studies seriously once they are there. There certainly is zero tolerance for anyone messing about in class. Maybe that's why the school gets such good results?? Nothing to do with being catholic.

Of course it's not racism and whatever resentment she has towards the schools' admissions system she's really out of order to be taking it out on you. I do think the whole state faith school system is divisive and discriminatory though. People shouldn't have to 'jump through hoops' to get their kids into a good school and the fact that people do 'convert' to get into a school shows how ridiculous the system is.

Yes Steeleye, they are both protected characteristics, but this isn't about someone being discriminated because of their religion, this is about so called discrimination due to lack of religion.

It's a nonsense.

See how divisive this system is? And that's just among us parents! It needs to change.

It's not racism but it is discrimination and there should be no place for such schools....even if they are 'subsidised' by the churches. It's so cruel that children are excluded from attending some state schools based on their parents religion or faked religion

However it is very rude of your nieghbour to bring this up with you. She sounds horrible. I'd ignore her forever

Knee that last comment of yours is just so ridiculous it doesn't even warrant engaging with.

Why a brass neck? The systems patently unfair, why shouldn't people try and subvert it?

The OPs neighbour has/has the choice to be a catholic or not, she choses not to, so she can't complain about not being able to [easily] get her child a place in a catholic school.

Really Steeleye?

I think iit is a fair summary of the situation.

The bottom line though, for me, is that its not acceptable for her to take her frustrations out on me.

And I know I didn't do anything to invite her to, because I was wary when she changed the subject to talk about school admissions, given her previous outburst a couple of years ago. Back then, we had a sort of loose friendship but after the first outburst (to which i did not say anything), she started either glaring at me or ignoring me in the street for the next few months.

This time there is no friend to lose, but I am beginning to think she's got a problem.

Of course she can complain (just not to the OP). Why should we accept such rubbish?

BarbarianMum - brass neck because it means lots of in depth searching questions and discussions about your spirituality over several months. Either you answer honestly, in which case it helps enormously to believe what you are saying, or you lie to his face time and time again to convince the priest that you are ready.

Yes, it is perfectly acceptable for her to take her frustrations out on you!

If you collude with a discriminatory system you can expect to feel the consequences. Your neighbour's comment is the consequence.

If you are not happy with the consequences of your choices, make different ones.

SteeleyeSpanx - are you my neighbour by any chance?

If you are not happy with the consequences of your choices, make different ones

I would say that to the neighbour.

And so? If the church (or mosque or synagogue) has a problem with being lied to the perhaps they shouldn't descriminate so people have to. Or they could fully and privately fund their faith schools and make people walk through burning coals to prove their faith before educating their children. Either would be fine.

Yes, it is perfectly acceptable for her to take her frustrations out on you!
If you collude with a discriminatory system you can expect to feel the consequences. Your neighbour's comment is the consequence.

It's the height of hypocrisy though, given the neighbour sends her son to a faith primary school. Is is only wrong when the neighbour loses out, but ok otherwise? That seems to be her position.

Knee I do get that you are of the opinion that religion is a choice.

Our democratically elected representatives in Parliament (thankfully) disagree with you and have passed legislation that ensures that the law also disagrees with you.

Really though, feel free to maintain your opinion

No one likes being lied to, but my point was not whether they are right or wrong to convert when they don't believe, merely that it takes brass neck to be able to do it.

If i lived in a town where the only choice was a series of schools I didn't want for my child or a C of E school that I couldn't get into, then I'd move. Actually I DID move...!

Abbie I do see your point, but IMO two wrongs don't make a right.