To move out with my DS or am I being too sensitive?

[Spoonme]

Hello all, I am considering moving in with my parents for a few days to get some distance between myself and my husband. The straw broke the camels back yesterday but it does seem a menial excuse for wanting to go so I wanted to ask am I being unreasonable?

So DH has been stressed for the last few days, he just generally seems to not enjoy family life. He gets very frustrated very quickly and does not enjoy the toys and if anything is not in it's place. He has also been a bit stressed lately about work. He just seems a draining presence to be around, it is making me miserable and DS is picking up on these mood swings too.

He has plenty of free time to see friends, go to gym, has hobbies so it isn't like he is deprived of having time to himself. He has more time out than I do.

I will give you a snapshot of the last few days:

I spilt some hot tea on my lap and DH tutted. I said I would expect more sympathy than that and he told me to piss off.

I made dinner and we were going to sit down to eat. There was a small pile of books on the table and some toys neatly lined up in the sitting room. DH was in a rage at the 'mess' and took his plate to eat in the bedroom. He said he 'couldn't even live in his own house'. He then shouted at DS who cried, and asked, 'why is daddy not happy, why is he shouting at me, I'm a kind boy?' DS, aged 3 then urged me to shout back at DH. Of course, I told him his moods were unacceptable and was met with silence. Then DS went to see DH in sitting room and I followed him in moments later and they were having a cuddle. DH glared at me. DS said, it's ok, daddy is in a nice mood now mummy.

I just thought that was really sad that my son is now aware and tiptoeing. I'm so angry, and numb I don't even care to shout as I'm so used to these outbursts.

Aibu to move in with my parents for a few days?

I think you should stick to your original plan, show him you mean what you say and aren't giving empty threats

Go to your mums for a few days with DS, tell DH exactly why you're going and that you need some space from him behavior

While you're there speak to a solicitor about the prenup arrangement

Oh, and if DH complained to me about mess etc I'd tell him if it bothered him so much to sort it out himself and ask him why he thought it was just my problem/responsibility

Ring-fencing money he got I presume in a settlement before the marriage is understandable in these circumstances. Having a situation where you can't save and he has sole possession of the house you live in is not.

He also has more free time than you. He also believes that cleaning and tidying his house is your job.

I'm glad things have settled down for now. For the future, please do get yourself in a better, more independent place.

"The agreement does not leave me entitled to nothing, but I would feel morally wrong accepting any of it because it is put aside for his future medical expenses."
The agreement was made before DS was in this world. Now that he is here, it would be sensible for you and your husband to sit down and look at how his future needs are being addressed. And I think you need to put aside the notion of 'morally wrong' here. There are competing needs here, and your son's need to be considered on a par with his father's. Nor should your needs be completely ignored.

No way would my dd say something like 'shout at daddy, mummy' and if she did, she would be gently told it wasn't acceptable.

I think the ops DS is exacerbating the situation. Obviously he doesn't know he is - he's 3 - but the adults in his life need to gently guide him towards what's acceptable.

apple maybe the adults in his life should be setting him a good example and not shouting in fromof him.

In no way shape or form can a three year old be making this worse.

If his dad is shouting at his mum why isn't the three year old allowed to suggest it? Monkey see monkey do...

I would be taking some time away from him, it might make him realise what an arse he is being.
At 3 years old your DS is getting more aware of what is happening around him and picking up and the atmosphere around the house, it must be equally as confusing for him as it is you.

It is really shocking that some people are blaming a three year old for the atmosphere. Telling tou to piss off is so unacceptable and disrespectful.

I'm glad that you feel you have a bit more power in the relationship now and I hope you do follow that up with gaining more financial power by not making all your money joint. Don't let things slip again.