In thinking this is beyond the usual name calling?

[ChameleonCircuit]

DD has just started secondary school. She is a sensitive type and gets upset easily, so I have been trying to be very "hands off" this year, just telling her she needs to ignore the minor stuff and report any bigger stuff herself. However, yesterday, a boy was being generally awful to her and ended up being given a detention because he wouldn't give up in class. After that, she says he said "fuck off, bitch" and "suck my dick". It worries me that if he's using that sort of terminology and attitude now, where does it go from here? Would I be unreasonable to contact school about it?

Nobody's denying that standing up for oneself is very important in life. It is. What's more important in THIS scenario is that this boy is taught FAST that if he goes about saying "suck my cock" to random females, he will get in BIG trouble.

We have authority for a reason. Because not everyone is capable of standing up for themselves all the time and why the fuck SHOULD THEY? Firls should not HAVE to deal with this shit in school.

No one is suggesting that they should. I'm suggesting (without the need to shout) that this girl be taught to stand up for herself alongside the punishment coming from the school, because IMHO to purely rely on school would disempower this girl further.

Whatever.

Way to kill a thread, ClapHands

Agree that it is a 2-pronged attitude required.

Your daughter should speak to her form teacher/head of year herself - you should stay out of it as much as poss, whilst letting your daughter know you are 100% on her side and will get involved if and when she wants/needs you to.

She also needs help to be more confident/assertive if she is struggling with being sensitive to things.

YANBU, I would definitely speak to the school. They need to know what was said and come down hard on the boy concerned.

When I was at school, this - and much worse - was seen as normal.

I would hope schools would take a more enlightened attitude these days. I would definitely tencourage her to complain via the bullying policy in the school if possible, since this joins together the sexism she is sadly enduring with an established issue where there will be a set of procedures that have to be followed.

Even if the school doesn't do anything, you send a message to your daughter that such behaviour is not OK and that she doesn't have to put up with it!

I think children should be taught to stand up for them selfs BUT she is in school when this is happening so she should report him. The school is there to deal with these issues. It shouldnt be left to an 11 year old girl to deal with someone telling her to suck his dick.

On the street, out playing yes, there are things she could do to stick up for herself. But in school she shouldn't need to.

Thank you all. I've asked school for the form teacher's email address, and will be sending a mail once I have it. However, apparently, yesterday the child in question was giving her more grief, the FT hauled him out and he was gone for almost two lessons. Hopefully he'll decide it's too much trouble to tangle with her. Still want confirmation from school that the matter is in hand, though.