Would you take offence at the things this friend says?

[cheeseandfickle]

My friend is always quite critical of me. She can't say anything nice about me, it seems. Everything is, as she puts it, constructive criticism. It's generally unasked-for, and is about everything from the clubs my children do after school, to the clothes that I wear,

By contrast, she always has nice, gushy things to say about mutual friends, and is always talking about how cute their children are, how nice our mutual friends look, how nice their houses are, and all kinds of other things.

We went shopping together yesterday and whenever I looked at any items of clothing she said things like 'Oh no, you couldn't get away with that', or 'Hmmm, that's not very you. Now Sarah (mutual friend) could pull that off, but then she has the looks and height for that kind of thing".

I have also recently lost a couple of stone in weight, and when I reached my target weight and told my friend she laughed loudly and said she thought I was nowhere near my target weight yet!

Each time I've said to her that her comments are rude, or have showed any kind of displeasure at what she has said, she accuses me of being oversensitive and hard work.

Am I being oversensitive? I thought friends were meant to make you feel better about yourself, not worse?!

YADBU, friends don't behave like that. What do you get out of the friendship because I'd be tempted to let this one go

Sorry, YADNBU!

Dump her she is a bitch

She is not a friend. She is someone you know who makes you feel shifty.

So why do you describe this woman as your friend? She doesn't sound like one to me!

Shitty not shifty, Ffs!

I think you should distance yourself from this "friend".

Usually when a person behaves like this is due to some sort of jelousy. Has it become worse since you lost the weight? Are you more financially secure or in a better relationship? Anyway she doesn't sound very nice.

She sounds dreadful, I've no idea why some people feel the need to put others down. Perhaps she speaks gushingly of you to other friends?

It can be difficult to challenge this type of behaviour but it doesn't sound as if she adds much to your life, if anything. Is she a friend in other ways?

I think you are being undersensitive, and I don't know how you've tolerated her for this long! This woman is not your friend.

This woman is not someone I would choose to be around. You don't need anyone in your life who's bringing you down. I would disentangle yourself from this relationship .

She sounds like a vile cow! What she is doing is nasty and I'm sure it is deliberate. Honestly, she sounds like an emotional abuser.

I really think you need to cut her off.

YANBU

I would definitely take a step or two away from this "friend". She really doesn't sound very nice at all. Find a better friend

There is a difference between 'constructive criticism' and just being plain rude. She sounds like the sort who likes to say, " I say it like it is" or, "You know me, I call a shovel a shovel".

I'd be interested to know, she can dish it out, can she take it?

Get rid, get rid, get rid.

She may think she's your friend, but she's not. She feels threatened by you and is trying to make herself feel better. Find a new and better friend.

I think there are various things that she could well be jealous about. My DH says that he thinks she sounds jealous, too.

YADNBU

With friends like this, who needs enemies? As PP said, perhaps she is complimentary about you to other people, when she's being a cow to their faces, but I think this is clutching at straws.

What happens in situations when she is with more than one of her friends? Is she consistent with who she puts down, or do you each take a turn at being verbally pulled apart?

She definitely sounds like one I'd be letting go.

Sounds like she's unhappy with your weight loss, and is used to using you to make her feel better about herself. Don't let her do this.

It's your choice, but I would phase her out slowly til you're not spending time with her.
Or... try using that mumsnet staple - 'did you mean to be so rude' every time she makes a comment. If she calls you oversensitive, just say 'ah, another insult, you're really on a roll today insert shitty friends name'.

Dump her, she's no friend of yours. She's using you to make herself feel better about herself.
Mind you, chances are she may do the same to other "friends" when she's alone with them too - but either way, YOU don't have to put up with it, so sack her off. :)

Agree she sounds awful. Get rid.

She's behaving like a twat. The key word in your OP is 'unasked for'.

Ditch her and hang out with nicer people.

She sounds vile. I would ditch her...sharpish.

oh my God , that's not a friendship

please distance yourself from her

congratulations over your weight loss btw

Thats not a friend. Thats a frenemy. Get rid.

She's using you to feed her own ego.

She puts you down = she feels better about herself.

Pretty sure this comes under narcissistic supply.

Ditch her.