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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell ds (5) how babies are made?

41 replies

Lovedmywildway · 22/10/2014 11:33

They are doing the topic 'ourselves' at school which has caused ds to ask lots of questions about how babies are made. He had a vague idea anyway but I've told him the truth when he's outright asked me. I don't think it's anything to be embarassed about and I want him to be open about things like this so that he doesn't think it's something that can't be discussed. I've glossed over the actual sex part and he hasn't pushed me for details. I've told him that two people who love each other decide to have a baby. The daddy has a penis with a seed called a sperm and the mommy has an egg called an ova. The seed goes into the egg and the baby grows in the Mommy's womb.

However apparently because of the topic apparently the children have been discussing amongst themselves how babies are made. They've even had a baby come into class so it's not surprising.
Ds told me that one little girl said she knew how babies were made - the daddy just gives the mommy a special hug.
Ds told her that wasn't right and proceeded to enlighten her.

Mother of little girl caught me on playground and asked if I knew what ds had been saying. She didnt think it was appropriate. I don't think ds has been going round telling everyone, I think it's just because they were talking about it and he just shared what he knew. Much like he would about any other topic. He's not showy offy or anything, he doesn't see it as being different from anything else he knows. They are year 1 by the way, but reception.

Anyway, Aibu to tell ds the truth about how babies are made? I want him to feel like it's natural and normal (which it is) and to respect women and their choices when he's older.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 22/10/2014 11:36

YANBU

But I wouldn't pay it another thought.

It's like the whole santa thing, you can't stop kids from talking.

ilovepowerhoop · 22/10/2014 11:37

I don't think you are unreasonable as you have told him information at an age appropriate level.

leedy · 22/10/2014 11:37

YANBU at all - I actually remember asking my mum at around the same age (while she was folding laundry!) and she gave me matter of fact answers to my third degree grilling ("Why does look like daddy? How did the seed get in there?" etc. etc.). Like your DS I didn't see it as being different from anything else I knew, and was kind of bemused when a lot of other kids were being all giggly about "the facts of life" and how it was "rude" in the playground. DS1 (nearly 5) hasn't asked such detailed questions yet, but if he does I'll give him the same sort of answers.

CromerSutra · 22/10/2014 11:39

Yanbu. It's up to the other mother what she tells her children but what you told you son is totally true and age appropriate. I told my DD the same when she was in YR. Silly of her to come and tell you off for it.

runningonwillpower · 22/10/2014 11:54

Parents will always disagree about what is age appropriate.

Sounds silly in the context but my immediate reaction was the same as WorraLiberty - some folks do Santa, some don't but you can't blame the child who knows the facts if he talks about them.

You can only do and say what seems right for your child at the time and topic.

Neither you nor your child did anything wrong.

(PS. This just exemplifies the old adage of 'learned it in the playground' Some children know stuff ahead of the others and they share that knowledge. My son learned the facts of life from Sean. When he checked those facts with me, turns out that Sean pretty much knew his stuff.)

Lottapianos · 22/10/2014 11:58

YANBU at all. Like you say, its nothing to be embarrassed about and you told your son the facts in an appropriate way for his age. Not all parents are as enlightened as you, which is a shame, but it doesn't mean you should refuse to answer your son's questions to spare their blushes.

littlehayleyc · 22/10/2014 12:01

YANBU my children (7 and 4) recently got very curious about how babies are made etc. We got a really good book from the library and we read it quite a lot over a few weeks, and had lots of discussion about it. It was age appropriate for both of them. If other parents want to keep their children in the dark then that's up to them, but they are unreasonable to expect everyone else to do the same.

millymae · 22/10/2014 12:03

Ignore her OP, YANBU. The little girl was not wrong in what she said, you just gave your son a little more detail and that's fine. What you said was absolutely truthful at an age appropriate level and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

WooWooOwl · 22/10/2014 12:03

YANBU, I took pretty much the same approach as you, and have carried it on now that my dc are older.

Were talking about how babies are made here, not gang rape or prostitution. It's not something that small children need to be protected from, making babies is a nice thing!

AMumInScotland · 22/10/2014 12:05

YANBU. And for what it's worth I totally hate the term "special hug" as a euphemism for sex.

Adults hug children.
Adults only make babies with other adults.
If children know what happens when adults make babies, they won't mistake it for any kind of hug, special or otherwise.

Idontseeanysontarans · 22/10/2014 12:06

YANBU I would have rather DS learnt the truth than the way he actually did!
Before we talked to him about it the older brother of one of his friends gave them a rather interesting lesson in biology one playtime and basically made the whole thing out to be slightly more gruesome than a horror story .
Untangling that one took a bit of time and the upshot was that his Sister learnt the actual facts a lot younger than he did!

Idontseeanysontarans · 22/10/2014 12:08

Oh and talking to him about it at that age would have avoided the whole 'Mum what's a vagina?' Conversation we had in a very full playground...

Aliennation · 22/10/2014 12:11

You've done well getting to 5 without having to explain it. I had to tell ds when he was 3, I obviously didn't do a very good job of explaining how the the sperm got to the egg though as he very publicly asked what the man's seed tasted like when you swallow it Shock.

Bambamb · 22/10/2014 12:18

YANBU.
My 5 year old recently asked me how babies come out of mummy's tummies (probably prompted by the relatively recent arrival of his baby sister).
I told him, he said Oh! And that was it. When he asks for more details like your child has done, I'll tell him in the way you did. Perfect explanation on a childs level in my opinion.

MaidOfStars · 22/10/2014 12:25

I don't think you have been unreasonable - what you explained is perfect at this stage - and I agree with ^ that using the euphemism "hug" could be problematic when trying to define appropriate boundaries/avoiding confusion.

he very publicly asked what the man's seed tasted like when you swallow it

Grin

A slight tangent: how would you recommend replying to someone else's five year old, when they ask questions like this?

pippop1 · 22/10/2014 12:30

I'd say: the seed goes into the special baby-making hole that brush grown up ladies have.

pippop1 · 22/10/2014 12:31

Whoops! Delete the word brush please!

TeamScotland · 22/10/2014 12:31

I told my five year old at the same time as my nine year old. My 9 year old had asked and it seemed silly to send the 5 year old out of the room.

We do call the act "a special kiss" but they are aware it is the same as "having sex". I couldn't think of a word for shagging that was appropriate for young ears. At this stage I'm keeping it as a loving act between couples rather than info about FWBs and ONSs etc.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 22/10/2014 12:37

YANBU, I've never not known.

My favourite toddler word was "Why" and I have a very straight talking DDad, who doesn't beat about the bush or do fairy tales.

Consequently I was told the facts of life as a toddler and about the non existence of God, ghosts, fairies and Father Christmas too. Although DM did still give us tooth 'fairy' money.

Nearest he ever got to fudging an issue was waiting until I was in the car to answer the question
"What's a prostitute, Daddy". We'd been watching the news at my GP's

Lottapianos · 22/10/2014 12:39

'A slight tangent: how would you recommend replying to someone else's five year old, when they ask questions like this?'

Someone else's 5 year old - 'ask your mummy/daddy about that later'

Your own 5 year old - 'lets talk about that when we get home' and hope they forget Smile

I think you should all be proud of being so open with your children from a young age. My mother didn't tell me about sex and periods until I was 10, and warned me not to breathe a word of it to my sister, who was only 18 months younger. Well I was bursting with all this new information and desperate to share it, so I told her, my dad overheard and I got an almightly bollocking from my mother. It all added a lot of shame and unnecessary mystery to something that should have been straightforward.

mumwithanipad · 22/10/2014 12:40

YANBU. I always said that'd I'd tell my dd the truth when the time came, she was around the same age when she first asked and I think I said more or less the same as the OP and as the last few years have gone by I've just answered any questions she asked honestly along with appropriate books and websites for anything I couldn't explain properly, she's year five now and there's not a lot she isn't aware of, I have to admit I do feel a bit embarassed but I try not to show it, her body started changing a year or so ago and she was prepared and knew what the hairs meant which in turn meant it didn't turn into big deal or cause of stress for her, I'd much rather she had factual age appropriate info than learn it from her peers.

Her class recently learnt some biology, may not gave been formal as teacher has just returned from maternity leave and dd said they were talking about that. She has told me some the things her class mates said including, if you are a good person and wish really hard you get pregnant, penis is a swear word and the teacher will be in trouble for saying it along with the stalk story.

The saddest is a boy being devastated a on discovering the family dog isn't his sister and that his mother didn't actually give birth to it, mum was furious with teacher for telling him this and is actively pushing for her to be dismissed. This isn't rumour the mother directly told me, I always knew she classed the dog as family, I get a separate Xmas card from the dog and it's one of many examples of her humanising the dog (giving it anti depressants when it acts sad, it has meals at at the table before her husband and son, the list goes on and on) but I didn't think it was to this degree.

My Daughter has said she never corrects people (some adults have silly things around her too) when she hears them say wrong things because she doesn't want to upset or embarrass them. Some friends and family think I'm wrong and that 9 is too young to know anything about sex and puberty etc but I shrug it off, each parent knows their child best.

MinionDave · 22/10/2014 12:41

I explained about periods to my 8 year old DD, and a few of my friends (who have girls the same age) were shocked, saying she is still too young for that talk.

I don't think so at all, she could technically start her periods within the next year or so (unlikely) but still better to be prepared and armed with the knowledge IMO.

cailindana · 22/10/2014 12:48

"special baby making hole"? It's a vagina. And small girls have them too. Just so you know Hmm

Meglet · 22/10/2014 12:48

Yanbu. I told mine at that age, I think it's easier than glossing over the facts.

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