To wonder what the key is to extreme popularity?

[HHacienda]

I don't feel like a very popular person. I have friends but always feel like they don't really like me that much, and that I'm left on the sidelines. I feel like this in every group of friendship that I am part of.

I know a few people that are super popular. They just seem to have everyone wanting to spend time with them, asking them to meet up or go on nights out, and wanting to know everything about them.

I am always the person that is just there, invited along to make up the numbers, and someone that no one really wants to know anything about.

Has anyone got any tips or advice please?

Being very smiley. And open. Not to the point of TMI but just giving a little bit of themselves. And asking about others as well.
So interesting and interested.

Always being positive, always agreeing and never slagging anyone off.

Confidence (almost bordering arrogance as in you don't care what others think)

Great personality normally the life of a party type

Being good looking helps people tend to respond to attractive people positively.

Confidence, it draws people to you. Also speaking up, offering suggestions and having opinions. I Think people who just go along with everything, always waiting to be asked, and not really adding anything get lost in the crowd.
Being assertive in a polite and firm way also is a good quality.

Confidence. If you believe people don't like you that will come across in how you act and put people off.

No advice I'm afraid just a few observations. There is a mum at school whom everyone wants as their bestie. I think.it's because she is good looking and friendly to everyone. She always gives people.the benefit of doubt, she is not scarily organised ( I am.like this and I think it puts people off), she always listens to what you have to say and is ready to step up in an emergency.

Being lots of different people depending on who you are talking to. Telling people what they want to hear. Pretending to like people you dont. Listening to lots of shite you dont want to hear. Saying things you dont want to say. Being a 'people pleaser'

Who on earth would want to be like that?

Just be you.

Cant really give you an answer, but would say that 'popular' doesn't equal 'good person' 'reliable' or 'decent'.
Different people have different attributes, and popular can be a synonym for good fun or party boy/girl.
I have a close family member who has always been very popular, adored by old ladies, mates in pub , is asked to every social gathering for miles around. He is quite sentimental, great fun, can party all night, but on a day to day basis can be unreliable and hugely selfish. Very hard to live with.
Popular is not always the important trait in a person, so don't torture yourself if you're not. I'm sure you have other good qualities ( eg thoughtfulness). Focus on your assets.

What Dia said.

Dia duit - IME people like that aren't popular, they just get walked all over.

Telling people what they want to hear YY to this. Wish I'd known this 20 years ago.

Yup what Dia said.
All the popular people I know are people pleasers desperate for others to like them. They are fence sitters but will then slag people off behind backs. IMO they tend to be game players

HHacienda (great club), your friends invite you because they like you. If they didn't, they wouldn't invite you along at all. Just be you!

What Dia and AuntySib said is true.

I disagree Dia. I think what you've described is someone who would eventually become all that by trying hard to be popular, rather than if you are genuinely popular.

You sound a bit down op. What are your good points?
I work with someone that everyone loves. Great laugh, fun etc. but I doubt his wife thinks so as he is horrible to her and constantly has someone else on the go!!
Everyone's definition of what makes you popular is different. So, what are your good qualities?...

I think people have different ideas of what "popular" is.

I don't agree with Dia at all! What you have said makes you sound a little jealous tbh.

Most 'popular' people I know are a combination of interesting/interested as Iggly said. Also cofidence, being involved and helping people. Being a genuinely friendly person with no hidden agenda is a winning formula imo.

Not all popular people are the same. but what they do often have in common is that they are genuine extroverts - they really thrive on having a lot of people around most of the time. Some of them like to support all of these people, some of them like to manipulate them and use them - either way, they get their energy from being around people rather than from being alone. IF you don't feel integral to any group, it is likely that you are an introvert and will always have a significant need for time outside the group - you may think you wish you were at the heart of things but really you would find it stressful and exhausting.

I have accepted that the relationships I need and thrive on are personal one-to-one friendships with people who do not need me around all the time. This means I will never be at the heart of a gang (well I have been for a while but it nearly killed me) but that's fine. Maybe you are the same? If you do not feel supported by your friendship group maybe you need to pick individuals and build closer bonds with them, on terms you are both comfortable with. You can't just decide to be queen bee and it may not meet your emotional needs anyway.

I have a friend who lots of people want to be friends with.

She's confident but not in your face, opinated but in a tactful way (she always words her opinions in a way that she understands your point of view but she doesn't agree), genuinely caring and interested in other people's lives (genuinely!), would do anything for anyone (not in a "mug" type way but would always make the effort to help you with anything and never comes across like you are putting her out). She also dresses quite trendy (a shallow thing to like someone for but I think it counts unfortunately!).

If I think of anymore, I'll let you know! Can you tell that I've thought about this before?

Disagree with Dia popular people are the opposite in fact they are often selfish and can be bossy.

The description of my friend almost perfectly matches thegirlfromipanema description which I cross posted with !

Confident. Inclusive. Interesting. Happy. A 'do-er' who organises social events.

I don't get the 'popular people are bitches' thing. The people I know who I would judge as being most popular have great charisma, are super inclusive and obviously love spending time with other people and organising events and are just good fun and nice people to be around.

These are mostly people that are upbeat (not moaning minnies), chatty but not overtaking all conversations and turning it around as being all about them. They are just fun people and others feed off their good vibes. It doesn't mean their lives are any better than yours but they refuse to be downbeat about it. They love other people around them and are usually gracious at including others. I met a super bunch recently - although some are 'churchy' they know I am not and don't "God bother me". We do otehr things. Some of them have been through widowhood/divorce/cancer but they are all fun people.

Vezzie , I think your post is spot on. that's exactly how I tend to approach friendships, much prefer one to one , group friendships are more effort ime and more scope for fall outs if one or two don't get on.

Disagree entirely with dia.

Popular people are confident, comfortable in their own skins, interested in the people around them and interesting themselves. Good conversationalists and good at small talk.

Positive people with a positive outlook.