to worry about my teenage daughter going vegan?

[Meechimoo]

She's 14.
She decided to go veggie about a month ago.
She now wants to cut out all animal products and be vegan.
I've had long long conversations about this with her and told her that I'm very concerned about it. I'm worried she'll end up with poor nutrition and get rickets or something. I'm worried she won't get enough calories from a vegan diet.
But she's 14, almost 15, and hellbent on being vegan. The way I look at it, I can't force feed her dairy, can I?

My husband, her Dad, is dead against it because he thinks this is a control thing and we shouldn't allow her to dictate this sort of thing. And he's worried at additional cost to our food bill if we have to get her supplements, soya milk, vegan cheese etc.
Are there any vegan mumsnetters with vegan teens out there? How do you do it? Is it ok? Are they healthy and enough energy? Should I just go with it and support her or put our feet down and say she can remain veggie but we're not supporting her going vegan??

You are right to be concerned. Do you think your daughter's desire to be vegan is a means of getting you to collude in an eating disorder?

Bonsoir, no. She does religious studies gcse and they've been discussing ethics. Animal rights came up in g be discussion and she decided to turn veggie after seeing some videos and watching some compassion in world farming, PETA and animal aid videos. She's very intense and very intelligent and just decided she couldn't bear to eat any animal produce. I secretly suspect veganism will be a shortlived fad and she'll go.back to vegetarianism in the end. She's very stubborn though and I worry that if we say NO to veganism (which we did to begin with and she sobbed uncontrollably. and said she was doing it regardless) she will have something to rebel against.

It is fine

Point her towards The Vegan society website, have a look yourself too

It's very healthy and of course compassionate

Some great recipes out there. Eg the Thug Kitchen website - loadsa swears but excellent recipes and terribly funny

and I know we have to be the parents. here. and take control, but I'm worried that being militantly anti vegan will make her hate us and go vegan for longer. than she would have if we'd just gone with it.

doughnut, are you vegan? Are your kids vegan?

I think she is old enough to make the choice, however I would be encouraging her to prove the maturity of her decision by thoroughly researching and informing you about how she can fulfil her nutritional needs on a vegan diet, and to do this I would point her in the direction of a library for hard facts, not just want to hear about loads of randoms on the internet opinions.

You can't make anyone eat what they don't want to eat.

YAB a bit U, but I can hear that you are genuinely concerned here and only wanting the best for your daughter. Your DP is being very unreasonable.

First of all, I think you should be proud that she is trying to make ethical choices and to be a positive change in the world around her. That's an amazing quality, and she deserves praise. Sometimes I look at young people nowadays and they blow me away with their commitment and activity. Your DP needs to recognise this. I would also be a bit about his protestations - are you sure he's not just trying to avoid eating more vegan food himself?

Secondly, there is no reason to think that she will end up with health problems because of a vegan diet, PROVIDED that she is careful. I would treat this as a great opportunity to teach her about nutrition (and perhaps educate yourself as well - I certainly don't know everything you'd need to know to run a vegan diet!). That way, you'll be on board with her choices, and you can ensure that she gets sources of the nutrients that she might lack, and it might also benefit the rest of the family too. (I know from my vegan friends that you can make a kind of nut and seed mix, where you take a spoon a day to get oils).

I would also address the cost issue by giving her a small slice of the food budget each week and encouraging her to get involved with meal planning, cooking, and purchasing of food. She could maybe cook for everyone once a week on a Sunday or something. It'll be good training for when she leave home, and will give her new skills, as well as making her understand that you have to do the legwork to be ethical - you can't just make choices and expect other people to pick up the work that's involved.

Also, this needn't be a massive hassle. Most vegan meals are super-healthy - think stews like caponata, curries, bakes - and will be something the entire family can actually enjoy a couple of times a week. If you cook for an extra couple of people and freeze up the left-overs, then you will have a supply of small one-person meals for your DD which will save cooking a separate meal for her each day.

gobblers, thanks. I've asked her to do that. We're looking at what supplements she'll need. I assume more than just the B12? I'll email the vegan society, see if they can help too.

The randoms on the internet wasn't aimed at the useful web suggestions made by Donut (am a slow typist).

That's really helpful out of control, thank you.

She is old enough to make this decision- I would just do some gentle guidance towards good cook books etc to give her ideas and maybe see if she would take some vitamin tablets while she is getting the hang of a balanced vegan diet (it is harder to get all your nutrients from a vegan diet although perfectly possible so maybe something for the transition) I would just respect her choice and support her and then she won't feel silly if she changes her mind or if she needs advice. It is a pretty admirable decision but hard to sustain so she may even change her mind and she needs to feel comfortable doing that

I'd say just let her get on with it - but make her produce a list of a dozen meals she'll be happy to eat, and help you batch cook them so it's easy to serve her something.

She may well stop anyway. An 18 friend of mine has been on-off vegan for many years. She's smart and independent too. Her parents have a deal that she will go veggie if she gets run down or ill.

I've been veggie since I was 12 in a meat-eating household and it introduced me to so many new foods - pulses, lentils, different beg etc.

I am vegan, go to www.vegansociety.com/
Plenty of well researched information and factsheets on nutrition.
It is not "randoms on the internet" but a comprehensive guide to veganism.

It is difficult unless you live in a big city, especially eating out (its hard enough being a veggie in my town) but if you research the nutrition she can have a balanced, healthy diet.

I would say give her a chance, look at recipes together, go through things you will need (soya milk is not expensive, just do not shop at Holland and Barrett for it, they are hugely overpriced and most supermarkets have their own dairy free range now)

I am also a vegan for ethical reasons, I get accused of being all sorts of things (eating disordered/ fussy etc) but it is literally to do with the welfare of the animals and the things we do to them for our own benefit.

My son was briefly veggie at about that age. Went back to eating meat after about a year.

He went veggie again at 22 and has now progressed to being vegan. He does not live with us, but would regularly stay with us for the weekend as he lives in another county. Its very awkward to cook for him, and I usually leave him to cook his own stuff. You couldn't do that with a 14 year old really.

Being Vegan to him is a whole lifestyle choice not just a food thing. For example he would not come with us on our family trip to the zoo last weekend as it went against being vegan.

At your daughter's age I would perhaps gently push her towards staying veggie and suggest she wait till she is living alone to take that next step into the vegan lifestyle.

Personally I feel that we are designed as omnivores and being vegan is too restrictive.

and I know we have to be the parents. here. and take control

This is not a child crossing her arms and saying 'Don't wanna', this is a young adult who wants to eat according to a well-thought out ethical principle. Is that something you should want to control?

I became vegetarian aged 12. My parents, like you, had two choices - let me get on with it or force feed me. They chose the former, and have since admitted that they thought I'd get annoyed at coming home from school and cooking for myself etc.

For your daughter, it may be a fad, who can see the future? But right now, I don't think you should force your diets choices on her. She'll be feeling full of righteousness about this, and very sure about it all. She will rebel!

x-post with lots, outofcontrols advice is perfect and much better written than mine

Thanks. Very useful replies. I'm making careful notes

I'm veggie and used to be vegan. At your daughter's age I was a vegetarian. I agree with others who've said she's old enough to make this decision. I would simply point her towards books/websites on healthy vegan cooking and on nutrition so she understands the importance of finding good sources of vegan protein, calcium, B12 etc. It's a really healthy diet if you do it properly.

My niece became vegan around the same age as your DD. She's been vegan for a few years now and is extremely healthy and well nourished.

Maid of Stars put it far more tactfully than me. This is not something you need to control and I'm a bit dismayed on your daughter's behalf that you don't want to respect a perfectly healthy, rational dietary choice.

Veggie sausage and mash?
Pasta and tomato sauce?
Jacket potatoes?
Chickpea curry?

It's not hard to incorporate vegan food at all into your everyday diets. Your health will probably improve as well due to all the extra veggies.

Saucy jack, this is more my dh's attitude. u said I'd post here, show him the replies and I wanted to explain how he feels. He feels that we shouldn't support it and that it will cost a lot more. he's a very committed meat eater! !

I think it is fine for her to be vegan, provided she takes some interest herself in researching how she can ensure she eats a healthy and balanced diet. As others have said there is plenty of information available online and I would also recommend the book So What So You Eat? which has some easy vegan recipes.

Take him to Tesco. Show him the price of a pack of chicken breasts then show him the price of a tin of chickpeas or bag of lentils. If it's cost he's worried about, he'll soon change his mind.

We are vegetarian, and have brought our dd up vegetarian. She is a similar age to your DD, is very upset about animal cruelty, and talks about going vegan. She's not very successful, however, as going vegan is pretty hard and she succumbs to the temptation of cheese, chocolate, eggs etc!

The tricky thing for you will be cooking separate meals, so you will have to think of ways around that (e.g. encouraging her to do her own cooking, eating some vegan meals yourself etc.) There are some excellent vegetarian books such as Madhur Jaffrey's Eastern Vegetarian cooking, and one by Delia Smith, both of which contain lots of vegan recipes.

The key thing is lots of vegetables, plus lots of pulses (chick peas, red beans, lentils etc). You can put soya milk on cereal. There are also lots of simple vegan dishes such as pasta with tomato sauce, vegetable chilli, ratatouille, vegetable curry, vegetable stir fry that are both tasty and nutritious. Vegan meals don't have to be boring - the key is to add flavour through herbs and spices.

I think OP is right to be concerned tbh, cooking for a vegan is a complete pita as far as I'm concerned. Unless it's just my close relative who is difficult. As for veggie sausages being ok, some are and some aren't suitable for vegans. As I know to my cost.

oh and lots and lots of indian food can be vegan, dahls (in fact all lentil based things are your friends!)

manjulaskitchen.com/ have lots of recipes for dahl and a vegan section.

Also one of my family's favourites is lentil stew using brown lentils instead of mince, any veg you have in the fridge and any herbs (rosemary, thyme etc) you have, with vegan dumplings (made with oil instead of suet)
Lovely in winter and very "meaty", even my meat- eating friends love it!