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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think this is an odd thing for my doctor to say to me?

43 replies

lepetitechatgris · 21/10/2014 23:47

Hi, first time poster, long time lurker and I'm hoping you can help me with a semi-strange situation I found myself in.

I attend a regular (annual) clinic appointment and have seen the same doctor three times now after seeing lots of different doctors over the years. Not ill, just have something that needs monitoring. Anywho, this one doctor, well I was chattering away, saying something about growing old with this condition when I heard him say in a low voice, 'well maybe we could grow old together'. Neither of us acknowledged what he'd said or turned the conversation towards discussing it. I didn't even make a joke out of it, I just thought it was an odd things to say, a bit creepy and I wondered if he was coming on to me, but lacking in self confidence dismissed that as ridiculous?! Haven't told anyone as not sure there is anything to tell? DP would find a little odd if I asked to see a different doctor as I was so very very pleased to have seen this one for more than one appointment, despite thinking he's a little odd/intense. Just wondering how to get this straight in my own head and wondering if I should ask to see another doctor. Feel silly saying all this out loud but if I do ask to see a different doctor I don't want to get into a big conversation about why the change because of a comment that could be perhaps be experienced as a little inappropriate and I certainly don't want to get the doctor into any trouble.

Thanks for any advice/clarity given.

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 21/10/2014 23:49

It sounds like just an off the cuff, very human comment to me - he sort of said he was ageing too and acknowledged your long term patient status

However, it made you uncomfortable so its up to you - any chance you're reading too much into it?

MegTeg · 21/10/2014 23:50

Possibly it was meant to sound reassuring in some way but obviously just sounded strange?

WorraLiberty · 21/10/2014 23:52

Blimey, he was probably just saying that 'we're all getting old an it's nothing to worry about'??

What I find more odd is that you don't seem to want to be able to mention it to your DP?

Mascaramascara1 · 21/10/2014 23:53

It would be such an odd thing to say though, even as a potential come-on.

Could you have misheard slightly, or misread the tone?

Maybe he's ill - you're talking about growing old with your condition, he's hoping he'll be able to with his - referring to you both being able to grow old at the same time with your respective illnesses. Maybe said without thinking so came out slightly wrong.

If it was a come-on, or a weird attempt at getting a reaction, wouldn't he have paused? Looked at you to check your response? If he just carried on with usual conversation straight afterwards it seems unlikely there was anything untoward about it and more likely you misheard IMO.

Sixweekstowait · 21/10/2014 23:56

Don't see him agsin . Now it's in your mind, it could really get in the way and fwiw I do think it was inappropriate. You don't have to make any deal at all about seeing a different doctor or explain yourself to anyone. Doctors have to maintain strict boundaries for a variety of very good reasons and the fact that you are concerned about his comment is a good example of why this matters

jacks365 · 21/10/2014 23:59

it could be a very corny come on but then again it could just be that he meant maybe he could be the doctor you see every year for continuity of care. You won't see him for another year so don't even give it head space.

UmmAbdillah · 22/10/2014 00:01

Sounds like probably a misinterpretation as others have said. You already mentioned he has an "odd/intense" personality - not a great characteristic in a Dr (coming from the field myself) but certainly not uncommon.

If you DO want to change doctors for a routine appointment, you don't have to give an explanation to the receptionist on booking. May be the better option so you can stop dwelling on the issue.

LineRunner · 22/10/2014 00:02

Yes, what an extremely odd thing to say.

DoJo · 22/10/2014 00:13

It sounds like he just meant that, having seen you for the last three years, hopefully he will continue to monitor and advise you. Unless there was anything else about his manner that suggested he has a romantic interest in you, then I can't see why that would be such an odd thing to say.
You said in your OP that you already found him a little odd, perhaps some of that is that he doesn't express himself well, isn't particularly good at small talk or doesn't have much of a bedside manner, which would fit with this comment as well.
If you feel uncomfortable with him, then by all means ask for another doctor, but it would be a shame to pass up consistency of care based on just this incident if you are otherwise happy with him.

Notmeagain1 · 22/10/2014 00:16

It does sound a little off, however, he may have been referring to you both beeing near in age (assuming this ) and will grow old at the same time...ie:together. Just my humble opinion.

If your not comfortable seeing him again, ask to swith gp's.

FannyBlott · 22/10/2014 00:30

Yes it's a bit odd, I'd probably assume he meant you'd still have appointments with him when you (and him) were old or possibly you mentioning growing old reminded him of that phrase and he was muttering to himself (my DH talk to himself constantly without realising).
If he makes you feel uncomfortable though then ask for a different doctor, it reads more like a lack of social skills than a come on in my opinion though.

BOFster · 22/10/2014 00:33

I'd just read it as a reference to your continuing care. It wouldn't occur to me to take it any other way, unless he was rubbing his thighs and drooling at the same time.

ChillingGrinBloodLover · 22/10/2014 00:34

Given it's going to be another year before you see him again, I wouldn't give it another thought.

GatoradeMeBitch · 22/10/2014 01:06

I always feel you should trust your instincts, especially as in this case, where you avoiding him is not going to affect this man in the slightest. If you thought he was being weird, he was being weird. See another doctor next time. I don't know why you would have to discuss it with your DP. I had the same GP for ten years and I don't think my OH ever knew his name!

MintyCatLeaf · 22/10/2014 03:17

Jeepers, I'm a doctor and wouldn't give a second thought to making such a remark. I work in A and E, and will often greet a frequent visitor with a "so we meet again", or if I misplace notes, I'll jokingly tell a patient that they're receiving "terrible medical care". Once, I got a drop of (his own) blood on a patient's trousers and told him that if he wanted to sue, my full name was Dr. X* and my medical council number was Y. (I'm actually reasonably decent at my job, if my patients are honest and statistics reflective, but the above are just some examples).

However, I don't know him personally, and this doctor may, indeed, be a creep or a weirdo.

*Really wish my name was Dr. X

MintyCatLeaf · 22/10/2014 03:24

Also, I'm female, and I think we get away with more in that regard - for example, I feel far more free to comment on people's beautiful children/babies than the male doctors I work with (we have discussed this amongst ourselves), and I suppose I feel as though I'd get away with telling an elderly lady that she was looking well than my male colleagues might. I'd most likely only make a "growing old together" comment to a fellow young-ish female who was in a stable relationship and was aware that I was too, so his remark may have been a little odd.

Long and short, I don't really know!

Bulbasaur · 22/10/2014 03:49

I'd just take it at face value. He probably meant you two could continue to grow old and live a long life.

Darkandstormynight · 22/10/2014 04:02

I wonder if he meant he had the same condition as you and that was his way of telling you? Kind of like. 'I'm in the same boat'?

waithorse · 22/10/2014 06:05

I honestly think your overreacting. I wouldn't give a comment like that a second thought. It is very doubtful he was coming onto you.

Flump007 · 22/10/2014 06:34

I thonk I would have taken it as a daft off the cuff comment,perhaps referring to the fact he is doing hus job long term in that practice and you will be going once a year fir ever and ever.
Any romantic interest wouldn't enter my head on that comment alone I don't think.
Is it just this comment that has made you feel uncomfortable or are there other behaviours/comments that stand out too?
If its just tjus one off then I would be inclined to ignore.

Sunna · 22/10/2014 06:44

Over reaction. Just an off the cuff remark.

bigbluestars · 22/10/2014 06:46

I don't think it's odd at all. I also have a long term relationship with my GP and this remark would be perfectly normal. My GP and I have quite a human relationship, whilst he always retains a prefessional distance.

I would not have interpreted this in any way as a copme on or a romantic suggestion.

firesidechat · 22/10/2014 07:51

You are overthinking this.

The consultants words to my husband when he was first diagnosed with cancer were " we will grow old together". Exactly the same words as your doctor used. I'm fairly sure that he wasn't suggesting that they waltz off into the sunset together. Well not with me sitting there too. Rather that they would be seeing a lot of each other for the foreseeable future and that he had a reasonable expectation of getting old. He probably says that to all his patients.

firesidechat · 22/10/2014 07:54

Oh and please don't ask to see a different doctor or take this further. I think you will look a bit silly to be honest.

hackmum · 22/10/2014 08:01

The phrase "maybe we could grow old together" has only one meaning. Why are people pretending otherwise?

It astonishes me the number of times posters on Mumsnet describe something offensive someone else has said or done, and other posters try to explain it away by telling the OP she must have misunderstood.

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