to be considering being away for my dd's 8th birthday?

[sleepymother]

I'm not a frequent poster, but I really need a bit of advice from other parents. I have been invited to speak at an academic conference, expenses paid, quite a flattering invitation, but it is three days long, abroad, and the middle day of the three is my daughter's birthday. I could organise to celebrate her birthday before I go, but I feel that she would probably (almost certainly) feel upset that I wouldn't be at home for her birthday itself (which falls on the Friday). Should I just say no to the conference, or is it just something that she and her sister will have to get used to, with a working academic for a mother? (DH works for himself, and was a SAHD, and does most of the school pick-up/drop-offs/playdates, etc, and would certainly be there to celebrate, and do cake etc on the birthday itself.) I just can't figure this out.

Very sad how many posters on here put their work before their DC.No wonder my DC have to come across so many screwed up kids

I know my DDs would tell me that they would be very upset if I missed their birthdays.
But I was often away for special events. I manage their disappointment and try make it up to them. My DDs just see it as part of my work. So I would have done the conference.

You know your DD and the impact (or not) of the conference on your career. everybody has to do what works best for them.

You're spot on in your last post. You are a role model to your DD and by going, you let her see that women sometimes have important things to do outside the home, even if they are mothers.

You're spot on in your last post. You are a role model to your DD and by going, you let her see that women sometimes have important things to do outside the home, even if they are mothers.

By not going, you are letting your DD that mothers put their children before themselves and this is how the human race (and in fact most species) have survived.You are teaching your DD how to be a good mother.

Thanks again for your replies.
I opened the conversation with my daughter by exploring the idea of 'a friend of mine' who had been asked to be away for work, but it would mean being away for her daughter's birthday ... She might have got that this was one of 'those' conversations, but anyhow, that was the best and gentlest way I could think of!
Dingdingdonna - I agree. I couldn't stop my whole life for a one-day event, even a birthday. But as this was a one-off thing, and I judged that it was less important to me in this instance than my being at home was to my daughter, that's the decision I made, this time.
Annahmolly - I agree with that too. I am a role model to my daughters, and by working full time outside the home, including travel and staying away since they were less than a year old, I hope I've done quite a bit to make it clear to them that women have important things to do outside the home. But this particular occasion seemed missable in the end. It's all a set of complex compromises.
Thanks all for reading and offering your thoughts. It was very helpful to read your varied views.