Ob/gyn suggested I watch porn.

[nnnnamechanger]

Sorry in advance for oversharing. I've been stewing over this since the beginning of the year and need some perspective. I've namechanged as it's a bit embarrassing.

I have Lichen Sclerosus (a fairly rare, auto-immune, skin condition) on my vulva. It causes skin to tear and bruise easily. Labia gradually fuses together and the entrance to the vagina can seal over. eIt's also itchy and painful.

It's pretty grim and I don't recommend Googling it.

I was referred to an ob/gyn (male, prob early 50's) by my gp. There's no cure, the only treatment he would prescribe was steroid cream for the pain/itching, and monitor progress and any signs of cancer.

On my last appointmtment in Jan, Ob/gyn asked if I was managing ok re intercourse. So I admitted that I feel very self conscious about the state of my vulva, that my libido has nose dived and haven't been having sex. He advised re importance of continuing intercourse to keep the vagina open. I had no issues with this so far.

However he then said something along the lines of 'you want to stop vagina from sealing over as you might want to have sex further down the track, even if it isn't with your husband'. Then he suggested I try watching porn to get myself in the mood.

That was pretty much the end of the consultation.

So, AIBU to feel that his advice was innapropriate? I'm not prudish, and get that lots of people enjoy porn. But how is watching young, slim women with 'perfect' vaginas supposed to improve my confidence?

I'm supposed to have a check up every 6 months, but haven't been back to see him. I need to ask gp (female, but I don't like her much either) for referral else where. Do I bring this up, or am I just being oversensitive?

Again, I apologise for the intimate details. Thanks if you've managed to read to the end

LS is more common in older women I think.

Now I realise many women continue to be sexually active to a ripe old age (lucky them ), but I do wonder if the concern re intercourse is something that doesn't come up very often and he was unprepared maybe?

AnotherEmma - I hadn't heard of that society. Thanks, I shall look them up.

Bodhran - yep, exactly. I think I was expecting some kind of referral from him. When he suggested the porn I just felt a bit silly asking further and like I was making a fuss about it. Or just had to get on with it maybe?

You see, any gynae worth his/her salt would be recommending a support society like the above, not that you try and stay lubricated by watching the filmed degradation of women and men

Given your symptoms, anybody would be reluctant to have penetrative sex. I actually wouldn't be recommending at all if it can cause tearing and damage to sensitive areas. We should be having intercourse if it is pleasurable for all concerned. I can't imagine your H actually wants to risk causing you actual pain and physical damage ?

There are other ways to maintain a sex life.

here is the other similar thread

there is a mention of porn, but in a different context

it fucking makes me mad that just because the medical condition is associated with a woman's genitals, there is a direct connection even among professionals that porn is somehow part of the solution

I presume the general area of soreness can make urinating/defecating, wearing certain clothes, having to sit for prolonged periods etc etc etc difficult at times. Perhaps using porn could sort that too ? Ridiculous.

YY AF, it is quite bizarre and says more about porn culture than it does anything else.

www.bssvd.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=29:lichen-sclerosus&catid=8:vulval-conditions&Itemid=8 You might be able to find info on interested doctors/clinics here.

According to the British association of dermatologists, you should be taken seriously and referred on for psychosexual problems. Maybe gynaecologists think they know all about it and don't need to refer on to someone who actually does.

I can't see how porn will help someone with sore bits and low libido - it is a bit more subtle a problem than that, and a crass suggestion.

Thanks for the link AF.

The psychosexual element of many illnesses and disorders is ignored or overlooked by medics.
I am living with the fallout of breast cancer treatment - severe vaginitis and bilateral mastectomy.
Major impact on intimacy as you can imagine but we have managed to work our way through it with some help from people who really understand that sex is not just about shoving things in holes.

"shoving things in holes"

Quite. What a fucking malecentric and narrow definition of "sex" some people, but most worryingly, some professionals have.

I would simply never have sex again if that was all there was to it, and it fucking well hurt/damaged me. Who would think that was ok and just "something to get on with"?

That's a good website, thanks Day. I'm actually in Australia, but lots of useful information there for me even so.

Actually thinking about it. Neither my gp or ob/gyn have bothered to help me find information or support for LS.

I've done my own research and have found websites that are Aus based. In fact my gp got very snippy when I asked her about stuff I'd read and made a sarky comment about me 'being the expert'. Typical really.

Sorry for what you've been through bodhran.

I think DH and I certainly need to get a bit more proactive in finding the right people to help us. We've been burying our heads in the sand a bit

He needs reporting. Telling you to have sex with someone other than your dh and to watch porn to get you in the mood ? WTAF?

If he wanted to suggest you get in the mood, they're are far more professional and tactful ways of saying so!

OP if you're in Australia you could look up ANZVS, they have a list of specialist clinics in Australia on their website:
anzvs.org/vulval-clinics/

PS Your GP sounds like a bit of a bitch (to put it bluntly!) Could you see someone else at the same practice instead?

I like porn, but I think that massage with your partner and finding other ways to be intimate which may then lead to sex would be a more appropriate suggestion IMO.

I'd mention it at your next appointment with new person and ask them for some helpful advice.

my own is fucking ugly and cavernous since having DS and tearing loads and I can understand the thing about having low confidence getting it out.

I think its bizarre that he assumes porn turns everyone on

Thanks OP - all part of life's rich pageant.
Good luck with it all - I'm sure you'll find a way through that works for you as a couple.

fwiw, I think it's creepy. It's bad enough having a strange man fiddling about with your genitalia without them suggesting you watch porn.

AnotherEmma that link is great! I'm very close to one of the clinics listed, so will pursue a referral there. Thanks very much.

Also, thanks everyone for your supportive posts. It's really helped

I think he was probably just misguided(and completely out of touch) in what turns women on. I don't think it was inappropriate as he was discussing your sexuality as part of treating the whole you, at least he has started a dialogue with you to acknowledge this is a common problem.

Would you rather a doctor that just addressed the skin condition and ignored everything else that goes with it?

Dear OP - this is an awful and upsetting health problem for you to face. I don't think you should feel embarrassed or apologetic about the info in your posts. Everyone's got genitals after all! Anyway. The fact you are in AU means you can drop both your GP and horrible ob/gyn like hot potatoes and not see either again. There is far better care out there! I'm assuming you have private cover so you can see whomever you like?

Even if you are in the public system you still have right of a choice. Please please change medics (what the OG said was inappropriate, unhelpful, unprofessional and so many other things). I second others about seeing a good dermotologist in addition to a new ob/gyn. There are plenty of terrific, empathetic and caring people in the medical profession in AU and you just have to find the right people who will treat you on a medical level but also be sensitive and caring to the effect it has on your feelings.

Don't be afraid to shop around for really good medical care and don't proceed after the first consult if you cannot feel totally comfortable with your new doctors. You really deserve top quality care.

I have this condition, thankfully I'm currently in remission. Dh and maintained our sexual relationship without intercourse but I always felt I was letting him down - he was always very supportive.

I don't think the suggestion of using erotic materials is a bad idea as such but I think he was under-qualified to advise you on emotional issues and he has overstepped his area of expertise. The physical functioning of the body is completely different to the mental and emotional functioning but unfortunately some doctors seem to think they are an expert in both, he should have referred you in.

Get yourself an understanding GP and a good consultant, if you think the medical might have some answers for you, alternatively have you tried healing through diet?

Look up the Auto Immune Protocol diet or Terry Wahls diet - I know that what I eat has a big impact on my autoimmune conditions.

Good luck.