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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP wants me to get up in the morning to say goodbye, AIBU?

75 replies

myfurbyisalive · 20/10/2014 12:42

DP and I tend to work alternating shift patterns, so one of us may have to leave at 7am and the other may sleep until 12am if they were working a late shift the night before, IYSWIM?

When I leave early I sort out his quilt (tuck him in!) give him a peck on the head and say bahbye.

This morning DP tucked me in but in a way that really jiggled me about and woke me up. Then when he was leaving him woke me up again and stood at the edge of the bed with his arms out, for me to get up and give him a hug to say bye. I groggily said no, but he carried on standing there so I said 'fgs I'm tired' He spat 'yeah, so am I!' Err, yeah difference is youre going to work and I'm not! He stropped off to work.

AIBU to not want to get out of bed just to say goodbye?

OP posts:
BarrySponge · 20/10/2014 16:11

They say women are the weaker sex, but you try getting the duvet off one of them at 3 in the morning....

Ahem. Anyway...my wife works from home at least once a week so I am quite often going to work while she is still blissfully snoring. I always look in before I go and give her a peck on the cheek, top of the head, boob...whatever is closest. Not to sound mawkish or cliched, but a relative of mine was killed in a car accident on the way to work several years ago and that morning he didn't kiss his wife goodbye as he normally did as she was sleeping. She was devastated by that and still regards it as her biggest regret. Ever since then I always kiss my wife goodbye, even if she is alseep. At least I know I've done it.

Yarp · 20/10/2014 16:15

YANBU

Hopefully it was a one off

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 20/10/2014 21:09

Barry Sad

Shakey1500 · 20/10/2014 21:15

If you're awake/dozing, do a MASSIVE fart so any oderous guffs will waft his way on duvet floppage Grin

YANBU. DH gets in around 4am, I'll have already got my clothes sorted for the morning and creep out. No way would I expect him to say goodbye and certainly not get out of bed for a hug.

FunkyBoldRibena · 20/10/2014 21:16

They say women are the weaker sex

Do they? In what way?

Anyway OP - what is he 5? Tell him to grow up. A peck yes, a fully fledged out of bed hug? Fuck off.

TheFairyCaravan · 20/10/2014 21:18

DH gets up at 5:20 and leaves an hour later. He used to tuck me in, now DS1 has more or less moved out, he sleeps in his room so he doesn't wake me.

Since DS2 has passed his driving test and takes himself to school, he wakes me at 8:35 with a kiss on the head and a cup of tea.

They are very much aware that I am not a morning person! Grin

BeeRayKay · 20/10/2014 21:25

My hubby is always up before me, apart from Saturdays (his lie In mine is Sunday) I always have a kiss off him on whatever part of me isn't in foetal position and occasioally he might get a goodbye but rarely. and on a Saturday I just kiss his cheek/forehead.

yadnbu. he is.

CornChips · 20/10/2014 21:28

DHis home every second week and gets up at about 4 so he can get ready poo for an hour and then get his train. I always get up, make him a cup of tea, then go back to bed while he wastes time on the loo then get up again to say goodbye. But that happens only every second Monday and I am not a shift worker.

But, when I was commuting for hours every day and had to get up at 5, he would have my coffee ready by the time I got out of the shower.... but again neither of us were working shifts.

Weathergames · 20/10/2014 22:04

My OH works away so when he's home in the week he's on holiday and I am normally working as usual.

I get up have a shower, turn the lights on, get dressed, watch TV and go to work!! Grin He just puts the duvet over his head and goes back to sleep.

He quite often wakes me for a shag at 6am though so.....

PiperIsOrange · 20/10/2014 22:07

DH knows better, I'm an insomniac and struggle to fall asleep, so when I'm asleep leave me the fuck alone.

SweetPeaPods · 20/10/2014 22:20

DH works shifts. If I'm awake and he is on earlies I will get up to have a cup of tea with him. If I don't need to get up he leaves me sleeping. I used to wake up when he came in from work when working lates or get out if bed on earlies but now not so much. So yes, yanbu

WitchWay · 20/10/2014 22:31

I am invariably up before DH & make coffee for us both. If he is due to get up & go out unusually early I get up & make coffee for us both I'm a doormat I then go back to bed. Whoever is out first kisses whomever is staying at home, the latter waving goodbye to the former out of the bedroom window.

Pathetic, perhaps, but I'd hate to think we hadn't said goodbye even though he's a huge pain in the arse

DoYouWannaBuildaSnowman · 20/10/2014 22:35

DH tucks me in too.

Whoever gets up first (varies depending on what day it is) always kisses the other goodbye and says I love you. Sometimes we wake up enough to say goodbye properly, sometimes we're totally asleep, we're both quite good at saying I love you in our sleep!

He'd be in major trouble if he woke me up when I was really sleepy or expected me to get up.just because he was leaving tho!

liquidstatehasrisenagain · 20/10/2014 23:02

OP are we married to the same man?

Mines the same. Paticularly when he leaves for the 4am milking Hmm

GatoradeMeBitch · 21/10/2014 00:36

Make sure you shake him out of bed for a hug next time you leave first.

sykadelic · 21/10/2014 00:49

My husband and I also give each other a kiss and say goodbye when leaving in the morning. I don't like waking up and he's just gone.

He is DBU to expect you to get up and give him a hug. Have you had a chance to ask him what it was all about? If your regular routine is not like that, why did he want it changed? Was he jealous you were sleeping when he was so tired? If so, again, why now?

DancingDinosaur · 21/10/2014 00:51

Do the same back to him when its his turn for the later sleep. And repeat, morning after morning. He'll soon learn. And no yanbu.

peasandlove · 21/10/2014 00:58

You sound co-dependant.

DancingDinosaur · 21/10/2014 01:01

You sound co-dependant.

Is that an insult? Confused Most families are to some degree. It happens when you live as a family and pool resources.

SnookyPooky · 21/10/2014 06:08

Just recently I didn't speak to my DH from Friday morning till Tuesday night. He was going to work before I was awake and coming home when I was asleep. I like my sleep and he in turn was exhausted. No way would we have woken each other to say bye or tidy the bed.

peasandlove · 21/10/2014 06:55

Wasnt supposed to be an insult, just a passing comment Confused

VioletBoat · 21/10/2014 07:02

Were you considerate when you got home from work, or did you want hugs or cuddles?

Andanotherthing123 · 21/10/2014 07:19

He sounds a bit odd op-couldn't he have come over to where you were lying and given you a hug there? His arms open gesture sounds needy and a bit arrogant.

Tucking in OK though IMO.

Stillwishihadabs · 21/10/2014 07:40

Yanbu. In this house there is an understanding that anytime before 6am is not the morning, when I used to leave at 6 I would the whole dressing in the hall thing and just give him a kiss and a cup of coffee as I slipped out of the door.

YonicScrewdriver · 21/10/2014 07:48

YANBU,

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