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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP wants me to get up in the morning to say goodbye, AIBU?

75 replies

myfurbyisalive · 20/10/2014 12:42

DP and I tend to work alternating shift patterns, so one of us may have to leave at 7am and the other may sleep until 12am if they were working a late shift the night before, IYSWIM?

When I leave early I sort out his quilt (tuck him in!) give him a peck on the head and say bahbye.

This morning DP tucked me in but in a way that really jiggled me about and woke me up. Then when he was leaving him woke me up again and stood at the edge of the bed with his arms out, for me to get up and give him a hug to say bye. I groggily said no, but he carried on standing there so I said 'fgs I'm tired' He spat 'yeah, so am I!' Err, yeah difference is youre going to work and I'm not! He stropped off to work.

AIBU to not want to get out of bed just to say goodbye?

OP posts:
thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 20/10/2014 13:25

Confused How did you not kill him?

DH gets up for work about half an hour earlier than me and even then he tries to be as quiet as he can - although there's been a few times he's been 'accidently' noisy...thankfully those are rare as he likes breathing Grin

whois · 20/10/2014 13:29

WTF? Surely first rule of cohabiting is you don't wake the other person if you have different sleep/wake schedules?

I get up before DP every day for work. I get my clothes ready the night before and move them into the living room to get read in in the morning.

DP obvs comes to bed later, he gets undressed outside the bedroom and slips into bed quietly.

PenelopeGarciasCrazyHair · 20/10/2014 13:30

I would have to kill him.

My DP has learned that if I am still asleep or at least still groggy when he leaves, the most he can expect is a kiss on whichever extremity is closest to me.

If it's really early he tries to stop his alarm before it wakes me, then creeps downstairs with his trousers in his hand so that the belt doesn't wake me up with its jangling!

This has taken 2 years to perfect, however, and many a cross word on my part when his alarm has been set to 6.30, waking me up, but he then has a lie-in, snoozing his alarm until 8.30. I very nearly did kill him for this one

OnlyLovers · 20/10/2014 13:32

I think the posters sneering at the tucking in/the way the OP says bye Hmm should give it a rest.

OP, your DP is behaving like a child. I'd give mine a goodbye knee in the balls if he demanded I get out of bed at the crack of dawn to give him a hug.

Pisghetti · 20/10/2014 13:36

I sometimes have to leave for work before DP is awake/out of bed if I have an early train to catch. I used to try and slip out quietly but he insists on having a goodbye kiss so he gets one on the cheek just before I leave. It's enough to wake him up slightly to say goodbye but not so much he can't get back to sleep. I would expect the same back. Actually being shaken awake and being expected to wake up enough to sit up for a hug would not go down well for either of us!

P.s. My son prefers me to give him his first call in the morning before I jump in the shower so about 15 minutes before he needs to get up. I usually make the bed around him while I do that as he's a messy sleeper.

ColdFeetWarmHeart · 20/10/2014 13:40

DH gets up about 5:30 Monday - Friday, while I work an evening shift. he gets his clothes out the night before, and tries to disturb me as little as possible. Some mornings I wake up, others I am dead to the world. But DH will always give me a kiss goodbye, whether I'm awake or not. And he will give sleeping DD a kiss.
Same goes when I get up early for work on a Saturday. I have clothes out ready and get dressed in bathroom. I will come and give DH a kiss before I leave. He might stir enough to say "goodbye" but more often than not this is in his sleep.

I wouldn't dream of leaving the house without giving DH or DD a kiss goodbye

Momagain1 · 20/10/2014 13:44

The tucking in is super sweet, and he should follow your lead. He is being a needy jerk.

Aherdofmims · 20/10/2014 13:45

He is being extremely u! Esp as you work shifts.

Standing there with arms open is really weird.

VitoCorleone · 20/10/2014 13:49

Me and my partner work alternate shifts, when I'm on earlies i sneak out the room like a ninja and get dressed in the living room, when DP is on earlies same thing but he gets dressed in bathroom

If either of us woke the other up at 5am when one of us had been on lates there 'd be hell to pay

CalamityKate1 · 20/10/2014 13:49

The mention of him standing there with his arms out has made me think of Ruprecht in Dirty Rotten Scoundrels....

Greengrow · 20/10/2014 13:54

Never share a duvet. The secret of happiness in marriage is having a duvet each.

Agrestic · 20/10/2014 13:57

Yanbu.

We work shifts. If I'm leaving before dp needs to be up I'll get up, shower and get dressed in the bedroom using the hallway light. Then I'll give him a cuddle, kisses and tuck him up... he'll wake enough to say bye.

He does exactly the same when he's leaving first. I thought everyone would do this or something similar...

Getting up and out of bed though, no way!!

morethanpotatoprints · 20/10/2014 14:05

tell him to wait up for you if you are working opposite shifts, would this work or is he still up when you get back?

JuxtheDaemonVampire · 20/10/2014 14:34

I'm afraid that I, too, would have to kill him.

YANBU. Not at all.

Clutterbugsmum · 20/10/2014 14:42

Tell him if he is going to wake you early after you have done a late shift then you will be waking him up at 4 am (or whatever time) to say your home.

He is being very unreasonable to wake you, In know it can be hard when you are doing opposite shifts but there is know need to make it more harder for everyone.

TheHobbit · 20/10/2014 14:47

Im evil! I not only pull the duvet off my DH but I pull his legs off the bed so he has to get up then he needs to talk to me whilst I get ready and have coffee with me. My reason is that he doesn't work and I don't see why I have to get up and he doesn't. Although I know once I have gone he goes back to bed again. But I am very needy Grin

CocktailQueen · 20/10/2014 14:50

YANBU!!!! He is being VVU. He sounds very PA - who on earth would expect a sleeping person to get up and hug them?? Twit. Have you argued recently? Have you upset him?

AnyFucker · 20/10/2014 14:50

There is something very strange about this bloke. What a needy manchild he sounds. OP, just laugh in his face and if he wakes you up again for no reason at all, LTB.

RightyTightyLeftyLoosey · 20/10/2014 14:57

YADNBU!
DP gets up at 4.30am every week day and is quieter than a mouse in padded shoes! Me and DS get a kiss (I have only ever woken up for this once!) then he goes on his merry way.
I am a truly horrible morning person anyway, there is no way on earth he would attempt to wake me for any reason! that's DSs job!

TheDietStartsTomorrow · 20/10/2014 15:03

Hugs are supposed be given voluntarily and lovingly. You can't demand a hug.

2rebecca · 20/10/2014 15:05

I'd suggest that in future the person getting up is considerate of the other person and doesn't fanny around tucking in, wanting kisses etc but lets the other sleep. If the person getting up is still tired they go to bed earlier not get all passive aggressive with their sleeping partner..

Ledkr · 20/10/2014 15:35

Dh creeps about like a terrified man when on earlies, he knows the wrath he will incur if he wakes me up.
If he tucked me in I'd kick him in the balls Grin

chrome100 · 20/10/2014 15:51

Ah I always tuck DP in when I leave and give him a kiss. It's not weird.

Sallystyle · 20/10/2014 15:57

My husband tucks me in :blush

We have separate rooms and he comes for a cuddle, talk, sex whatever and then tucks me in. Meaning, he pulls the covers over me.

YANBU

attheendoftheday · 20/10/2014 16:09

I leave for work at 6.15am. I do the clothes in the bathroom and slipping out quietly thing. Sleep is a precious commodity in this house!

Wanting you to get out of bed, and continuing to insist when you had said you didn't want to is a bit controlling and weird. Therefore YANBU.