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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still be embarrassed about my gynecologist appointment?

42 replies

PourMeACupOfTea · 19/10/2014 22:17

On Friday I had an appointment with a gynecologist and knew I would have to have an internal exam which I thought I would be okay with.

But it was just so Blush from the beginning. To start with the doctor had a medical student with him which I wasn't expecting. I wasn't made aware of this until I actually got into the consultation room and even though the doctor asked me if I was okay with it I didn't have the heart to tell the poor lad to leave while he was there so I stupidly said I was fine with it.

Then when he started examining me I just started panicking and had to keep telling him to stop which he did (several times Blush). After a bit I tried taking some deep breaths and I thought I was ready for him to start again but this time I just burst into tears and told him I didn't want to do this.

I sobbed for aged into the nurses shoulder and we all decided it was best not to do anything today and for me to come back another time.

Then when I got in the house I started crying again because I just felt like such an idiot.

I'm sure everyone there must think I'm a complete tit now and I still feel like a tit myself.

I don't know why I was such a wimp and couldn't go through with it. Now I'm scared in case I freak out the next time.

OP posts:
EssexMummy123 · 19/10/2014 22:20

Don't worry :-) would it help if you asked for a female next time?

FrontForward · 19/10/2014 22:21

You poor thing. It's very poor of them to only inform you and ask you once you were in the room.

I think you should probably see another Dr who you might feel more trusting with.

LaurieFairyCake · 19/10/2014 22:22

You have nothing to be embarassed about

And you have done that student a service as she/he will now realise that not every woman is comfortable with folk footering around with their giblets

Take care of yourself and get a female if you think it would help - and no students

ThePinkOcelot · 19/10/2014 22:24

Try to put it behind you. Maybe you were feeling a bit under the weather or something, hence you bursting in to tears.x

Brassrubbing · 19/10/2014 22:28

Don't feel like an idiot. Internal examinations are enormously difficult for some women. I'm one of them. A nice female obstetrics consultant tried to do a sweep on me when I was very overdue, and I ended up shaking and vomiting into the bin in her office. I think she was shocked, too. And though I appreciate that medical students need to learn somehow, I think it's poor practice that the student was already there in situ so that you felt awkward about expressing a preference for a solo consult.

SexualBernieClifton · 19/10/2014 23:04

hugs

I cried allover the nurse when I went for a blood test. ended up not having it at all and feeling really stupid.

I am a needlephobic.

WerkSupp · 19/10/2014 23:09

Reschedule and make sure it's on your notes and everywhere, NO STUDENTS. When you check in, tell the receptionist, NO STUDENTS. Take someone with you, too.

PiperIsOrange · 19/10/2014 23:10

You wouldn't have been the first women to Have started to panic.

Good luck with your next appointment, perhaps see your GP for some medication to make it easier.

shouldnthavesaid · 19/10/2014 23:11

I fainted at a transvaginal scan once - gynaecologist and nurse were lovely but I spent a good forty minutes in an awful position.

I have a massive phobia of being even just looked at down below though after a lot of medical stuff so I know how you feel, I end up sobbing and shaking.

Big hugs xx

PicandMinx · 19/10/2014 23:14

You are not a wimp OP.

First of all, you should have the choice of a female doctor. Secondly, it is very poor practice to ask about the student right in front of you (as you were not expecting a student) and to make matters worse - a male student.

I would suggest making a complaint about the student to make sure that this bad policy is stopped.

You did not make a tit of yourself. The HCP put you in a difficult and stressful situation which with a bit of forethought and compassion could have been avoided.

Original poster
PourMeACupOfTea · 19/10/2014 23:18

Yes probably should of asked for a female (issues with abuse and rape in past) but thought I'd be okay. Still wasn't expecting a student there though.

I just hope I can mange it the next time Sad.

OP posts:
PicandMinx · 19/10/2014 23:24

I hate the "student ambush". You are put in such a position that you find it difficult to say no. That is why HCP ask you when the student is in the room as there is more chance of patients saying yes.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 19/10/2014 23:25

Please don't make a complaint about the student- complain about the doctor running the clinic not making it apparent. It's not the students fault and they are there to learn.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 19/10/2014 23:26

When I was a student the person I was working with always asked the patient before. Never in the room

Musicaltheatremum · 19/10/2014 23:31

I help teach medical students and 99/100 tell the patient before I bring them in to the room but occasionally I do forget and they're through the door so I just have to ask them then and there. It does sometimes happen.

PicandMinx · 19/10/2014 23:33

Should it be "ask" the patient and not "tell"?

Can you not ask the students to leave the room if you forget?

mamadoc · 19/10/2014 23:34

I was once the student on the other side of this

I was waiting in the clinic room at the GUM clinic and could hear the consultant asking the next patient if he minded a medical student.

Only as they were just about to enter the room did I hear my FLATMATE saying 'no worries, that's fine'.

There was no way I could leave discretely and pretend I hadn't seen. It was very, very awkward.

Flatmate later said they had felt similarly pressured to say yes as it was sprung on them despite not wanting to at all.

It should be made clear at the booking in point as you arrive that there is a student present and then you can just say to the receptionist or nurse.

VoyagerII · 19/10/2014 23:39

I have this kind of problem too. I think things were sprung on you and you ended up feeling out of control and panicking - thanks to their bad handling of the situation, not yours. You're not a wimp. I do know what you mean, I hate crying at the doctors because I feel so pathetic, but it is understandable, and not rare either.

If you talk to them in advance and explain you find it very difficult for reasons to do with your past (that's all you need to say, or just that you find it hard and leave it at that) and ask for a female doctor and no students, I find they are very understanding. I have been known to take DP too to hold my hand and distract me.

Don't blame yourself, but do this next time if you can, it really does help.

FoxgloveFairy · 20/10/2014 01:42

Yes, I really think that the patient should be asked when they check in. If you are asked in front of the student, there is that pressure to agree. Unfair, especially for something like an internal gynae exam.

FoxgloveFairy · 20/10/2014 01:45

Forgot a bit! Nothing to be embarassed about op- it was something that a lot of women would not react well too, especially if there was some abuse in their history perhaps. You may have got a bit emotional, but it is also understandable. Flowers

Notmeagain1 · 20/10/2014 01:49

You are not the first to cry and will not be the last, so worries about that. However, if you are EVER uncomfortable tell them NO STUDENTS ever, They look at bums all day and are always professional (you've seen one, you've seen them all attitude), but do not know all of you back history.

I have a lovely doctor that always has a student with him (teaching hospital) and I never mind, but I do not have of the history you have. Good luck with your next appointment.

AlpacaMyBags · 20/10/2014 02:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Patienceisapparentlyavirtue · 20/10/2014 02:41

Don't be at all embarrassed. You are certainly not the first to react this way, and they should (and probably will) be feeling embarrassed they they put you in this position.

Also agree with pp that if it helps, you really have done that student a favour. Firstly by allowing him in at all - it can be hard for male students to get the experience they need, as so many women (not just you!) are uncomfortable about it, and most importantly because he has seen just how sensitive this can be and when he experiences is at as a doctor he will have a plan for dealing.

Most important is to look after yourself though, as others have said, you have every right to add no students to your notes and remind staff as needed.

MollyHooper · 20/10/2014 02:47

I'm assuming the nurse was present throughout all of this? If not, that is very bad practice. Beyond bad actually and you should make a complaint.

You are not a wimp. I would have been very uncomfortable with this, but I know I would have agreed because I lack the confidence to say no in these situations.

Take some time, then when you feel ready ring up and ask for a female (or lady) doctor.

You really should not have had to go through this, it's just horrible but sadly not shocking. :(

Mrsdavidcaruso · 20/10/2014 06:45

Twice my hospital have done this to me and twice I have told (not asked) the student to leave but I am aggressive assertive and able to do that