To still be embarrassed about my gynecologist appointment?

[PourMeACupOfTea]

On Friday I had an appointment with a gynecologist and knew I would have to have an internal exam which I thought I would be okay with.

But it was just so from the beginning. To start with the doctor had a medical student with him which I wasn't expecting. I wasn't made aware of this until I actually got into the consultation room and even though the doctor asked me if I was okay with it I didn't have the heart to tell the poor lad to leave while he was there so I stupidly said I was fine with it.

Then when he started examining me I just started panicking and had to keep telling him to stop which he did (several times ). After a bit I tried taking some deep breaths and I thought I was ready for him to start again but this time I just burst into tears and told him I didn't want to do this.

I sobbed for aged into the nurses shoulder and we all decided it was best not to do anything today and for me to come back another time.

Then when I got in the house I started crying again because I just felt like such an idiot.

I'm sure everyone there must think I'm a complete tit now and I still feel like a tit myself.

I don't know why I was such a wimp and couldn't go through with it. Now I'm scared in case I freak out the next time.

For my ante-natal care I was under a consultant, although I would see a different person every time. It was in a teaching hospital. At the first apt the doctor introduced me to her student (so it was me plus two females) and I was very cordial and pleasant about it. I always am! But I was so shocked when the doctor asked be to lie back and then it was the student who examined me internally and proceeded to relay verbally her findings to the consultant. When it was over I was just a bit and unsure of my feelings when the doctor then went in for another go! So I had two internals, the first of which was simply a teaching exercise. There was no consent.

It wasn't until some weeks letter that I felt a bit violated by it and presumed consent. It definitely preyed on my mind.

For subsequent apts I still allowed the student in but I made clear they would not be allowed to put their fingers inside me.

I think enough people are ok with it that they do have learning opportunities. Don't worry OP, just make very clear no students next time.

You may find there was a small sign with the waiting room about students being present.. That's what happens at ours! It's a tiny A4 size sign that you wouldn't even notice tbh. Although it's on the appointment letters that are sent out that it's a training hospital and a student may be present.. But you can always tell them your not comfortable with a student there..
The students know that some people don't want them present at all... And are fine with it. As are the drs.
It's horrible position to be in and you do have my empathy op.

Horrible though it obviously was for you, I suspect the the doctor and nurses who were with you are well used to it, and the student will, as someone has already said, learnt that examinations are never straightforward. Perhaps when you make the next appointment you can specify that you don't want anyone students there, and request all female staff if possible.

I had to have various breast examinations a while ago, and although nothing like as intrusive as internals, I spent a lot of the time staring into the space over the consultants shoulder and drawing up my shopping list whilst he poked, prodded, lifted and drew on my boobs! It helped to distance myself from what was actually happening.

Good luck next time.

I have a huge phobia of smear tests and have cried so many times. If I have a patient nurse who stops and gives me time to relax and take deep breaths I can manage it, but I've had ones who just have no patience and then it goes tits up. You're not alone!

You poor thing op. You weren't the first and won't be the last.
I'm as unbothered as it's possible to be about this stuff and yet still cried after my coil was inserted by a female dr. It's completely normal.

Yes being able to take your time is key for me too. I've had HCPs try to reassure me by saying "Oh I've seen it all before don't worry, let's just get it over with!" but that's not much use. I just need to feel like I'm in control and if I need them to stop they will. When I've explained this I've always had a caring and understanding response.

You should make a complaint about this, if you feel able to. It's really important that medical professionals learn to handle this kind of thing better.

All the best to you, please don't feel bad because this is NOT your fault.

I assume a nurse was present during this as the OP said she cried into her shoulder afterwards.

I find it shit that they don't tell you about students sitting in until you get into the appointment. I have no problem telling them to leave if that's what I want but I worry about those who feel they can't. Maybe it's done that way deliberately?

It would best for you to ask for a female doctor next time imo. I too have issues with abuse in my past and I would refuse to see a man for an intimate exam like this. I don't give a damn what anyone thinks of that.

I did exactly the same thing a few weeks ago: half way through appointment they announced they wanted to do a biopsy there and then.

I cried.

If I had known in advance (and wasn't on my period, and in pain) I would have been fine.

They made me feel like I was making a big fuss about nothing and I am still cross about it. Next appointment I am going to discuss it with them. It wasn't acceptable.

You absolute have nothing to feel embarrassed about! They will have seen this type of reaction (and worse) many times before - I guarantee you won't be the first or the last.

I have a huge phobia of smear tests and physical exams. I had 4 unsuccessful attempts at a smear test on the past (both my gp and the hospital gynochologist tried). I made such a scene - hysterical crying etc. They didn't bat and eyelid and said it was nothing new.

I would definitely recommend making an appointment to talk to the doctor about it because there are loads of things they can do to help. This could be as simple as tips like wear a long skirt so you don't actually have to completely strip off your bottom half (mumsnet is great for this sort of advice as well!), to specifying which nurse to ask for (my gp does my exam with a very experienced nurse with her). Or even prescribing some diazepam or something to take just before the examination. And yes to asking for a female doctor - anything which will help you to feel more at ease can only be a good thing.

Shahrazad - please complain about the biopsy. No one should just be told that they are having a procedure. It should be discussed between you and your doctor. You are entitled to have all the information necessary for you to come to an informed decision. How are you able to give your consent if you are not aware of the facts?

Notmeagain: "They look at bums all day and are always professional (you've seen one, you've seen them all attitude), but do not know all of you back history."

We're talking about gynaecologists here. I'm fairly sure they're not looking at bums all day.

i got asked to have a student there at a coil fitting, Student was already there when they asked. I said no and that i was nervous enough without a student there

The "don't worry I've seen it all before" speech often given by HCP, offers no comfort to an embarrassed or nervous patient. This attitude is very disrespectful and shows a lack of empathy. In the same way, offering a female chaperone doesn't make an examination by a male HCP any more palatable.

I hope you feel a bit better now OP. My sister was having an internal and the doctor asked if he could bring in some students. She had been through so much that she felt, 'what the hell' and said ok. About half a dozen students trooped in through the door to stare at her bits, when she realized to her horror that one of the boys was her son's best friend, a boy she'd known nearly all his life and who was constantly round at her house, and now he was at the foot of her bed!

I had a colonoscopy two weeks ago and started panic breathing and burst into tears the moment the consultant walked into the room, so you are not alone. I felt like a loser but he did hug me!

I am starting to think there is too much of a 'man up culture' and it puts too much pressure on people. It isn't weak to cry.

I had a student fit my coil Branleuse. He was a trainee Ob/GYN.

I went along with it with the 'they have to learn' mantra rolling through my brain.

Well, what he learnt that day is some women scream when you insert a coil