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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

should I tell her to sod off ?

43 replies

joannathecorkscrew · 19/10/2014 17:13

DP and I have been together 2 years, he's a builder and he has a mate who has a tenant, a single woman late 40's, quite attractive, dresses well. She had a water leak and called her landlord (this mate) who was out of the country, so his wife called DP and asked if he's go around and sort it out, which he did....

That was over a fortnight ago now and she keeps texting him with silly little jobs. This morning DP got a text from her at 7am, as we were expecting a message from his DD and he was asleep, so I read it. It was this tenant woman. What got me was - she made a crack in it about an old frilly skirt of hers that DP used as rag. As well as some gossipy remarks about her neighbours. It was just that little bit too familiar I thought. I texted her back saying 'He is asleep now but I'll pass this on to him, can I help you?' Her reply was much more sober. no kisses ...

I asked DP about it, turns out he'd been round her place again in the week. He laughed and told me there's nothing going on. But he had gone around her place after work to do little jobs as a favour for his mate. I'm being pathetically insecure I know... What would you much more strong-minded MNers do ? Confront her or grow just up.?

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 19/10/2014 17:14

Confront her?

No.

Deal with DH.

SophiaPetrillo · 19/10/2014 17:16

Why would you confront her? Speak to your DP, don't involve her. You'll look like a tool otherwise.

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 19/10/2014 17:16

I think if you confront her you will look a bit unhinged. Do you trust you DH?

gamerchick · 19/10/2014 17:17

I don't think I would like that and I'm not the jealous type.

This isn't the first time you've posted about this is it? I'm a big fan of gut instinct.. especially when they say there's nothing going on.. why say that? Maybe it's just an ego boost for him but I wouldn't like it.

Nomama · 19/10/2014 17:18

Tell him how he looks - like a skivvy for his mate and this woman, who seems to think if she flirts a little he will come running, any time of day or night.

He looks like a twat, easily manipulated by a woman who flutters her eyelashes at him. He needs to get some dignity back!

ThatBloodyWoman · 19/10/2014 17:20

Your dh is aware of the content of the texts to you and by the sounds of it, it isn't rocket science to see that they might be unsettling to you, and flity on her part.
He's being a tosser if he's laughing it off with you.
Probanly nothing is going on, as such, but he seems to be enjoying the flattery despite your upset.

He needs to sort it.

OraProNobis · 19/10/2014 17:20

OP - if he's going to cheat then he's going to cheat. It might be with her or some other woman. I'd have thought he'd be more likely to keep it more hidden than this but my point is you really can't go ruining your life worrying about this every single time he comes across a woman. If you don't trust him is there a reason for that? If no reason and you don't trust him should you even be with him?

ThatBloodyWoman · 19/10/2014 17:21

To him, sorry, not you...

Original poster

joannathecorkscrew · 19/10/2014 17:22

I suppose I didn't really mean confront as in, bang on her door, scream at her. But y'know... actually I don't really know what I meant. I trust him totally but I think I'm just a bit pissed off that she's reaching out for him every time she has a lightbulb pop or a picture that needs straightening.

OP posts:

ChippingInLatteLover · 19/10/2014 17:23

No, I wouldn't confront her.

I would ask DH why she was texting him at 7 am on a Sunday morning to 'laugh' about a skirt, gossip about the neighbours & putting kisses on the end of her messages. I'd ask him if you were having these flirty conversations with a bloke how happy he'd be about it...

I wouldn't say 'grow up' no, but I would say that you need to talk to your DH, not 'tell him off' or 'demand he doesn't do it' iyswim.

OwlCapone · 19/10/2014 17:23

Welcome to MN.

ChippingInLatteLover · 19/10/2014 17:25

xposted with you :)

ChippingInLatteLover · 19/10/2014 17:25

owl do you not think you might have namechanged if it was you posting this?

gamerchick · 19/10/2014 17:25

You could be the most trusting have the most solid relationship in the world but if a woman makes your spidey senses tingle then it is what it is.

My husband would have to have a woman lie naked across his lap to take a hint and giving him the come on is pointless.. I still wouldn't like it though and would make my feelings known in the matter.

ArkhamOffett · 19/10/2014 17:27

What she does or says isn't anything you can address. Your DH is the one who owes you a discussion about this.

TzuByTwo · 19/10/2014 17:30

There was a woman who works with my husband who had him doing odd jobs for her in her new flat, but rather than confront her about it, I spoke to my husband. I told him that it was all well and good, and very nice of him to help her out a couple times, but that she was starting to take the piss in my eyes. He respected that, and it was the end of it.

Hatespiders · 19/10/2014 17:31

7am on a Sunday is totally out of order unless there's an urgent/ life-threatening situation. Your dp should have told her in no uncertain terms to stop this.
I agree with Chipping; your dp wouldn't be happy if there was a guy texting you in a flirty way like this.
Talk to him calmly and explain you're not happy about it and suggest he distance himself a bit. She only needs help if things are urgent, so he should make this clear to her.

gamerchick · 19/10/2014 17:42

Well this is it.. ask him if he would be comfortable you being some dudes first thought in the morning.

Original poster

joannathecorkscrew · 19/10/2014 17:45

Yes it's the 7am text that did it. That's what made me want to say something to her. It's his fault, he is a soft touch and would always help someone if he could. But if that was me and some bloke I'd encountered it would never have got to this flirty text stage. He's a cock for letting it get to this.

OP posts:

Nomama · 19/10/2014 17:51

Yup! So tell him he is. Let his male ego do the rest.

DH can be much the same, so I know how you feel. Not so much insecure as furious, but still a little naggle at the back of your brain, cos she seems happy to flirt!

DH has never given me pause for thought (well there was a black velvet bow, but it turned out the bitch it was attached to was a year old, 4-legged and definitely a Doberman) but sometimes you just get tired of 'understanding'.

Itsfab · 19/10/2014 17:53

Did he volunteer that nothing was going on before or after you asked him if there was anything going on?

Seems your pretending to be a grown up husband is enjoying a flirtation with someone who thinks she is important enough to him to text him at 7am on a Sunday morning.

notagainffffffffs · 19/10/2014 17:54

Noo yanbu id tell him to refer her to another tradesman

LIZS · 19/10/2014 17:59

Block her and tell mate to get someone else next time she calls him. How do you know her status , what she looks like etc ? Has something happened before to make you suspicious ?

MagnificentMaleficent · 19/10/2014 18:04

So he had been round to see her and you didn't know?

His reply would bother me more than the text - which I would find an irritation.

Nomama · 19/10/2014 18:08

But he is a builder and so will be popping in and out of houses with women in them all the time, Magnificent Such behaviour is part and parcel of the job, which is why he was contacted by his mate's wife in the first place!

He just needs a reminder/sharp elbow to the ribs, he should be working, earning a living, not responding to a flirty bint, even if she is his mate's tenant and she needs some help getting sorted in her new home.

She will doubtless continue to ask for freebie help and he will continue to give it, he is a builder, a mate and a soft touch. OP just needs to remind him he is being taken for a mug and looks a bit daft!

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