Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

aibu to think my sis should wait before dumping her cat?

57 replies

Possiblynot · 19/10/2014 01:04

I need some grounding here, as I am so v mad at my sister, all I am seeing is red mist! Or am I being a complete cow/unreasonable?!

My sis is a single parent to 3 boys, (12,7 and 14 months). She is in rented accom which is too small for all 3. (The youngest is with her 3 nights/wk - don't get me going on that one!) Her cat she has had for about 5 - 7 years I think.

However even though she is not out of contract on her current house, so no risk of being homeless etc, she has seen a bigger one that she loves and has decided she wants it. But the cat can't come.

Now personally, I would wait for a house that accepts one cat, rather than dumping it on already stretched rehoming centers. I have volunteered in one of these centers and it destroys the animals. They come in scared and timid. If they don't adapt, I have seen them stay in the shelter indefinitely. With my sis cats age, I fear she will be in shelter for a long time.

It just feels that because her cat doesn't fit into her plans then she is being treated as collateral damage to be passed on/forgotten. I know its hard and I do sympathise with her situation, but it just feels she is rushing into things a bit.

I would love to give her cat a forever home, but I have 2 myself, and they would never forgive me!

Aibu to expect her to wait until another property comes up? Feel free to slap me if I am!

OP posts:

raltheraffe · 19/10/2014 10:31

I agree with you OP. She is being horribly selfish.

I do think you should take the cat though. So what if it upsets your other cats for a while? They should adapt eventually.

Lweji · 19/10/2014 10:44

If she moves out and takes the cat with her, she is still re-homing it.

Cats don't get really attached to people as dogs do, but they do to places and moving is stressful for them.

I agree that she shouldn't take it to a shelter unless really necessary, but I do agree that in addition to posting here, you could be helping to re-home the cat.

DizzyKipper · 19/10/2014 11:14

OP is the house genuinely too small to house all of her family or is this a case of feeling each child should have their own room? That does make a difference to the answer imo. My childhood home was a 3 bedroom between 2 adults and 4 children (and at 1 point this included 2 dogs, 8 cats, amongst other smaller pets - birds, fish, reptiles, rodents). I shared with my sis and my 2 bros shared - the rooms were standard size not massive. It never occurred to me we needed a bigger house, and apparently didn't occur to my parents either. I know full well that had my parents ever decided to get rid of our animals because they wanted a bigger house I would have been really upset with them, to me pets are family, you don't just dump them because it's convenient. What do her children think about it?

I do think valuing and respecting lives is a much more important lesson to teach children than the importance of materialism. This is assuming that's it's a case of "they need a room each" though. If it genuinely isn't big enough to house them all properly then yes children do come first, and if she's already been hanging on for as long as she feels she can waiting for the right house then I can understand her giving up and deciding to part with the cat instead.

milkpudding · 19/10/2014 11:32

I hate just leaving your pet in a shelter though. Shelters are often stressful for animals and an older animal may never be re homed.

Find a new home yourself.
If the shelter thinks they can find a home, give a donation along with your pet.
If the chance of finding a new home was very low I think it is kinder to put the animal down rather than leave them in a shelter for years.

milkpudding · 19/10/2014 11:34

When you take on a pet you take on responsibility. You don't have to keep the animal forever if you really can't, but you are responsible for finding a new home or making arrangements. I hate that people just leave their animals with a charity and expect the charity to fund finding a new home.

Mammanat222 · 19/10/2014 11:42

Who is going to be checking if she has a pet or not)? 9

Mammanat222 · 19/10/2014 11:48

Sorry DS is running his toy cars over my laptop!!

If I understand correctly the reason she is "dumping" cat is because she isn't allowed it in her new property.

Is it private housing or social housing? If it is the latter who is going to be checking - just a thought??

Gileswithachainsaw · 19/10/2014 11:51

If this place is really perfect for them then she should take it. However she should enquire about if the cat could come if she pays a but more or agrees to foot the bill of any damage etc. But tbh if she doesn't even have her child there full time I don't see why she would care about the cat. A shelter should be last resort though. And she is incredibly unreasonable if said cat is not home ready. By that I mean car should be neutered and vaccinated wormed and De flea'd so if it does come to it then cat has the best chance of getting a home.

I'd hope also she should put some effort into re homing. Not just dump it on a shelter. Whether she takes the cat or not the poor thing should still feature in the decision in the sense of time scales allowing her to find a home first, searching for alternative accommodation that cat can come with them, enquiring about whether there is anything she can do to take cat with her, ( will current land lord wrote a reference to say cat isn't a problem and not caused any damage)

It shouldn't be such an "oh well never mind" decision

Theherbofdeath · 19/10/2014 12:07

I would encourage her to take the bigger place and smuggle the cat in, unless for some reason it's highly likely that the landlord will find out. Assuming it's not the kind of cat that wees on the carpet.

kali110 · 19/10/2014 12:32

Please take the cat op.we had two and took another in another stray.it has taken year or two but it has all settled down now. We couldnt leave last stray out, its been nicking food and hiding in the garden for years ?? there's another that's been stray for even longer thats in such a bad way. We thought we'd taken in the last but there you go, looks like theres going to be another!
We would never abondon our animals. Whever we go, they go.
Don't agree that cats are stuck to places and not people.when i got with my bf the one cat and moved in, he loved me. Never leaves my side. When i get in from work he's waiting by the door ??
I agree with others. When you take on a pet, you don't take them on only to dump them a few years later.

Stampysladygarden · 19/10/2014 12:35

It can be really tough for single parents to find places to rent. I'm a single parent and been told by agents and landlords they just don't want one because they see it as a risk.

Housing is a priority and if she has found one she should take it.

Beng a single parent can come with added difficulties which may well mean children need additional space.

Latara · 19/10/2014 12:43

If she doesn't want her baby full time (how can she not!) then she's not going to be bothered about what happens to the cat sadly..

I agree that you should try to rehome it, definitely don't give it to the RSPCA because they pts animals they can't rehome. It's still young enough to have a fresh start.

gentlehoney · 19/10/2014 13:01

I am not keen on the suggestion that because she doesn't have the youngest child full time she doesn't care for him, or cant be bothered.
Presumably the child has loving care from his father the rest of the time, and this might be the best thing for him at the moment, which is surely what every parent wants?

purpleteapig · 19/10/2014 13:14

I used to work for an animal shelter and became heartily sick of the number of animals brought in because the owners were simply 'moving house'. My opinion is that a pet is part of the family and barring extreme circumstances (serious illness etc) people should make the effort to keep their pets, even if it means making a sacrifice. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all, OP.
Years back I couldn't move into my dream flat as I had chinchillas and everyone was saying 'why not rehome them?', but to me that is unacceptable - I held out until I found somewhere that allowed them.

moaningminnie2 · 19/10/2014 13:15

YABU Your sister is quite rightly putting the needs of her family before an animal.
can't believe anyone could argue otherwise

theonlygothinthevillage · 19/10/2014 13:18

Agree your sister should try her best to keep the cat. Rescue centres should be a last resort. Can't she take the cat to the house without telling the landlord? This is always what I've done. Finding suitable, affordable accommodation is hard enough without dealing with landlord sniffiness about pets (and of course they have a deposit to cover damage).

theonlygothinthevillage · 19/10/2014 13:19

Your sister is quite rightly putting the needs of her family before an animal.

The cat is part of the family. Animals are not disposable accessories.

moaningminnie2 · 19/10/2014 13:24

The cat is part of the family

Bollocks!!

theonlygothinthevillage · 19/10/2014 13:28

What a delightful person you must be, moaning.

whois · 19/10/2014 13:37

If she is living in accommodation which is too small, the children have to come first.

I would PTS thoigh rather than risk the poor thing living in a cage in kitty jail for the rest of its natural life.

mollypup · 19/10/2014 13:42

Some of the people on here are the perfect example of why there are so many overflowing rescues.

A pet is a commitment. They're not handbags, tables or cars that you can just hand over to someone else when you don't like them anymore.

It shows how dire the situation with pets is now when its preferable to kill them!

purpleteapig · 19/10/2014 13:44

I hope you don't have animals, moaning - sounds like you'd get rid at the slightest incionvenience.
Pets, particularly dogs and cats, are part of the family. When you take on the responsibility of an animal, you're committing to look after it for the rest of its life, paying for any necessaries, medical bills etc.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 19/10/2014 14:18

"The tenancy has another 8 months to run as she has just signed up for a year."

It's going to cost her a lot of money to persuade the current landlord to agree to surrender her tenancy. If they would agree to it at all. Which s/he is not obliged to.

I have a feeling that once she understands what the position is with regard to her rental she'll put the idea of this move "on hold" for a bit.

If she had half a heart or any compassion she wouldn't be considering giving up her cat for rehoming. For some it's just a deferred death-sentence. Cat rescues are full-to-bursting, and people looking for a cat aren't necessarily wanting an adult as I am certain the OP is well-aware.

Dieu · 19/10/2014 15:10

I personally wouldn't judge your sister so harshly. Who's to say when another suitable property for her and her children would come up? I would use your contacts to help find another home for the cat.

MassaAttack · 19/10/2014 16:26

Who is her youngest with the rest of the week? If he's with his dad I don't understand your judgmental attitude, particularly given that they're overcrowded.

The oldest boy needs space and an atmosphere conducive to getting homework done and being a teenager. The new place (and she'll be hard pushed to find a landlord willing to accept pets) addresses this. As the younger two get bigger, she'll need the space even more.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread