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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell DP to sleep on sofa bed

27 replies

FlusterFairy1 · 19/10/2014 00:38

DP says he had bad nights sleep again because of my snoring. I work blinking long hours to pay for my lovely, warm, comfy flat, good food to cook and eat and nice car to drive. He lives week nights with me rent free. I love to snuggle up in bed at night and sleep. My snoring doesn't bother me!!! I told him he can use ear plugs and or sleep on the sofa bed.

OP posts:
ChippingInLatteLover · 19/10/2014 00:39

Wise woman :)

YANBU At All

Sapat · 19/10/2014 00:40

DH sleeps on the sofa bed. The dust in our bedroom make his allergies worse. So either he learns to use the Hoover, or he sleeps on the sofa. Sorted, king size bed to myself!

ilovesooty · 19/10/2014 00:50

Tell the cocklodger to sleep on the doorstep.

HoneyDragonMumshnet · 19/10/2014 00:53

I have a kingsize bed all to myself dh has the little bed elsewhere Grin

sykadelic · 19/10/2014 01:06

Snoring is a problem. You should book an appointment for a sleep assessment to see if you have sleep apnea. If you do, you aren't actually getting a good nights sleep and your snoring (or rather your airway collapsing) might be bothering you but you don't realise.

If it's not sleep apnea there are things to "solve" your snoring.

I used to snore, haven't for almost 12 months now, since being diagnosed with sleep apnea and having a CPAP, and my husband is able to sleep in our bed again and I'm less likely to die in my sleep from the lack of oxygen.

DejaVuAllOverAgain · 19/10/2014 07:46

Maybe the OP is quite happy to keep snoring (assuming it is just snoring), after all it's lovely having a bed to yourself.

YANBU

Numanoid · 19/10/2014 12:06

Someone snoring when you're trying to sleep is awful. I have ear plugs (DP snores, very loudly!), wish I didn't have to wear them, especially as they've now started to give me earache at times. Confused Although if we're away from home and I've forgotten them I can kiss goodbye to a good sleep! I realise it can't be helped though.

In your case, OP, I would say YANBU if he isn't paying any rent. Only unreasonable if he was paying his fair share and not getting to sleep in the bed.

Trills · 19/10/2014 12:27

YABU to think that "my snoring doesn't bother me" is good enough.

Are there other issues in the relationship that mean that you don't want him to sleep with you? If not I can't see why you wouldn't at least look into what you could do to reduce your snoring.

Shlep · 19/10/2014 12:41

YABU. Snoring is your problem, so you should sleep on the Sofabed.

Siarie · 19/10/2014 12:42

YABU

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 19/10/2014 12:45

YANBU.

If he doesn't like your snoring or your sofa bed then he should find somewhere else to live rent free.

CSIJanner · 19/10/2014 12:45

Do you have a cold? I find that I snore if I have one or in my carefree, ore-children days, if I had a large night.

Your home, your bed. He's living rent free on weeknights? If he has a problem, sod off to the travellodge.

whois · 19/10/2014 13:21

Depends if you want the relationship to work I giess? If you don't really like him, and view him as a cocklodger (implied by saying he stays for free) then yeah keep your bed to yourself, but doesn't sound like the relationship will last.

If you actually want to be together as a couple, and you think sharing a bed is part of that, then you should probably try and do something about your snoring.

CrashDiveOnMingoCity · 19/10/2014 14:36

I cannot believe the OP is being told to move out of her own bedroom in her own home. The DP isn't contributing financially, therefore he gets less say IMO.

DoughnutSelfie · 19/10/2014 14:40

What syka said

Excessive snoring can have severe health implications

Sorry

RaisingMen · 19/10/2014 14:40

I can't believe anyone would just accept sleeping separately to their partner over something that can be so easily sorted. YABU. It doesn't even sound like you like him that much.

RaisingMen · 19/10/2014 14:40

I can't believe anyone would just accept sleeping separately to their partner over something that can be so easily sorted. YABU. It doesn't even sound like you like him that much.

Alisvolatpropiis · 19/10/2014 14:42

Yabu and clearly have no idea how frustrating having a partner who snores is. Because it is never the snorer who only gets 3 hours of sleep a night.

MrsPiggie · 19/10/2014 14:49

Yabu, sleeping with a snorer is awful. But if you'd rather sleep in different beds from your DP then get it sorted, that's your problem and you can do whatever you want.

WorraLiberty · 19/10/2014 15:25

It can be an utterly miserable existence, living with a snorer who refuses to do anything about it because it doesn't affect them personally.

But this guy doesn't have to live with you, so yes you're right to tell him he can sleep on the sofa.

I'm not sure why you've mentioned the rent free thing, but if you're happy to let him live like that, it's up to you.

UncleT · 19/10/2014 16:03

Cocklodger?? Why? Snoring can be pretty seriously disruptive.

Truelymadlysleepy · 19/10/2014 16:50

But it's not always easily sorted. DH is an horrific snorer & nothing can be done, he's seen an ENT specialist & we've tried every gadget known to man.
Ear plugs are hopeless if you're trying to sleep next to a pneumatic drill.
Sad

sykadelic · 19/10/2014 17:31

Truely so he's had a sleep study done?

Truelymadlysleepy · 19/10/2014 17:38

Is that the overnight monitoring thing? Yes, it's not sleep apnoea. He also had a 24 hour ECG.
The ENT bods didn't feel surgery or laser treatment would be effective.

backbystealth · 19/10/2014 17:50

Snoring is a killer, I do sympathise with your dp but agree it's your flat that you pay for and therefore he needs to move his arse to the sofa.