To be a nanny and to like money

[OhReallyDear]

Ok, the title is a bit provocative but I am a little bit shocked sometimes by the things some employers say to me.

There are the people who don't want to pay taxes, of course. But I also have been told many times "Well, I wish I was paid to sit down and watch TV too" or "I wish I was paid that much to play with Lego all day" Well do it, love, what stops you?

I recently worked as a temp nanny. The mother told me that it would be a lot to pay. It maybe is, but I had worked those hours, I sure deserve to be paid.
I felt guilty and thought that maybe, I should ask less.

The worst is the paid holidays... Most of the people don't even imagine that a nanny deserves paid holidays. And lord know I need them when I am working 50 to 60 hours a week.

I understand it can be frustrating to pay someone to stay with your child, but I don't force them, do I?

AIBU to think that Nanny is a real job, that I should not be ashamed to be paid every hour, to ask to be paid the going rate, to be paid even for babysitting or to have paid holidays?

I think you've had a run of shocking employers and that's not what most normal people think

Even if youre paid a good salary an awful lot of the time they earn more or they wouldn't need a nanny - sure there's some who just break even and are doing it to keep their hand in the game and juggle a lot til their kidsg go to school but there's still plenty of employers who earn a lot more

I can't even imagine anyone thinking nannying is easy

Anyone who entertains small children all day knows how tiring it can be

I certainly don't think you should have to work for anyone who actually TELLS you that they think such nonsense!

Of course it's a real and important job. You are caring for their most valuable 'possessions' all day.

I do feel a slight sense of envy towards our nanny sometimes though, although would never express it to her. My reason is that she gets to see the best of DS and spend lovely, quality time with him, without having to do the boring household chores that I would be trying to do if I were at home.

But I choose to do different work (which involves spending lots of time with other people's children!) and I respect her job as equally important.

Sorry you meet such idiots!

YANBU. When I taught yr1 I used to get a lot of comments about 'playing in sand all day'. Yep, that's all I ever did, every day....

Course it's a real job! And it's a bit rich coming from people who obviously earn so much that they can afford a nanny.

I am a sahm to preschoolers and I think you deserve paid well for doing all that I do for someone's else's children. I wouldn't let them undermine your sense of worth. They are not looking after their children themselves. They wanted someone to do it in the home environment. They can pay for it.

YANBU!

I've had some awful slave driving employers who seem to think they aren't getting their money's worth with just 30 hours of unpaid overtime a week.

Some people are disgusting but then there are wonderful families who appreciate what a difficult job it really is.

Yanbu Some people are really mean. I would find looking after someone else's kids really hard work. It's bad enough for some nannies but some au pairs have it even worse.

Those are awful comments but do be aware of the cost. I am a GP, so a fairly well paid professional. By the time I pay tax, then pay my nanny, she gets 80% of my take home pay. If it weren't for the fact that a long career break makes it difficult to get back into medicine, it really wouldn't be worth working. And I do think nannies are relatively well paid compared to, say, some health professionals (nurses,ODPs etc) when you take into account the level of training.

However that doesn't excuse the comments and I have always paid my nanny properly, offered paid leave etc because it is a job and as an employer you have the responsibility to do that.

Yanbu! The amount of shit I've put up with from past employers is mad. My current employers are amazing, respect my time, pay me early, never quibble about tax and ni, etc. I never realised that employers like that exists given that every employer I've had to date has been aggrieved about something. One particularly would never pay on time, because it's not like I have rent to pay and partial payment is okay, right?

My last employer, after I gave notice, told me that a professional nanny stayed in a job longer than a year. I'd been working six/seven days a week between two employers and ad hoc just to not let her down after I got stitched over by a previous employer and just couldn't do it anymore. Given the choice between a very reliable 10 hrs three days a week or a before/after school position three days a week in term time only and the propensity to change my hours last minute or just not pay me with no warning for hours cancelled last minute, I had no choice but to go for the financially viable option! She was not happy but it was a rock and a hard place situation.

Some people seem to think that we exist just to serve them, as if we don't have other work, commitments or a life to juggle outside of work. It's really difficult because I love my job, and the parents have been lovely for the most part, but they just do not comprehend our need to have a stable income or relatively stable hours. I can do flexible, but not "we need you to block off two full days a week just incase we need you for 6-12 of the 16 hours you'll be awake."

It, unfortunately goes with the under valuing of all domestic work. It is why so many shm's have such a difficult time with their spouses and why domestic labour is so piteously paid.

It's bollocks. Of course. You do an amazing job. It is hard and relentless work and you are worth every penny and probably more.

YANBU! Stick to your rates and make sure you give notice if they won't pay. It's a job they don't want to do,fine, they have to pay. If they think you are slacking off on the job (watching tv etc) then that's another issue. These are the sorts of people who dump their nanny/childcare once they get to school and then assume another mum who works part-time or is sahm will want to take them. Piss-takers in other words.

Asleep I do feel a slight sense of envy towards our nanny sometimes though, although would never express it to her. My reason is that she gets to see the best of DS and spend lovely, quality time with him, without having to do the boring household chores that I would be trying to do if I were at home. But I choose to do different work

How can you 'envy' your nanny for spending time with your son, when you have chosen not to? You wouldn't have to be doing any other chores than your nanny does, you would be choosing to do them in that time - you would still have the option of doing them whenever they get done now.

OP YANBU

I'm a nanny and have met this attitude many a time. How much pocket money do you earn? What preparing do you need to do, it's just playing isn't it? Must be nice sitting down all day!

I do 60 hours a week base, plus babysitting and most days I finish up to an hour late. I earn my pay! My boss keeps comparing my pay to people at her work, you get paid more than the new recruits at work who have a degree etc. I have to bite my tongue, all I wan to say is well.... I get paid a decent wage but I did do four years childcare training and have references and experience which together is worth a ton more in my role than a degree. And I'm at the top of my pay, I'm earning about the highest you can in my role in my area. I have no career progression, no bonus, no pay raises.

I have a group of friends who work in proper office jobs in London. They house share. They were shocked that I earn enough to afford a two bed flat, alone, just my wages. Like they knew I was a nanny but just equated that with poor pay, not a real job. Can't dissuade with em with sounding like an arse!

A job is a job you deserve FAIR PAY ...For a... TRAINED NANNY..with UN-SOCIALABLE hours... People will try to cut costs and care ...find out the going rate for a Nanny in the area you are working.. from the local authority and charge somewhere within that range each area has guidelines as to the wage per hour etc you can expect

I never was a nanny, but I was paid to look after someone else's small children and it was ghastly. The older child was never put to bed by his parents until midnight (I found out afterwards) so was like a little madman and the little one, who was lovely, got into their en suite and drank from a bottle of perfume, half an hour before I was supposed to pick her brother up from school. Terrifying, while another friend was working in the parents' dress shop and getting paid more.

It is amazing how people can ask you to look after the precious people in their lives and then mistreat and undervalue you.

Sometimes I do doubt they are the most precious people in their lives though...

chipping just being honest and trying to explain my perspective.

I'm not saying I would have to do those chores then, just that I would. It's pretty difficult doing them when I do, so they would definitely be done in daylight hours! I am imperfect. Our family works best with me working out of the home. I wish I spent more time with my child. That's quite normal!

The attitude I love is when people ask 'are you still doing the babysitting Rabbit'
Yes because its just like holding the fort while parents pop out for the evening spending 50 hours plus a week caring for someone elses child, to be the one they get fed up seeing and the one that has to say 'no' to them when anything goes with their Disney parents.

YANBU from an ex-nanny.

Yanbu

Our nanny does a great job. I wish I could pay her more! I make sure I'm flexible for her annual leave I pay her on time and give her a decent bonus. It costs me dear (can't afford holidays for example) but she is worth every penny.

I do envy her - so much so we are looking to move out of london into a cheaper property so I can reduce my work hours. But means we'd probably have to make her redundant!

You're right Asleep, just because you're choosing to work to keep on top of your profession doesn't invalidate your feelings of envy for your nanny. And you're also right that the difference with a decent grown up employer is they would never articulate this to the nanny! I'm now a SAHM, so now instead of guilt and envy about children, I have guilt and envy about my career! It's normal! And thanks for staying in medicine, I think people forget this is the female doctor they will probably request specifically at some point.

Agree that it sounds like OP had some pretty bad experiences with parents, but I think some of these comments from others are patronising about working parents who are trying to do their best by their children by getting a nanny. I'm sure there are lots of bad eggs, but surly the majority who choose to have a nanny don't outwardly resent the cost or time spent with children?

You are right, I remember when being a nanny (before dd) my auntie asked me outright "when was I planning to find a find a real job?"

That didn't go down well with me

I think it depends how much per hour you charge tbh.

Some nanny's do take the mic with their rate per hour.

The more I think about it, the worse it sounds that these employers are discussing money in this way!

My employer (I'm a teacher) would never mention how much I earn, apart from in an annual salary review meeting or a formal request from me for a discussion about it.

I offer a salary (annually reviewed and raised) and my nanny chooses to accept it. If she works overtime, I pay her and I always ask if she wants to do it - she has her own life to lead, it is never assumed that she's free, even for an extra half hour.

Some of these employers sound dreadful, but nannies are of course free to look for a different position with better employers, as are most of us.