Does Anyone Live with a Parent? Feeling the stress?

[bigbluestars]

I find it quite hard at times.

Yes a million times over. 18 more months for me...

We're currently staying with DP's parents for just a few days and our stress levels are through the roof with the questions, the interfering, the martyrdom, the constant commentary on what the neighbours are doing, the guilt trips..... I take my hat off to both of you if you are even vaguely sane. for you and hope things change soon x

Thanks. I am finding things more difficult than I thought.

I lived with my mil for 8 months whilst renovating a house, pre- DC. She's lovely and it was still very hard! My sympathies, I would never do it again!

We have been living with my mum since we sold our house in May and I'm finding it hard. The first couple of months were ok, but I'm struggling with the lack of privacy and how cluttered and full the house is. My mum is lovely but she always wants to know the ins and outs of everything. She's also an expert guilt tripper! I broke my foot at the beginning of Sept, so haven't been able to drive or walk far so there's been no escape! I definitely feel your pain! It's like regressing back to being a teenager!

I don't live with my parents but spend a lot of time with them when they come for long visits. It can be hard. My mum is fab - would do anything for me - but can be just a bit overbearing and I feel like a child again!

Not since I was almost sixteen. But I did live with my MIL for the best part of three years. Due to unforeseen circumstances it looks like we will be returning to MIL house to live again. I can manage visiting for a few weeks here and there and MIL is the loveliest woman I have ever had the pleasure of meeting but I'm actually dreading being there FT now we will have a DS in tow.

So in some respects I feel your pain

DD came back home to live on a couple of occasions and it was ghastly.

You may not be having much fun, but your parents may not be either.

Father has just had to go into a Nursing Home but for the last three or four years he had lived with us.

It isn't easy, it takes the right combination of people and some serious ground rules. It is really also important that everyone has their own space.

It worked well for us but I would not lightly recommend it to anyone.

DH and I moved in with his parents and we there for almost 18 months. for a large building it was always kind of crowded and it felt like every decision was made by committee. THere's also something about living under someones roof and thus having to follow their rules no matter how.... odd, as a general rule if I was running late for dinner everyone would wait till I got back, no matter how late that was or how ruined the food would be :/ It was also quite difficult because my darling DH will do anything to get out of actually parenting, so it always weighed on me that when I went out I wasn't actually leaving DD with DH I was leaving her with his parents, because he'd bugger off into the study and leave them all to it :/

It's relieving to not all be in the same house now, but I still get "Mum doesn't think you should go out tonight because you were out x nights ago / last week" and his mum never says it to me so I'm still never quite sure whether she won't say it to me but that's how she feels or if he's saying him mum has issues with it when actually he does because he knows I won't question her...

It isn't easy OP.
Four generations of us live under one roof and most of the time we get on very well. Although there are regular air-clearing flare ups when people overstep boundaries.

It is quite traditional in Italian families like ours for large numbers of people to pile in together but I know it isn't for everyone. I suspect that multi generational living is going to become more and more common as the property market is squeezed tighter and tighter.

We did it for 8 months, for me it was tolerable. Dh felt more stress than I did as I was at work all day and he was home doing the kid thing.

Currently at DM with two kids its hell

We've been back with my parents for a year. So generous of them and they help loads but God I cant wait until I leave!!!

Oh my God yes we have lived with DM for 10 years and it drives me insane, in fact it drives DH and the DC's insane too!
However DM is likely to have Dementia but in the early stages and is a bit loopy (not technical term) and will get worse. However at this point she is not bad enough for me to be able to have power of attorney etc. So at the moment everyone thinks she's just crazy. If it's the same as my gran it'll probably be another 10 years or so unless she does something really silly.
However I'd love her to stop having a go at DD which she does all the time. She also is trying to live between her house (which we share with her) and grans house which she's just inherited.
She's suppose to be deciding on who lives in which house but she changes her mind every week so we can't officially sort it out!!!!
Sorry ranted rather.

Advice is - Deep breath and choose your battles!

Due to unforseen circumstances it's been 8 months since my DiL, DS and DGCs had to move in with us, and no end in sight. Never did it occur to us to leave them homeless. Yes it's hard for them not having their own space. It's hard for us too. My DH and I both work still, woken up in middle of night with crying DGCs, losing our privacy and space overtaken by an ever increasing amount of baby paraphernalia. Not what we had in mind for our 60s. But at the moment it is how it is. Children are for life whatever their age. Sorry if it's not good enough for some of you. I will be delighted to see mine go because it means they have got back on their feet.

I lived with my parents with my dd til she was 23 months.

I hated the lacked privacy, my mum even more so and ended up asking for help from a member of the local council.

I moved out 6 weeks later and kept the relationship with my parents.

I have been at home for a couple of months - no end in sight and I'm really really struggling with it, if I want to go out the questions where I am going, who with, why, when will I be back, and if I'm not back at that certain time I get a call asking me where I am, if I'm not up by a certain time They come into my room asking me if I want to get up and te no knocking is driving me up the wall! I love them and am so grateful they are letting me stay here and it's helping me save up for my own place but please treat me as a adult!

It's not ideal really.

DH and I are staying with my parents temporarily as we've just moved back to the UK and the estate agents won't touch us with a barge pole.

So interesting to hear so many of you living with parents. Our situation is long term
My elderly mother lives in our home. She doesn't cook, does a little laundry which I am grateful for, but it;s the little things that bother me. OH and I were having a glsss of wine last night in the conservatory - and she came though to give us a ticking off. I bough a new top last week and found her wearing it. A lot of my clothes somehow end up in her bedroom. She throws away leftovers which I wanted to keep. She argues with the kids a lot- forever telling my DD to brush her hair because it looks like "rats tails".

It's either this or sheltered housing for her which she has made clear she won't consider.
That compounded by my sister ( who conveniently lives in Australia) forever giving me "advice" about our Mum- "make sure she takes her vitamins"- are you giving her a good enough diet" "has she had 5 portions of fruit and veg today" is her mobile phone topped up"

Sorry for ranting.

You must have the patience of a saint bigblue. Rant away,

Bloody hell big I'd be ranting too.

Mum kindly put us up for a few days earlier this year whilst we had our house rewired. I found it unbearably stressful and I was glad when we were able to move back. I couldn't really relax and added to that I was FULL of cold, sleep deprived and Dd1 had broken her foot and was in plaster up to her knee. I'm sure Mum was glad when we went home but she's too nice to say as much.

I take my hat off to folk who live with their parents for any length of time. It must be hard for both sides.

Thanks guys- it feels good to get things off my chest. She criticises me for not setting firmer bedtimes for my 17 years old. He goes to bed and watches stuff on his laptop. He works hard at school, never stays out late, is kind, considerate, doesn't drink or smoke, has lovely geeky friends.

She comes into my bedroom at midnight because she has seen a light on in his room. I gently remind her that her own daughter ( my sister ) was married at 16 and had emigrated to Australia with her husband.. I feel I am having it easy with my son. If he wants to watch youtube quietly in his bedroom at midnight that's his business. He is safe and at home and I am happy.

I think it's your mother you need to be setting firmer bedtimes for (!)

Good for you for keeping a cool attitude to your son, even with helpful comments from your DM - he sounds great!