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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To request the tv in my own house and not expect WW3?

66 replies

HrochBear · 18/10/2014 09:16

So last night DP had his kids over for the night as he does every weekend. They are 17 and 19 year old boys. They got here at 5pm and eldest immediately drags guitar and amplifier into the living room and starts thrashing away on that. I didn't say anything, just that I'd be wanting to watch tv a bit later on. I thought I'll leave them to it and go on the pc for an hour. At 7pm I say to DP (who was in there with him) "are we going to put tv on soon?" He replies "yeah but not yet"

7.30 I get fed up, I'd been at work all week and just wanted to relax on s Friday night with a glass of wine and my sofa. I go back into the living room and dp is now thrashing away on guitar, dss is on the playstation and dss2 is sat waiting to use the pc so I go in and say "can we put a bit of tv on now then?"

Well you would have thought I'd said "can anyone not directly related to me fuck off and never come back?"

Dp went mad, saying I was selfish, disrespectful, hated his kids, hated him and that if I'm so unhappy having his kids here we should just split up! dss1 was actually ok with it and just got on with it but dp dragged it out all night, wouldn't talk to me and basically made out as though he'd just caught me in bed with another bloke. Really horrible he was. He then made up that I'd told his kids to get out the room (untrue, I was actually hoping we could all watch tv together) and that I'm becoming less and less tolerant of the situation as time goes on. He then started slagging off my kids, listing all the stuff he has to "put up with" and going in about how he can't believe how selfish and out of order I am.

Just can't believe the over reaction to what was essentially a woman wanting to relax in her own living room. As soon as I came off the pc his youngest went on it anyway!

I honestly don't think I was BU to ask a 19 year old to turn off the play station and allow me to use the tv at getting on for 8pm on a Friday night. So I suppose I'm asking if DP was being unreasonable to over react in such a way that it's more or less ruined the entire weekend as we're not talking now :-( and after a hard stressful week at work I was really looking forward to this weekend.

I can't see why even if he did disagree with me, why couldn't we just talk about it and set some ground rules for main tv like a couple of adults?

OP posts:

Ohfourfoxache · 18/10/2014 18:04

Have you posted about this "man" before op?

He is undoubtedly an arsehole. Why are you putting up with this?

AmserGwin · 18/10/2014 18:23

LTB

Original poster

HrochBear · 18/10/2014 23:44

Well this morning he kind of apologised for "over reacting " although he still maintained it was my fault and I was in the wrong. He said he still believes it was me that caused the Thailand row too.
Anyway we've been ok since ... Apart from tonight where he suddenly decided "no I'm not coming with you to town tomorrow and I never said I was" (he blatantly did say he was and he knows it as I hate driving in city centre). I said he'd arranged to come with me so he was like "well if you want me to go you can stay here, we're not both going". So I'm not even allowed to go with him now or he won't go at all. Wtf is all that about?? Like I say we've been fine all day, this was just another blow up out of the blue. I just feel like crying all the time. Never felt so hated by someone close in all my life.

OP posts:

bananaleaf · 18/10/2014 23:53

That doesn't even make sense! (Re going into town)
I really feel for you, what an awful situation. It really sounds like you can't win and don't know where you stand. How long have you been together?

steff13 · 19/10/2014 00:16

I said he'd arranged to come with me so he was like "well if you want me to go you can stay here, we're not both going". So I'm not even allowed to go with him now or he won't go at all.

Let him go to town by himself tomorrow, and change the locks while he's gone. In other words, LTB.

firesidechat · 19/10/2014 06:25

Never felt so hated by someone close in all my life.

I understand this Hroch, but why oh why don't you hate him back. He sounds awful. A bit of a pig.

firesidechat · 19/10/2014 06:26

You have posted about this before, haven't you? Not this precise situation but about your partner.

WhereIsMYJonathanSmith · 19/10/2014 06:41

He is being an abusive and manipulative bastard. Punishing you for last evening.

Honestly get rid and find someone who really appreciates and cares for you.

Floundering · 19/10/2014 06:45

Whole bloody bunting of red flags here sweetheart, start making an exit plan while you can.

No on deserves to be treated like shit.

SignYourNameInBrownAndFlame · 19/10/2014 06:45

So what do you want to happen now, Hroch?

He isn't going to change - why should he, he's getting his own way as you give in for the sake of a quiet life? - so he isn't going to start magically respecting you and behaving better towards you.

You have two choices, as I see it. Continue to waste your precious time on someone who doesn't actually seem to like you very much, bringing your own DCs up in a tacit environment of "it's fine to treat/for a woman to be treated in this demeaning, belittling, disrespectful, second-class-citizen way", or you can take back control and self-respect and get out from under the shadow of his hair-trigger moods. (Whether that means you leaving or him leaving depends on whose house it is.)

FunkyBoldRibena · 19/10/2014 07:11

Wha is the house situation and are you working at the moment?

merrymouse · 19/10/2014 07:27

This has nothing to do with the rights and wrongs of tv.

Because you are human you are allowed to hold an opposing opinion and actually sometimes be a bit grumpy/wrong/unreasonable/fed up without threats, storming off and controlling behaviour.

What you can't do is stop him being an arse if that is what he really wants to do. You just don't have to stay with him.

lisucbgiberiocnha · 19/10/2014 07:47

whose house is it? You need to move on sorry

Callmegeoff · 19/10/2014 08:09

If this is new behaviour is there any chance he could be ill?

Penfold007 · 19/10/2014 08:20

HrochBear your 'D'P has made it perfectly clear he doesn't want to be with you. You can't even go 24 hours with out arguing. He won't leave as long as you roll over and let him treat you like Carl.

What are you going to do?

Hatespiders · 19/10/2014 11:51

You 'feel hated' and you 'feel like crying all the time'. So why are you just hanging around for more of the same? You're not powerless. It's no good crying or feeling rotten, you have to make a decision in order to sort this out. And there's only one decision. Start making plans and stop this misery once and for all. After the dust settles, you'll feel so good, you won't know yourself.

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