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AIBU?

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Original poster

To request the tv in my own house and not expect WW3?

66 replies

HrochBear · 18/10/2014 09:16

So last night DP had his kids over for the night as he does every weekend. They are 17 and 19 year old boys. They got here at 5pm and eldest immediately drags guitar and amplifier into the living room and starts thrashing away on that. I didn't say anything, just that I'd be wanting to watch tv a bit later on. I thought I'll leave them to it and go on the pc for an hour. At 7pm I say to DP (who was in there with him) "are we going to put tv on soon?" He replies "yeah but not yet" Hmm

7.30 I get fed up, I'd been at work all week and just wanted to relax on s Friday night with a glass of wine and my sofa. I go back into the living room and dp is now thrashing away on guitar, dss is on the playstation and dss2 is sat waiting to use the pc so I go in and say "can we put a bit of tv on now then?"

Well you would have thought I'd said "can anyone not directly related to me fuck off and never come back?"

Dp went mad, saying I was selfish, disrespectful, hated his kids, hated him and that if I'm so unhappy having his kids here we should just split up! Shock dss1 was actually ok with it and just got on with it but dp dragged it out all night, wouldn't talk to me and basically made out as though he'd just caught me in bed with another bloke. Really horrible he was. He then made up that I'd told his kids to get out the room (untrue, I was actually hoping we could all watch tv together) and that I'm becoming less and less tolerant of the situation as time goes on. He then started slagging off my kids, listing all the stuff he has to "put up with" and going in about how he can't believe how selfish and out of order I am.

Just can't believe the over reaction to what was essentially a woman wanting to relax in her own living room. As soon as I came off the pc his youngest went on it anyway!

I honestly don't think I was BU to ask a 19 year old to turn off the play station and allow me to use the tv at getting on for 8pm on a Friday night. So I suppose I'm asking if DP was being unreasonable to over react in such a way that it's more or less ruined the entire weekend as we're not talking now :-( and after a hard stressful week at work I was really looking forward to this weekend.

I can't see why even if he did disagree with me, why couldn't we just talk about it and set some ground rules for main tv like a couple of adults?

OP posts:
catsmother · 18/10/2014 10:16

MyOne being a step parent does NOT give anyone the right to treat you like shit.

"embrace it with good grace" - what utter rot. Embrace being treated with such nasty disrespect and contempt ??

Nanny0gg · 18/10/2014 10:21

Why does your need to watch TV trump theirs?

It's called Taking Turns. They'd had 2.5 hours.

If that were the only reason I would suggest a second TV in the bedroom. But it's not.

And do the 17 and 19 year-olds really want to spend Friday night indoors with their dad?

CarmineRose1978 · 18/10/2014 10:22

Depends what you wanted to watch. I can't say until I know...

Well, I can say that your 'D'P sounds like a complete arse who secretly wants to split up with you but doesn't have the balls to do it himself.

catsmother · 18/10/2014 10:23

Agent the room had been used by everyone else for at least a couple of hours if I've read correctly. In most normal families without loads of different "spare" rooms you tend to take it in turns to utilise such space meaning that everyone gets an opportunity to do what they want at some point. OP asked perfectly politely about watching TV - you could argue it was "her turn" to use the room ..... her so-called "D" P could have responded courteously by saying, for example, "can we just have another half hour" or whatever instead of losing it with her as if her feelings/wants didn't matter AT ALL.

Their "needs" (it's wants actually) do NOT "trump" the OP's any more than hers do theirs so this sort of thing should be all about polite negotiation.

She was not being unreasonable by making a polite request - "D"P on the other hand sounds like a vile knob.

phantomnamechanger · 18/10/2014 10:26

it is indeed about taking turns and an important life skill to learn - whether step family or not. My kids are not allowed to hog the TV/computer, negotiation and compromise happen here every single day.

at 17 & 19 they are old enough to "get" this without their father behaving so atrociously. What a crap example he is setting to those young men, supposedly under the guise of being a good dad!

AgentProvocateur · 18/10/2014 10:28

I agree he sounds like a knob! Smile

I guess it's different house, different rules. My DC are the same age, and we tend to go with "whoever's using the room first, stays" but we do have various other living-relaxing areas in the house, so it's a different situation. Point taken.

Titsalinabumsquash · 18/10/2014 10:30

This has nothing to do with the step kids (who are actually men) and everything to do with your "D"P being a controlling, angry bully.

He clearly has no respect for you at all, I'd leave and be done with him, then you can watch TV whenever you want without being abused because of it.

campingfilth · 18/10/2014 10:35

I'm a bit gobsmacked that 17 and 19 year old boys aren't out are in with their dad and step mum on a friday night!!!!

He's treating you like shit, disrespecting you in front of his grown up children and I think you know you need to get rid of him.

SolidGoldBrass · 18/10/2014 10:35

If it were just this I would be inclined to say he has a point. When you are doing something eg playing music, to have someone bleating and whining that not only do they want to watch television now, but that you must stop what you are doing in order to watch it with them, is pretty annoying.

But it does sound as though there's basic incompatibility here, and that he is sulky and bullying, so you probably would be better off without him.

SquinkiesRule · 18/10/2014 10:39

This is nothing to do with kids step sons, Computers or TV's. It's about your Dh's attitude towards you and his disrespectful way of speaking and acting towards you.
Do you think this will improve? He does it when the guys are around and when your alone with him. What a big knob.

KatieKaye · 18/10/2014 10:44

I don't think he had a point at all. other than to demonstrate what a prick he is.
When you are dong something, such as playing the guitar with amplifier in the living room it is pretty obvious that your actions are stopping any other members of the family from relaxing in the same room. An hour or so of this is more than reasonable and it is unreasonable to continue after that because you are annoying other people.
It is hugely unreasonable to rock up at the weekend and expect that inhabitants of the house not to be able to use their living room for three hours.
OP put up with the music and the playstation for 3 hours. Her prat of a partner thinks she should not be allowed a say in what she wants to do in their house. Why does playing music/playstation trump watching tv?

magoria · 18/10/2014 13:20

This relationship is shit.

You are treated like crap.

You deserve better. Your kids deserve better.

Start disentangling your life and finances with a view to leaving.

Inertia · 18/10/2014 13:27

Sounds as though your partner is deliberately trying to instigate a split . You weren't unreasonable about the tv, he came across as utterly unpleasant even before you mentioned the other horrible things he has done.

Sorry that you've ended up living with such a nasty vicious-tempered arsehole.

waithorse · 18/10/2014 13:44

You've started two threads about this, you must be really pissed off. And no wonder. He sounds awful, do you want to leave him ?

grocklebox · 18/10/2014 15:48

Take him up on his offer and split up. He's a wanker. I don't know you but I imagine you can do better.

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/10/2014 15:57

He took their TV and when you would like the chance to watch the only remaining TV he sulks, pouts, shouts and acts like a wanker. That's not step-parenting (the kids, it seems, were lovely) that's him being a shit. LTB.

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/10/2014 15:59

Oh and BTW I married DH partly based on having traveled with him. Someone who can laugh at shit-holes, make the best of things, be flexible and move if need be, change plans, keep their calm when life is a bit challenging, is someone to marry. Not a shouty twunt who loses it with you in the street.

charleybarley · 18/10/2014 16:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

championnibbler · 18/10/2014 16:51

Sorry but i think you should call time on this relationship. He clearly has no respect for you at all. It sounds like you could do so much better.

NickiFury · 18/10/2014 16:55

He's an arsehole. Dump.

Momagain1 · 18/10/2014 17:07

Sounds like the guitars and DP and soms should all have been in DPs 'man cave' (along with sons TV that DP claimed for himself) rather than in the lounge anyway. They are all men, they should hang out in the cave and leave you the lounge. Isnt that the point of a man cave? Otherwise, it could have been made into a very much needed second sitting room that you could have gone to in the first place.

Those sons are old enough to have been embarrassed beyond belief at such behavior. i am kind of curious what they did? Are they used to just hunkering down and waiting for his storm to blow over? Do they think he is a bit of a jerk when he behaves this way? Or are they the same?

LapsedTwentysomething · 18/10/2014 17:25

What a shit role model for young men. Demonstrate the consequences for them by kicking him the fuck out, then with any luck their on GFs won't have to deal with abusive arseholes in future.

Sparklypants · 18/10/2014 17:28

I'm sorry to say it but your 'd'p sounds like a nasty piece of work.

You must be walking on egg shells all the bloody time! I know what it's like living in that type of environment and it's exhausting.
Have you tried to talk to your dp calmly (if he can keep his calm!) to find out why he explodes like this?

whois · 18/10/2014 17:32

FFS OP this is not normal.

Get a big fat helping of self respect, woman up and leave this horrible human being who is not treating you with anything approaching acceptable levels of humanity and respect.

It's redic the number of people who post on MN about putting up with shit like this.

Hatespiders · 18/10/2014 17:44

I'd have gone to the fusebox and pushed up the trip switch.

Even if these young men are 'there', it seems no-one is actually interacting with your dp or yourself. They're all separately doing stuff alone. They might as well be down the pub or off clubbing, as nobody seems to be talking or enjoying eachother's company.
Your dp is a horrible disrespectful man and has apparently many times threatened to just leave you. I'd hold open the door for him and wave cheerio.